What is your attachment style and how has it impacted your relationships? If it’s not secure, how do you work on it?

10 comments

1. Secure. My relationships are much better and I’m less interested in relationships with the heavily insecure types. Especially after my last ex lol.

2. So this is an interesting one. I was anxious avoidant and my Male 34 partner was secure. We had to work on this together as I had a lot of concerns and anxiety about our relationship. We ended up communicating often and ask for support rather than reassurance as this helped us communicate our needs assertively. Afterwards, I ended up going to therapy and since then, I have changed the way I view my self-worth. It really helped me lean towards a secure attachment style. There are still good or bad days, but I’m getting there.
   Hope this helps!

3. Fearful avoidant. My wife had to work for a year to get through to me and had several girls I’d hurt up until then by pushing them away.

   Quitting drinking and finding freetoattach.com taught me so much about avoidance and ways to work beyond those tendencies.

4. End to end encryption. None of the TLS stuff.

5. fearful avoidant and I avoid relationships. I try to be more open and voice my mind with some people and it seems helpful, but I don’t really feel ready for a relationship. I feel like I have too many mental health problems. On one hand that’s probably good but on the other I’m 29 and have had one very short relationship, seems like I use “mental health” as an excuse to not get close to others.

   I am trying to fix my mental health problems though. I don’t know what they are exactly but I have an idea what they might be

6. I’m looking forward to reading the responses on here. The person I like is definitely avoidant, so it has been interesting and difficult to communicate efficiently and in a way that doesn’t scare him off. There’s a cycle of him feeling confident, pursuing without hesitation, and then getting too comfortable and too close, where he then will begin to back off quite a bit.

   I don’t mind navigating this for the time being. I’m in no rush to push anything, I’ve got plenty of time and patience, I try to be as understanding as possible, and just give him whatever space and time he feels like he needs. I just wish I knew how to do it as best as I possibly can for him.

7. I try my best to express being ashamed but I’ve just started figuring out that if the worst thing your kid ever sees is you crying, that’s love.

   If that’s the worst thing you ever do, that’s human.

   Just don’t do it in public, at least not all the time lol

8. *”What is your attachment style”*

   Is this a new buzzword used so people can put themselves into a box so they can feel special/distinct/different?

9. Secure, always was and always will be. It affected everything in my day to day life. I never worried about what people thought of me, how I would affect them etc because I always have their best interest at heart and they have mine. My relationships with my parents, sibling, friends, partner are always positive.

10. It took me 28 years to find out that I am an dismissive avoidant attachment style and my last relationship with an anxious style did not go great now that I am able to look back at it. Albeit I have a good job, my own vehicle, own hobbies, great group of friends, am confident in my own physical abilities and never struggled with anxiety/depression but more with the normal stresses of life. I have learned that I have some deeper rooted things to figure out about my emotions, feelings, and how to be more vulnerable and open in communicating. I have started researching attachment styles and many other things amongst getting into therapy. It’s not going to be an overnight journey but I am excited to learn and grow with myself.