In short, my coworker blocked me after we had sex one night.

For more clarification, I’m (29F) working in a bar and he (35M) works there too. For the past few months, he has been trying to hangout outside work and “getting to know me better”. I refused his invitations and explained that I don’t want to develop anything more than professional with someone from work, and we kept a nice relationship of getting along without anything else.

Fast forward to a few days ago, I was not working and had been drinking a bit too much. He, sober, offered to drive me home, I accepted and we ended up having sex at my place. The whole thing ended in like 20 minutes and he left sort of fast. I texted him asking if he got home well and found out he blocked me, probably after leaving my house, since the text was never delivered. I don’t think I gave him any reason to do this.

So, I don’t want to repeat the sex thing ever again, but I feel sort of.. used? Also, I’d like to keep things going smoothly at work but since I cannot discuss this with him, I’m unsure of how to proceed.

I’m not sure if this is the right sub for this since it’s not exactly dating, but I’m thankful for any advice.

Edit: I’d like to thank everyone for your support and thoughts, some of you really made me feel less anxious about this whole situation. I’ll handle things at work as best as I can – and provide updates if anyone wants some follow-up.
To all the people claiming SA and even rape, please don’t because it wasn’t like that at all. Obviously, he took advantage of a consented situation, but between this and SA goes a long way. Feeling used doesn’t mean that I was assaulted, just mistreated. If I ever felt something similar to SA I’d file a report. Thank you all!

45 comments

  3. Just act normal at work. And your fling with him.. or whatever you had is over. You guys fucked. Who cares. He’s probably married.

  4. Aw hun its okay. Just try to find relationships outside of work. Guys like that are immature and need validation from women. Don’t bother trying to talk to him about the hook up because he’ll deflect.

  5. >I was not working and had been drinking a bit too much

    Were you sober enough to know what you were doing? You said you had been drinking but were you lightly tipsy or black out drunk?

    It’s definitely not cool that he blocked you, that’s childish and has more to do with who he is than anything you did. Don’t blame yourself for his inability to have an adult conversation about what happened and how to move forward.

    There are so many reasons why he could’ve blocked you. It’s possible that he might feel guilty for taking advantage of your drunken state, he’s a game-player that just likes the chase, or he’s in a relationship and doesn’t want this to get out.

    Since you’re not interested in continuing to hook up with him, I wouldn’t really over-analyze it or take it as a loss. When you go to work act as normal and unbothered as possible.

    Going forward, if you choose to have sex with another coworker talk about how things will work afterwards before or go back to your previous no coworker policy so you don’t have to deal with any weirdness or confusion with coworkers.

  7. Ignore him outside of required work communication. Trust me, you don’t even want any further personal contact with a 35 year old man pulling teenage boy stunts like this. It has nothing to do with you and all to do with him not knowing how to conduct himself like a decent human being.

  8. Not normal behavior dick move by him
    Easy way to keep it simple is not discuss
    Unless he brings it up.
    Keep it professional and in the future call a taxi .
    What a dummy.
    Good luck.

  9. That’s very immature of him so don’t expect a good conversation can come out of this block. If he does go around talking about you, it says more about his personality than yours. I’d suggest you take the lesson, chin up and move on.

  10. he is an asshole but at the same time…sigh. more people need to adhere to the old adage of don’t shit where you eat.

  11. Maybe he feels embarassed about his performance and can’t face you, so he’s running away instead of taking accountability.

  12. OP every couple months I forget to pay my MetroPCS phone bill and when you text me it says *message blocking active* but it’s just me..me not paying my phone bill but getting Starbucks and boba. I bet he has metro and this happened, if not ya know what I always say, fuck em lol

  13. He’s scared he probably took advantage of you while you were under the influence, watch out if he tries to backstab you at work.

  15. Don’t kill the bar ted is the best advice , but we all have to learn somehow. keep your head up and hope he doesn’t say anything

  17. He prob feels guilty/scared of the fact he was sober and you were drunk or the fact that he was done cleaned up and put the door in 20 min. Or maybe he has a gf he’s hiding it from.

  18. Step into your power and don’t give him energy until he acknowledges how you feel.

  19. He got what he wanted or he’s worried because he works with you or it was really bad there’s tons of reasons. You work with him though so just say WTF when you see him and go from there. Definitely let us know though

  20. He’s a bum! Took advantage of you when you were drunk and then blocks you for no known reason…disengage from him and see if you can avoid working the same days and shifts. Try to make sure you have a solid relationship before getting intimate to avoid being or feeling used in the future. Bartenders tend to have a reputation for sleeping around. And watch your drinking!

  23. Dont get involved with coworkers!!

    >I texted him asking if he got home well and found out he blocked me, probably after leaving my house, since the text was never delivered.

    Is this a feature on iphone? Android doesnt indicate someone blocked u. If it doesnt show delivered it means something wrong with senders service.

    >Also I’d like to keep things going smoothly at work but since I cannot discuss this with him, I’m unsure of how to proceed.

    Act like nothing happened. Act professionally.

  24. He used you!!! The fact that you had been telling him NO for so long he waited for the chance to pounce and the fact that you were drunk he took advantage 100%. The fact that he blocked you immediately shows he knows what he did and no telling how many other women he has done this to!! Please get tested for everything because there is no telling what he is carrying.

  25. Well he obviously from the start was Just trying to have sex with you. You know this which is why you even said that he has always been trying to hangout with you outside of work. He seen the opportunity to get what he want and as soon as that post nut clarity hit he dipped. You shouldn’t be fooling around with coworkers anyway in my opinion…and now you see why 😂.

  26. Probably for the better tbh. Fuck em. Seems like you dodged a bullet or he felt that way lol. Either way got your rocks off. So all in all. A win.

  27. Many are looking for a Conquest. Once that is accomplished, it’s on to someone else. Being a male, and very likely 3 times your age (yes, I’m like very OLD) I’ve seen this happen several times. I’ve been on the “Accomplished List” of a few women. I ignored advances, and that made the work harder. I was new to the area, so I didn’t know about the little clique some of the older women were in. I felt bad once I figured out what was going on. Back then, no cellphones, or internet/email. The ghosting then was by not answering the Landline phone, ignoring you in public, and just plain acting like they are much better.
    Unfortunately, I think that’s what this is.
    Wishing you the best.

  28. Basically just go to work and act like nothing happened… but is he single? If he is I’m guessing he was just ashamed, he kind of took advantage maybe after all the times you said no?
    Not sure what he is thinking, but if he isn’t cheating on someone it may just be awkward.

  29. Wow eerily similar thing happened to me no booze though. Work was odd for a long time.

  30. Sounds not single, either way tho his actions are abhorrent. I’m sorry this happened but don’t give him any other thought.

  31. I have a hunch that he probably was terrible in bed and was embarrassed. He probably didn’t block you because of you.

  34. Hi OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence for many women out there. You feel used because you DID get used. It’s pretty clear he wanted you for sex and sex only. So you are completely valid in feeling that. It happened to me too. There are many reasons why he ghosted you. Common ones are:

    1. Inability to feel responsible for his actions
    2. Not a good communicator
    3. He simply saw you as a quest to conquer and upon conquering, he wasn’t interested anymore.

    Going forward, I would say to avoid talking to him unless completely necessary. If he ever apologizes, just acknowledge it and move on. It’s completely unnecessary to rekindle something like that

  35. Not sure why he blocked you, little immature on his part. My first thought was he’s married or has a girlfriend. It shouldn’t be weird @ work unless one of you makes it weird. He might be embarrassed by how quick he finished or just an ass or just a douche. You had a one night stand…It is what it is.

  36. That’s pretty childish of him, especially when you will end up seeing him anyway at work unless he chooses not to work there again. Either way, I’ll treat him like air, and I mean not even acknowledging he’s alive at this point.

  37. GIRL. Straighten that crown..stand tall, move forward, learn from this terrible guy and stick to your beliefs. No one is perfect…most all of us have experienced something like this that we regret-and we all hate these lessons. I’m so sorry this happened. Do not reveal weakness to him, he is now 1000% unworthy & invisible to you.

    I do have some intense anger for a person taking advantage of someone who is not sober.

  39. Sorry to hear that this happened to you! By any chance does he have a gf or is he talking to another girl. Could be wrong but it came to mind that he has another woman in his life and doesn’t want her to find out

  42. Get tested asap. My first thought was he impulsively had sex with you even though he’s carrying something and couldn’t face the guilt after. Maybe I’m just paranoid though

  43. I’m sorry you experienced that. I can’t believe how after 35 years of life someone is still acting like that. Stay safe 🫶🏾

  45. That sucks. This guy is a complete shithead.

    I’d just cold shoulder him and pretend it didn’t happen. If word gets around at work, just say “yeah we had sex, and we won’t again because he was a terrible lay” and leave it at that.

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