My fiancé and I got engaged last year. A few months later my fiancés younger sister got pregnant to her boyfriend of 2 months. The boyfriend comes over for his birthday and his mom makes it a big deal. She made him his favorite dinner and cake, sang happy birthday to him, and took a family photo. She has not done this for me in the 4 years I’ve been around so my feelings were hurt. I distance myself for a bit. My fiancé talks to her about it casually and I move on.
The first time I see her in a while she tells me she is throwing a baby shower for her daughter and boyfriend. At the same time I am I starting to plan our engagement party. My fiancé mentions a possible venue to his mom and then a week later she says she’s doing the baby shower there. The mom also said we should have ours at home to save money meanwhile she’s paying for her shower at the venue. It’s not about the money. I can pay for it myself. It’s just the thought. We were engaged first and no sort of gesture to celebrate from her.
My fiancé says it’s all in my head and that his mom is more excited for our wedding than the baby for various reasons, but I think his moms actions show favoritism to his sisters boyfriend and I’m questioning how his mom feels about me. I understand welcoming him and that a baby is a big deal, but so is a wedding. I feel unacknowledged and unappreciated by his mom. I would like to talk to her about it just to clear the air and move forward.
TLDR: My (26) fiancés (30m) mom does not treat me equally.
3 comments
> She has not done this for me in the 4 years I’ve been around so my feelings were hurt.
But…
> The boyfriend comes over for his birthday and his mom makes it a whole ordeal.
Why would you wish to endure what you call an “ordeal”?
Your MIL is problematic but your real problem is the fiancé who doesn’t stand up for you. You can’t force your MIL to like you or treat you equally. And honestly she is not obligated to have a very close relationship with you. But your fiancé telling you that “it is all in your head”?? Don’t marry someone like that. Or if you do, then accept it will be this way for the rest of your life.
Does his mom love both her children equally? It sounds like a horrible question, but if she has always favored his sister over him then her treatment of you may just be a reflection of that. There’s also the possibility that she really isn’t excited about the baby and is being overly performative to cover it up, but if she has never showed any warmth toward you in four years then you should take your cue from that. Regardless, you probably didn’t do anything wrong. Some people are just prickly personalities. Imo, if you approach it from an angle of “I feel you don’t like me or enjoy my company the way you do SIL’s partner,” she’ll probably just deny and deny and deny. What you can do is address the specific behavior you want to see her stop. “[Her name], I wish you wouldn’t throw the shower at the location we selected for the engagement party. It comes across as low effort toward SIL, as if you didn’t want to put in the effort to make her day unique. It also feels inconsiderate of us to try to force us into changing our plans.”