I [M21] have recently initiated my sex life, and it was a good experience. It was something new to me. As time goes on I realise the sexual opportunities I’ve missed in the past because of shyness, etc. That’s unrelated though.
What’s is going through my mind now though is…
“Really? I’m better than this. Why do I want/should I have sex?” I know it’s normal and natural, but at the same time, in my mind, it isn’t. I’m not supposed to be doing this. I can masturbate just fine but when it comes to sex itself and imagining myself humping someone…. it’s s just… bleh…
I feel I should be having sex because it’s good and it helps bonding, etc but at the same time I feel I should use that time and energy for something greater and productive. I don’t think I’m asexual per se since I have desires, but I’d rather suppress them and do something else. Does anyone else feel like this?