First off, I am autistic so I have been told that I can be tactless and overly honest. I want an honest yet kind, and firm way to tell them that they have been stressing me out.
We work on projects just the two of us and the success of projects depend on us solely. They are hard working and never complain, but they take forever to do tasks and mull over small details. They cannot prioritize things. While they are doing A, I have already finished B, C, D , E , and F. They are not good at multitasking and I have talked to them about it. I have given them nudges to manage their time, like “hey event C is coming up, have you finished B? I think you should work on it today.” but I think they just have their own pace of working.
When they do not meet deadlines, our higher up’s are lenient and understanding so I don’t think my coworker feels a sense of urgency. On the other hand, I feel a sense of pressure and urgency when things do not go on time. I end up doing most of the work. It has left me a bit burnt out and stressed. I have already talked to them when things come late like “Okay so next time if you have even 10 minutes of your time free, you can work on this task little by little so we meet the deadline”. But to no change.
Additionally, I am tired of directing and reminding my coworker about things. I think our conversations should be collaborative about what we are working on, other than me telling them what to do next because they are not finished with one thing.
I have told our supervisor this tendency of my coworker and they have talked to them, but nothing has changed. I believe that my supervisor thinks this dynamic is fine because I have 5 years of experience over my coworker so naturally I can lead them but it’s getting tiresome. This is a problem I want to solve between us.
I can’t just say “hey you’re stressing me out because I’m taking most of the responsibilities here. You need to start doing more”, so I am coming to you for advice on how to word that in a straightforward yet sympathetic way. Thank you.
2 comments
Well since higher ups don’t care, maybe he doesn’t feel the need to meet the deadline. I guess my question is if there is no real deadline, perhaps this is self imposed a bit? I’m saying that based off “i feel a sense of pressure when things do not get in on time.” You make yourself do the work so it gets in on time, but maybe you don’t have to if bosses don’t care. I don’t mean don’t get your stuff in on time, but if your parts are in, then you’ll have made it, but his might just not be in yet.
However, if you’d rather continue, maybe you could find a solution that takes pressure off you. Like maybe you could divvy up work so the things that can be done later can go to coworker, the more important things can go to you. That way when it doesn’t get in on time, it’s not as big of a deal. The thing is people work at the pace they work- so I think finding a solution to work around that will help.
Collaborative might not work if you want the talks on the same level because they work slower. You might never be on the same step at the same time. But, maybe you don’t need to tell them what to do next. Maybe you could brainstorm about next step instead? For example, good ideas for step B if they’ve just completed A.
Hard to tell without the specifics of what you work on. But maybe some of the following can help:
1/ make a complete list of tasks, priority levels/dependencies, etc. and divide them between you and your coworker in good faith. Your coworker will also have to agree to this rough distribution, of course.
2/ send your coworker occasional reminders if needed, with your boss in CC. Don’t send too many reminders. When they delay their part, send a polite but concerned email – for e.g. saying something like “could you please complete this task on priority as this will help us to complete our project by xxx date? What is your estimated time? Feel free to reach out if you are stuck or need inputs!” (Keep your boss copied). Ofc, genuinely help them if they reach out, but don’t do their share of the work.
3/ Remember, you are not their manager and you are not responsible if they fail to complete tasks. Keep your cool. Don’t stress out.
The results could be one of the following:
a) the boss truly doesn’t care about the timeliness and will let things slide. No need to stress.
b) the boss does care about timeliness and you both will be pulled up for delays. At this point you will need to be ready to stand up for yourself – you have the email trails to back you up.
If you like your coworker and want to help them, you can gently advise them on how to improve, citing specific examples he could’ve done differently. First manage your stress so you don’t explode on them – be polite and professional.
But at the end of the day, they aren’t your report, and it isn’t your job to micro-manage them. If your boss wants you to micro-manage your colleague, then you should officially become their reporting manager (and ideally get a raise!).