I’ve been on 8 dates with a woman I met online. Usually 1 a week for the past two months. We made it official “boyfriend girlfriend” last week and deleted our apps on the spot. On the weekend I tried to escalate our couch cuddle in to sex. I asked her if she wanted to go in the bedroom and ahe said not yet.
She’s great and I really like her, I could see us being compatible long term. I don’t necessarily need to have sex right here right now, but sex is important to me and I want us to both have an enjoyable sex life.
I believe she is attracted to me. She initiates touching, cuddling, kissing, hugging. Her overall body language and level of commitment to make things work dating wise show me she’s in to it.
She explained that she isn’t very experienced. I kind of get the sense that she’s having a hard time “flipping the switch” from regular normal life to butt naked sex.
My plan is to continue to be patient but I don’t want to keep pushing her for sex if she’s just going to say no. And I’m not sure how long is too long to wait for it.
I’m 33 she’s 31 if that matters.
39 comments
Be very careful with this, sex for a woman is emotional and mental. Be kind to her and her desires. Don’t fuck this up! I’d wait 7 months max tbh, after that, I’d confront this shit cause she’s just wasting my time at that point
Do whatever you can tolerate. I personally never waited more than … a month? But that’s my past and perhaps not yours. If you like her just wait. As long as you guys are open and honest with one another.
Being sexually compatible is a big deal.
Does “isn’t very experienced” mean virgin or does it mean got herpes in high school and really wants you to fall deeply in love before dropping the bomb?
Should of already happened
Removed the apps, announced girlfriend/boyfriend titles without having sex? In your 30s?
Everyone has a different answer, a different time table. Do what feels right to you. I would say you both should openly communicate about it somewhat often. No one deserves to have their time wasted and both of you need to explore ALL aspects of a committed, log term relationship if you’re serious. Sex, finances, time management, family planning, etc.
Women that wait too long before they have sex are usually low libido and will never get more adventurous in bed. It is not in their nature.
Nothing wrong with that but sex would never be fun and satisfying.
A person, who truly enjoys sex, just shows it.
Believe them when they tell you who they are.
maybe she got herpes or sum lmaoooo
Turn your apps back on, this is going to crash and burn
My advice (I am a woman): I would tell her that you care about her and are interested in taking your relationship to the next stage, and that you understand she is not ready yet but that you will be waiting. Tell her when she is ready to let you know. Hold, hug, or cuddle while you tell her this (without any heavy petting or sexy moves) so that you’re mirroring her behavior. Tell her that the two of you will work together on reliable birth control to ease her anxiety about pregnancy. Then turn on a movie and/or change the subject. I would make it sort of matter-of-fact so she doesn’t feel pressured, but it plants the idea of safe sex in her head. I’ve never waited 8 weeks to have sex with a man I was dating but if I did, I think above is how I’d want him to approach me. Good luck!
When you say “have sex”, do you mean PIV? Or do you mean “fool around naked and have a good time”? I know in my first serious relationship, it definitely took a period of non-PIV fooling around (and some half-naked fooling around) to feel comfortable to progress, but there can be this real pressure as a woman that if you start down that road you have to *commit* to “butt naked sex (PIV)” or else you’re “a tease” or something.
It’s probably worth opening a conversation about how she sees the sexual side of your relationship progressing. If she’s inexperienced she may not realize that there are other options available besides just “full clothed making out” and “total hedonism”.
My now x made me wait 7 months. She said ” she wanted to make sure the relationship was established before sex” won loe i didn’t have a problem with waiting at the beginning but ultimately it was one of the first times in our relationship that she made me feel like i wasn’t good enough. I get waiting and i get having sex when you are ready and not before but 7 months now seems a bit extreme to me … But i was in love and would have done anything for her at that time.
I require sex b4 committment. I dont want to committ to someone & then find out the sex sucks. I let a guy go bc of this. He wanted the committment first & I was on the fence. There’s birth control, it works.
10 minutes
You should only have sex when there is a mutual genuine desire and both really want it. That could happen the first date or after a long time of dating. People and couples are different.
She is not there now so sex shouldn’t happen. She might be ready tomorrow or maybe she won’t be ready for a year. You don’t know and she probably doesn’t know either.
You have to decide how long you want to wait. At your age sex is usually a normal part of a relationship so I think it’s totally ok for you to not wait forever.
talk about it
Wow what an incredibly refreshing post. With the hookup culture these days men often walk out if you haven’t fucked them after a week of knowing eachother. It’s so toxic. Seems like you really like her and want a relationship. Be patient with her and genuine. Just let the sex go for now and don’t focus on it.
You are letting her control a very important piece of the relationship.
I’d say it’s time.
It’s still early and honestly, you don’t know yet what past traumas she could be hiding. I’d continue to be patient and talk to her more/get to know her as a person, to see if there’s anything in her past that’s part of the reason as to why she’s not comfortable. You’re not “lame” for waiting btw.
Well I feel like most women want to wait for marriage and if they don’t because they feel like they can’t or won’t be allowed to. When it comes to her she might just be wanting to make sure you’re going to be committed not necessarily marriage but virtually the same idea. And I feel the same way myself. About her not really having experience she probably has never done it and doesn’t want to have any regrets. That’s how I see it
are you sure she’s ready to be in a relationship?
Wait about 3 months try not to bring up sex but of course follow the things that she does like you said the hugging and kissing in the time being, if she doesn’t feel comfortable after that time try to have a conversation with her about it and hopefully you guys come to a common ground by then!
Wishing you both the best of luck in your journey together as a couple
You’re in a full-on committed relationship after eight weeks, with someone you’ve only *seen* eight times, and who doesn’t want to have sex with you, does this not seem *very hasty?*
Why did you become boyfriend and girlfriend with someone who is not ready to have sex with you . Sex is what your supposed to do. Sounds like she is not ready for a relationship. She is not suddenly going to be interested in sex . You are not compatible. I would definitely break things off . Tell her you think your not in line sexually and she is not ready to be a girlfriend. You will find someone else
Just communicate with her my guy.
Tell her about your concerns and feelings and ask her what does she feel about this, and reach an agreement together. And of course- respect her decision.
In my experience i think it’s a self confidence thing due to her being inexperienced. If she herself hasn’t spoken about a low libido then i think it’s insecurities and that’s something that you can only help so much with. All you can really do is just talk with her and take things slow with her like everyone else is saying. your patience is appreciated but hopefully you guys figure it out soon as it’s okay that a sex life is important to you.
I would say first, maybe second date? But everyone is different. Just set your own boundaries. And don’t get married before you have sex!
Well I think your in a great spot. When I started with my current Gf we waited 6 months but did other things in the meantime. I would start slow. And let the tension ( good tension) build. It will work out much better than jsut jumping and doing it for the sake of it
I would try to improve my looks. I guess one’s looks are the main cause of attraction to sex. Read [https://cupidmanual.com/looks-do-matter-scientific-studies/](https://cupidmanual.com/looks-do-matter-scientific-studies/)
Hard to say for sure, usually sex would happen by the time your went on as many as eight dates esp if you guys are now official bf and gf it’s a bit strange
But again there’s no rules to this stuff, she could also have some sort of trauma tying going on that’s impacting it from her side. Id probably just have an open convo about it to understand her better, but also keep your own needs in mind ie you probably don’t wanna wait months to have normal sexual intimacy.
This person is just toying with you. They’re not that into you
I went through this in my 20s once. It only takes once. Literally, all the stuff you said. Then one day she’s houesitting for a friend and she isn’t answering texts. The next day, she called me to say that her ex came over and apologized for their relationship, and well, you know what happened. So you have two choices, my friend. Either confront her about it in a gentle way and see what happens, which might be the end of the relationship, or don’t and wait and watch her do you wrong.
I’ve only been with one woman sexually and we waited a couple years for that.
Never start dating a woman before you sleep with her first. Rookie mistake
If she’s not experienced, you’re a lucky man lol treat her good so you don’t scare her off into the arms of some asshole that ***will*** pump and dump.
Second date, you gotta bang 😂
Try fun discovery communication. Take turns kissing 100 different places on each other’s bodies. Do that in the bedroom. Then stay in there and cuddle. Intimacy in increments.
Communicate with her about her hang ups. You need to find out whether your libidos are compatible because it does not improve with time. From my own experience date 3, but it usually happens on the first or second date for me.
Two months is already too long since you’re looking for advice on Reddit.