My (F26) father (M75) refuses to talk to me because I got a tattoo.
Since I was little, my father has been very vocal about not liking tattoos or piercings. My father has always said he did not want this under his roof. I have moved out of my parents’ house almost a year ago. I was able to buy a place without help from a bank at my age because of the money I received from my father. So I have no mortgage or anything. Which gives my autistic & depressed ass the possibility to not work full time which is amazing.
Recently I decided to get a tattoo. One that I have been thinking about since my grandmother passed in 2015, so like since I became an adult.
It’s a very simple design on my wrist. It took about 20 minutes to get it done by the artist so it’s not big.
I told my parents through text (translated):
“After doubting for a long time I have made an appointment at a tattoo studio.
Today I will get a small tattoo that I have been thinking about for a few years.
I get you don’t like that but I did want to let you know because I love you. I’m not going to be having many many tattoos and I’m not planning on getting any other tattoos.
I hope you still love me even though I make different choices to what you may have hoped. I love you very very much.”
The reaction: my mother (F53) did not respond nor said anything about it until a couple of days after. My father has just… left the WhatsApp group…
Since then he refuses to speak to me or to even be in the same room as me.
I am struggling. I am very hurt.
So AITA for getting a tattoo even though I know my father’s feelings and still expecting to have a relationship with him? Should I have respected his boundaries in not getting a tattoo while he is alive?
10 comments
Normally I’d say no
But that fact that your dad gave you enough money that you bought a house and didn’t need a mortgage, and don’t have to work full-time I think makes your dad’s anger understandable. He told you how he feels, and you after taking a house from him decided you didn’t care and didn’t tell him till after. Maybe if you talked to him before, made him understand how you thought about it he’d better understand. But I’m guessing you just did it
Especially for a tattoo that is obviously not very good of it tool only 20 minutes
NTA
You are an adult and made an adult decision about your body. Your das has the right to remain silent. Not talking to you makes him an AH. He sounds very controlling.
It’s your body, your choice, and you are a grown-ass adult. There’s nothing you can do about him taking this so poorly, as though it’s some kind personal insult.
If he cuts you off over such a minor issue (it’s not like you decided to start robbing banks or kicking kittens) then so be it.
Just carry on. Stay in touch, hopefully he’ll get over it. If not, well, see previous sentence.
What you are experiencing are called consequences. He was clearly against tattoos. It’s your body your choice. He told you how he felt and he doesn’t owe you anything. So now you’re cut off but you have a cool tattoo.
What you need to understand is that the power has shifted. An elderly parent wants and needs your company and your love whole heap more than you want or need theirs.
If this is your hill to die on, then do it.
You did nothing wrong. Your message to your parents about the tattoo was lovely. I’m very sorry your father is behaving so badly.
You’re 26 not 16. Time your parents treated you like an adult.
Your message was perfectly acceptable.
Just leave them to stew in their ridiculous juices for a week then start talking as if none of this happened. It will let them save face if that’s what they want.
If they still treat you like a naughty child then you may have to accept that they are just old fashioned idiots and leave any future communications to them.
It will pass. I got my first tattoo at 27 after years living by myself and didn’t tell my mom about it after a year later lol. But she was more mad when I got a mohawk at 16. She really didn’t talk to me until my hair grew.
This is not a matter of who’s in the right or wrong, nor of freedom or morality. You hurt his feelings, badly, intentionally.
The way he sees this is that you betrayed him on a level that I find difficult to put in words. Don’t you think that a father would find pride in the work and effort into raising their children? His wisdom and experience (75 years for the foxes sake) in his advice is the most precious thing he has to give to you – how is he supposed to feel when you reject it?
I just don’t get why you’d even tell him if you knew it would bother him. Just cover it with a watch when you visit and everyone is a winner.