I just got dumped by my soulmate and I am devastated.

tl;dr: I just lost my soul mate and need advice for how to maintain a friendship with him, and advice for how to heal.

I (20f) have just been broken up with by my (31m) boyfriend after nearly two years together. To say that I’m devastated is a fucking understatement. I love this man soo much, he’s not just my boyfriend but my best friend too. The part that hurts the most is that I know in my heart that if we tried we could fix it, but he doesn’t believe that. He won’t even try. And that hurts almost as much as the pain of loosing him. We live together, but I’ll be moving out in two weeks and I might never see him again as we live 4 hours from where my family does which is where I’m moving back to. We’ve been living together since last august, and this man is my entire world. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself, I kinda want to die right now. He’s been with me through so much, he’s taught me so much, and I’ve loved every second I’ve spent with him. It has been the happiest part of my life, he is so fucking amazing and I have no idea what I’m going to do without him. I’m in the house adjacent to ours (it’s 2 connected, his family owns them both) and he won’t let me into our place without him there cause his last ex destroyed his stuff. All my pets are with him but I’m able to go and see them as long as he’s awake. He knows that I wouldn’t do anything to his stuff, but we are both schizophrenic and even though his meds are working better than they ever have that paranoia is still there and he can’t help it. He trusts me, but the voices do not and I get it. It hurts but I understand. I will say though, hearing him lock the door after I left last night completely broke me.

It’s ended on more or less good terms. Neither of us want to do this but he truely believes that this is for the best and i have to respect his wishes, even if i dont want to. He has never had any interest in staying connected with his previous girlfriends but he has explicitly told me that he still wants me in his life and he doesn’t want me to leave for good. He still wants me in his life, just not in the way I currently am in it. It’s somewhat reassuring because I love this man soo fucking much and I need him in my life. We are gonna try to stay friends so please give me advice for this, he’s an amazing person and I don’t want to loose him completely. He has also said that I will be his last relationship. And I wouldn’t usually believe this but the sincerity in his eyes tells me that he’s probably telling the truth. He still loves me and cares for me, but the medications he’s on have made him emotionally void pretty much, and that’s most of the reason as to why he wants to break up. That and we dont really have alot in common, yet i have been the most intimate and deepest relationship hes had in his 30 years of life. He doesn’t want to hurt me by being emotionally unavailable, and says that this is killing him. He dosnt want me in any pain even offering to cover some of my bills when i move back to the family home. And we have agreed to keep the phone open if we ever need someone, even if staying friends dosnt work out which i hope it fucking does. Up untill I leave we are going to spend as much time together as possible, we just got done watching a movie actually. He let me lay my head on his lap while we watched and let me tell you that it took every fucking fiber of my being not to breakdown in front of him. I can’t imagine not being with this man, he is perfect for me in every way and I love him like I never thought I’d be able to love a person. I truely believe that he is the one for me, my heart is shattered.

I need advice on how I can maintain a friendship with this man, he is such an amazing person and I want him in my life no matter what. I also need advice on how to heal from this and make the pain go away. My heart has been torn from my chest and my body is in a vice grip.

How can I make this better. It hurts so fucking much. I haven’t just lost a partner but I’ve lost my best friend at the same time. I don’t know if I can cope. I am always going to love him, my world has completely imploded.