My bf and I have been together for 2 years. He gets an average of 2-3 hours of sleep a night since I’ve known him and it’s extremely concerning to me. Any bit of research and you will see that any form of lack of sleep can be so devastating to your health in the future including Alzheimer’s, strokes, heart issues, and the list goes on. He already has horrifically terrible memory and I’m pretty sure it’s from the lack of sleep. He makes jokes about it and doesn’t take it seriously, and he thinks he’s Superman or something because he can still function off of 2 hours of sleep, or even days or no sleep. Yes the human body can still function after lack of sleep but this is not healthy at ALL. He knows this because he’s in the medical/ healthcare field but doesn’t think it applies to him??? Idk.
On top of this, if he has any pain or anything like that he just toughs it out because “he’ll survive”. Since I’ve known him he’s gone to the doctor once because he broke his wrist and that was just to get a doctors note for work, otherwise he wouldn’t have went. He will go a full day or 2 without food, and when he does eat it’s total junk. He works out but in excess, he will be at the gym for 5+ hours every single day. He doesn’t have updated physicals, bloodwork, and overall just doesn’t keep up with his health. I’m the COMPLETE opposite, any ache or pain and I see my PCP, I keep all of my medical records very up to date. I routinely get enough sleep, nutrients via food, I take vitamins and workout a moderate amount. Health is very important to me because we only get one body and I believe we need to care for it as best as we can, and to be healthy not only for ourselves but for our loved ones. He’s young and seemingly healthy on the outside so I don’t think he truly realizes how detrimental his lifestyle is going to be for his future self.
I love him dearly and want a life with him, we want to get married and have kids once our lives settle, but this is really a problem and I’m having second thoughts. I tell him to think about his future kids. Don’t you want to be healthy for them? So they don’t have to worry about you? I have an alcoholic father and have spent my entire life worrying about his health. And I do not want my children to worry about me or their father the way I did. I tell him to think about me, and that I am constantly worrying about him. He says I don’t have to worry and he’s fine, but is he though? He says he does care about his health, but he doesn’t go because healthcare is expensive. But I truly don’t think you can put price on your health. It’s priceless. We’re in the USA and yes healthcare and insurance etc is a huge problem. I get it. But I know his financial situation and he can afford it just fine. And he has very good health insurance through his job that he has yet to activate and keeps putting it off, so he basically has no insurance right now. So yeah, I don’t know what to do. I love him but the more I ponder on it, it’s really a dealbreaker and I don’t want to live a life with someone who is not at the very least aware of his health. It’s tough for me because he’s an amazing man. Treats me like an absolute princess. 10s across the board. And I keep telling myself maybe I can get him to care about his health, but so far it’s proven unsuccessful and i don’t want to fight an uphill battle. Thanks for reading.
TLDR; my boyfriend doesn’t seem to care about his health and I’m having second thoughts about having a life and kids with him because of this.
3 comments
You can’t make him care about this because he doesn’t think it’s a problem. He might grow out of it, an event might happen that shocks him into caring about it, but you’ve done everything you can. You’ve asked him to change, you’ve appealed on the basis of your future children, there’s nothing else you can do except decide if you want to wait around for it to change, or if it’s a dealbreaker.
> He gets an average of 2-3 hours of sleep a night
Why?
Is he gaming? Is he working multiple jobs? Does he suffer from insomnia or night terrors? Is he trying to optimise his available time with polyphasic sleeping (I once had a boyfriend who tried that)? Is it some kind of challenge for him? Is it ADHD?
Maybe you need to change the request: instead of “I want you to *care* for/about your health,” it should be “I need you to be *responsible* for your health.” Being responsible is different to *caring* about something: I don’t care about my job or my company, but I take my responsibilities very seriously.
But also, it’s okay to want a partner who takes their health seriously. It’s great that he treats you like a princess, but he also needs to treat *himself* with respect, because otherwise his lack of health is going to be *your* responsibility. Someone who doesn’t sleep for days, only eats junk and does 5 hour workouts is going to burn out suddenly and violently one of these days, and *you’ll* be the one to pick up the pieces.
My boyfriend is the same way.I understand your frustration as someone who is very health conscious myself.
My boyfriend does not eat well and is overweight, doesn’t take vitamins, or go to the doctors to even get check ups the only thing I can say is he gets plenty of sleep too much so in my opinion. He has to get pushed to get his teeth cleaned or haircut.I am sorry I know how you feel but unfortunately we can’t make them care of themselves and if you force them they resent you and see you as their mom instead of their partner.This can be chronic and sometimes we either accept them like that or its a deal breaker.