So I (18F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for almost 2 years (we were together for a year and a half previously but broke up) and whenever I try to state an issue he seems to get really defensive. For example, he tends to say one thing only to turn around and do another. I work 2nd shift cleaning dealerships after closing and I don’t get home until 12:30 in the morning and don’t usually go to sleep until 2 AM. And due to this I tend to sleep in a lot, well he told me that I should start waking up earlier like 9:30, so I set an alarm on my phone and I’ve been pretty good about it. The other night I got home and I was really exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep, but he wanted to have extra curricular activities and I could just wake up at 10 instead. I know this one example is kind of tame but there are a few others that I won’t go into detail about. Anyway I tried to explain to him that I don’t appreciate that he wants me to do one thing, and then bend the rules because he wants to have fun, and he completely blew up on me saying that I’m trying to cause an issue and I’m always starting arguments, even though I wasn’t trying to be mean in anyway I just wanted to let him know that he’s pulling some bullshit. (“I don’t want to start an argument but this is what I mean when you say one thing and do another” this is what I said that started it all) anyway, I tried to keep a level head but he started personally attacking me instead of listening to what I had to say, and I don’t know what to do anymore because this happens every time I have an issue. I had reminded him that it’s us vs the problem not us vs each other, but he said that I was the one to cause all of this and I should just stop because it doesn’t matter. What should I do?
EDIT: he also just made a joke about me dying my hair for the fifth time since I got it done yesterday afternoon, I was blonde then dyed my hair dark pink, I told him I didn’t like this and to no surprise he got upset that I wasn’t comfortable with it. I told him it wasn’t funny and he said and I quote “it’s not funny to you” and I told him I don’t like it and he said that he didn’t want to hear another joke from me again if I’m gonna be like that. I’m about ready to fucking cry
6 comments
If anyone needs further detail I’ll be happy to explain the best of my ability
It sounds like he’s trying to control you and doesn’t want to be called out on his bullshit. This is all a huge red flag. Have you ever been able to sit down and have a conversation with him, or does he always get mad at you?
He seems like a narcissist you should leave him.
You could just date somebody who is okay with compromising and does not constantly switch things up on you and who listens to you. There are plenty of guys who understand what it is like to work shifts and are much more pleasant than your BF.
Do yourself a favor. Break up with him.
So you were still in high school and he was not when you got together? Sounds like he’s taking advantage of you.
Sounds Toxic. You should be getting the required sleep you need 7-10hrs depending on your personal needs. 18 can be tough you want to please everyone – hard to determine when someone is actually controlling you.