Context:
I’m the only person working and I’m just getting so sick of my wife spending our money on frivolous things. She’s been out of a job for nearly a year and hasn’t been looking. I give her an allowance of $400 a month which she easily exceeds every month, and she’s spending money on my credit card (in addition to what I give her) that I end up having to pay off. We don’t have any kids, she doesn’t really do chores beyond cooking dinner, I’m just getting incredibly frustrated.
I’m starting to think of just completely removing her ability to spend money. Do you think this is reasonable? I’ve had so many fruitless talks with her about how she’s causing us irreparable financial damage, yet she’s still happily shopping and spending money on her hobbies. Our expenditures have consistently exceeded our income over the past year, and I’ve really close just not giving her any access to my income.
10 comments
That is call financial abuse . Removing her access to money.
I think you both need to see a financial advisor so yiI both can set financial goals
Cancel all the credit cards in your name that she has access to. Put her $400 in her account in her name. You pay all the bills from your own account that she can’t access. If she wants to change this she needs to start contributing. And $400 to just piss away every month is not bad.
I’m a woman and my husband gives me full access because I am the household accountant/admin lady.
My brother and my close friend have been through what you have. The giving bill money, no paid bills and lots of new shiny things. With the friend, I am closer to the other party… they admitted to me about spending the money on shit.
Lock your finances down. There is a big difference between, can show receipts as to where the money went, and spent a little on fun stuff. Or spent all on fun stuff, and the bills didn’t get paid.
Your credit was stolen? Oh no better cut it up and get a new one that gets lost in the mail. Seriously though credit card spending has to be the line.
Go to counseling. She needs to learn restraint (and get a job) and you need to not treat her like a child. If that’s not possible, find a partner whose life goals better align with yours than this wannabe-idle-rich-trophy wife.
By any means possible, remove all her access to funds other that her account. Invite her to participate in setting the monthly budget and provide her with a copy thereof. In the event that additional funds are requested, an justication and estimated cost must be provided. Have her identity the budgeted expense which can be sacrificed in order to accommodate the request. Fixed expenses, savings, debts and dependents are out of bounds. Participation will not only provide insight to existing restraints but empower her to participate constructively in the future.
Yes. You should lock down the money that is outside the budget you set. Go to cash only if you have to.
PROVIDING that her budget is not for essentials. Cut the budget down if you have to, so that things like groceries are covered. That cash is hers. Period.
Set a deadline for her to find a job. Have a long hard talk about finances, but protect the funds you use for bills first. Your wife has a spending problem.
Make sure she has her own account and a reasonable discretionary budget.
Financial advisor, or marriage counseling. Only you can tell which is more fitting for your situation.
She may need to hear these things from a 3rd party. Going to either will help preserve your marriage, and hopefully build you trust, finances, and make y’all stronger.
Good luck OP!
Why does she not work and contribute to the household. I assume one day you will want to have a family or more comfortable lifestyle so shouldn’t she be helping now to add income to the home.
Sounds like she has too much time on her hands so spending money is her past time. I probably would cut access to credit card. You are never going to get ahead this way.
She sounds lazy if not even keeping house clean etc.
Don’t think You’re an Ahole at all.. I’m a woman and disagree with his wife is behaving. She isn’t being a true partner in this marriage.
I would keep fiancés separate giving her an account with the allowance in her and stopping all other access.
Im just here for any updates