I have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months now. And from the get go I was the pursuer in the relationship. She was very clearly into me but I was clearly pursuing her. When we started talking I was the one who asked to be more and she initially rejected. I took this fairly well and then when she was ready and changed her mind we began dating.
It is really wonderful dating her. I just feel as though Im putting in more work than she is. I complement her fairly often. I talk extensively about how attractive I find her and how her personality is humorous. I always try and raise her confidence as much as I can.
She has complimented me a total of 3 times. She has never complimented me in person these have only come through via text. She says she finds me attractive but that was well before dating and since then she hasn’t once complimented my looks or personality. Those 3 comments where all just one sentence right after I gave her long unprovoked compliments. Such as “thanks your a good boyfriend”
Likewise I’m the only one who ever sets up dates, initiates intimacy, and communicates. I’ve tried that whole seeing how long before they text first and we didn’t talk at all for 2-3 days before I broke.
Now this past two weeks even when I do contact or ask questions I just get left on read for 24 hours. She barely communicates anymore. I understand that life can get busy but I feel like I’m being personally ignored as I can see her active when I’m left on read for hours.
Do I have to manage my expectations? Is this normal for most people? How do I communicate this issue without accusing her or making her feel bad?
TLDR: I think I’m in a one sided relationship but idk if this is normal or worth bringing up. Do I have to manage expectations or communicate why I’m unhappy to her?
16 comments
Being left on read for over 24 hours by your significant other is definitely not a good sign. On top of everything you’re doing, having a partner have basic communication skills is a necessity to sustain any relationship.
I would have a serious talk with her and voice your frustration. Closed mouths don’t get fed. She needs to be made aware of your feelings and if she’s not willing to change you should find a partner who’s going to put in just as much effort as you are in the relationship.
I think it’s worth doing some research into attachment styles to understand what she may be feeling. Don’t try to make her feel like she is the problem or she might take that as a sign to push away. Maybe even try out some self bettering youtube videos, your subconscious energy needs to be positive and confidant! <3 Good luck
What’s not normal is to stay in a relationship where your needs aren’t met. There’s two things to consider here:
1) this could just be how she is in relationships, and nothing personal toward you, and
2) with passing time, you’ve only reinforced that this is acceptable because you keep…well, accepting it.
If you want a change, you need to be upfront with your needs and pack some patience—understanding that because of #2 above, this may “be coming out of nowhere” from her perspective. But that change may not be her suddenly putting in as much as you do. It may be you finding out that #1 is true and that you just spent a bunch of time on the wrong partner.
I get the feeling shes just not that into you tbh
Are you sure you’re actually her boyfriend?
No this is not normal if someone likes you. Someone who wants to be with you will put in the effort. It could be that she doesn’t know any better or that she doesn’t like you that much. Either way sit down and have a conversation about how you are feeling and what you would like her to improve on. Give her the same change to talk how you can improve. If nothing changes in a month the. You will know where you stand.
Bro she’s using you for attention. Sorry. She’s doesn’t like you that much. Happens to the best of us. I would find someone else who will meet you halfway more. The more you cling on the lore she’ll lose interest
This whole post screams “she just isn’t into you”. It sucks but yeah… you should sit down and have a very frank conversation about what you need from the relationship, your concerns, etc. Her responses will inform how to move forward.
Best of luck
Have you tried just… not?
Dont ignore her or anything but back off. See what kind of effort she puts in given the chance. If she starts to complain about something talk/listen but don’t fix anything.
“She was very clearly into me”
^^^ Really? It’s not clear to me at all from your post.
I think “your girl” doesn’t like you. She doesn’t even find you attractive. Things in her life may have contributed to her needing someone and you were available. A constant source of attention and validation? Hell yh. And she doesn’t even need to do much for you to remain by her side, you’re doing all the work. You don’t realise where you’re not appreciated. You’re just happy to be with her and are blind to the fact that she doesn’t like you. Take it from someone who has been here before. Leave and take time to work on yourself. Remember how worthless she made you feel and work and proving that you’re not worthless. Don’t prove it to her, prove it to yourself. You don’t need to explain anything to her. I believe people will treat you how they want to treat you. That’s how they truly feel about you. Don’t try to change them or force them to treat you different. Find someone who actually wants you. Become someone other people could actually want. Alright bye
This isn’t remotely normal, my dude. I am sorry but it looks like that you are more invested than she is. Best you and her have a heart-to-heart. If she doesn’t come to the table. Move on and forward, I know it’ll be tough. But it will be best for you.
“I love it when you compliment me and show you care. Can you do that more?”
It may just be that she is not that into you but you should at least talk about it.
Here’s the scoop: you’re not wrong to feel a bit off-kilter. Relationships should be a two-way street, with both parties putting in the effort. It’s like a team game where both players need to step up.
When it comes to talking to her, just keep it real. You don’t have to point fingers or make her feel bad. Tell her how you feel and maybe ask her perspective on how things are going. It’s like sharing a playlist with her, so she knows the vibe you’re looking for. Remember, you deserve to be heard and valued too.
Seems like she is just not that into you. Have fun and live in the moment. At that age new relationships tend to be flashes in a pan.
You’re too young to be trying to “work through” difficulties in a relationship when you’re not married and there are no kids. You can try asking her to make you feel more wanted but it is unlikely to work.
It looks like it’s just time to find someone more interested.