I want to know since as a woman who lives at home, I want to understand from the partner’s perspective. Questions like was it a burden, or was it worth the girl, to maintain secrecy and be flexible. Since I fear to step into any relationships due to the constrains on my part, I feel a sense of guilt because I feel as though men often wouldn’t come to understand the struggle. And was also wondering if men out there are actually considerate enough to make it work solely for the purpose of loving their girl.
Edit: this is in the context that the girl is completely prohibited from relationships in general, by no means even being able to ask, so it’s entirely in secrecy to the family. So what I’m asking is, is it worth trying to love someone who you can’t see often (can communicate via devices ofc), someone who wishes to love you the same but simply can’t due to a factor she herself cannot control.
43 comments
You just gotta make the family trust you and follow their rules. Eventually they’ll give you more privileges as long as you’re respectful.
If you don’t fit their mold then the survival of the relationship will directly rely on how much courage she can manage to put up
It was a nice relationship. I just had to follow rules like curfew and stuff, I honestly don’t think it’s a big deal or a huge sacrifice. I just wanted to spend time with her.
I dated a surinam girl, her parents where very very strict, but eventually they accepted me because I did good or something like that. Just be a good person and respect boundaries
It was terrible. I felt like I was dating the parents. The worst is when her father told her to break up with me and she just…did it..without any thought. It really crushed me. I thought I would marry her, but the way she gave me up without a second thought. That’s not love. Idk what that is. My advice. Stay away from girls like that
I was talking to a woman that was in her thirties and living at her parents house. She started discussing having to sneak me in at some point through the backyard. I passed.
Coin flip either shes cool but parents are the ones hawking you down making sure you drop her off at 11 or she’s a wild cat and have to tame that energy going out/ she’s total mom mode and stop you from a having alcohol.
It depends on how strict we are talking. Their are people ready to disown on the slightest mention of a relationship. There are others who are atleast open to hearing you out and may give you a chance. So think thorough regarding this. Plus the person with strict parents need to have courage. When the time comes you shouldn’t be in a situation where her family says break up and she does. Don’t get your heart played.
I dated one with no parents and it showed 💀
I found it extremely inconvenient and annoying. And to be honest, it felt like I was dating a girl instead of an adult woman. I have strict parents too which is why I got out of their house as soon as possible.
It’s better to not date them, end of the day even she knew that it would not work out and this happened to my close friend
She is gonna drag it as long as she can keep it a secret wasting both their time and hanging the guy dry with high hopes, later when faced with small inconvenience or when she finds some kind of minor mistake (which she will) from the guy, without hesitation she is going to break up
She was at a point where the excuses were so dumb enough that she was afraid texting or calling because her parents might get to know, where all this time she was active across social medias. Why get in relationship when it’s evident that it’ll be a dead end.
In the end, If it matters they’ll put in the effort
Tough. I felt like I had a lot to prove that I was a good choice. At first, I kind of liked the challenge. It was an opportunity to show off what I have accomplished and really pushed me to be more confident. But it because exhausting because I wasn’t just trying to impress her but her family, to the point where it really felt like she didn’t have a voice. And I started to think about the future and how this was going to be going forward and I decided to walk away from it.
She was a beautiful and amazing woman. Just caught up in the wrong circumstance.
So I am a man that had immigrant parents. You don’t bring a date home unless you’re introducing your parents to a likely spouse. My girlfriends at the time thought I was nuts and then my fellow ethnic friend, that’s a woman, told her “no my sister dated a guy for 6 years before he was officially introduced to our parents.”
Living in the US it was a nightmare. I’ll talk to my parents after a first date. When I share the info I met their parents, “You vat? PARENTS? NOW?”
I dated one lunatic that demanded to meet my family. I should have never had caved.
Dated a girl in HS/early college who was not allowed to date at all due to religious reasons. Parents/ and family had no idea I even existed but she was able to be social with friends so obviously that is how we were able to hangout. Ooe of her sisters finding out about us but she didn’t tell the parents so it didn’t really effect anything. other than the sneaking about to hangout, go on dates, and sleepovers it was rather normal and definetly worth it at the time. We planned to be together long term but for other reasons it just didn’t work out. The only thing I felt I missed out on was being able to take trips longer than a day and meeting her family, which didn’t bother me too much since I was of the mindset where the time would come for all that. But I hope you realize that there are plenty of men who would sacrifice a little to make it work if they really want to be with you like that. Don’t feel bad or guilty, everyone deserves a chance to happiness
Well, we got a hotel for New Years. That way we wouldn’t have to drive or take an Uber anywhere. Her parents proceeded to blow up her phone, my phone, they even found my father’s phone number, and blew up his phone. Because you know, 28 year olds are just too irresponsible.
Completely normal. I was dating her, not the parents. They didn’t really have any say in the matter
In high school, two of my girlfriends had strict parents.
For the first one, they were okay with me being her boyfriend, but they didn’t allow her to spend too much time with me, and especially not for kissing, sex, etc. So we made the most of this by having her come to my place more often, or just hanging out away from home.
The second girlfriend’s parents didn’t allow her to date, period. I was introduced to her parents as a “friend” for first several months, until they were able to figure out that I was more than just a friend to her. Thus, it felt like a forbidden relationship, although frankly that made sex, making out, and general intimacy feel more exciting.
After high school, I had a couple of more girlfriends with strict parents, but they weren’t living with their parents, so things were easier to deal with. I just wasn’t able to meet the parents, if at all.
School first, guys will always be there, and you can date when you’re married.
They never knew who I was
I’m American, my gf at the time was Carribean. The mother instantly hated me, in fact she rolled her eyes at me when she met me. In their culture, ideally, you meet your spouse young and stay with them for life like she did. It took her 3-4 years to warm up to me, once she confirmed that I wasn’t another “time wasting American.” The father followed her lead.
Luckily for me, they lived in a different state, so I never gave them a second though. We only made it because my girl doesn’t give a solid fuck what they think.
Now, the parents love me.
My first girlfriend lived with her grandparents. Her mother had died but my girlfriend’s brother lived with their dad. Her grandparents were god fearing Christians who never missed church and made sure their grand daughter didn’t miss church either. This was also back before cell phones and emails so we wrote each other letters a lot, which my parents and her grandparents never read. Phone calls were allowed but had to be between 8pm and 9pm and were not allowed to talk longer then 10 minutes, her grandparents rules not mine. We saw each other at school dances and events, neither of us had a drivers so we depended on on parents/grandparents for rides. The constantly being watched by her grandparents did get annoying, my parents gave us more freedom, but we did enjoy what time we spent together. Towards the end I do remember thinking it would have been nicer if we could have seen each other more often, we lived about a 30 minute drive apart and neither of us had a drivers license.
Depends on the girl. Some are worth the extra hastle, some are not.
Her parents dictate how the relationship goes.
When I was in high school? Yeah, it was worth it. I kept some secrets from my parents then, too.
As an adult, absolutely not worth it for me. I don’t want to willingly put myself in a position where the whims of unhealthy family dynamics can create significant problems for me.
Back in the day, due to my looks, most parents really liked me. I have even stayed over quite a number of my flings’ family homes and have banged hard with their parents sleeping/ cooking/ watching tv. In my humble experience, girls with strict parents are absolute freaks. Imagine doing all that stuff with your parents at home? LOL
Dating is also the same. They will go out all night, have sex until morning and skip work to hav e sex all day. Love me good looking girls with strict parents.
They said they had to watch our first time to make sure we only did missionary
*”To those who have dated girls with strict parents, what were your experiences like?”*
Strict.
Hey OP! I’m a woman but maybe my experience can help as i was in the same situation but roles reversed. My now husband was 20 when we started dating I was 19 my family isn’t at all strict my my husband’s Family is very large and Russian and very strict Christian/Orthodox. Like you shouldn’t “sit next to each other on the couch without being married” “and children stay in the home till there married even if there 42” sort of strict.
The beginning of our relationship was very rough and we ended up breaking up because his parents pressured him.
We stayed friends because we really did like each other. However I couldn’t stand his unwillingness to stand up to his parents and he needed space to figure out how to do so. We got back together under the pretense that for awhile it would stay secret then went it was serious he’d tell his parents. Our relationship really flourished with this but it’s important to note he always put our relationship first. He proposed to me and then sat down and had a talk with his family, they were not happy and they all didn’t talk for a while but since we were getting married eventually they all made up.
So it’s very important to relized that while it might be beneficial to hide it if your parents are overbearing or nosy it can’t be hidden forever, so find someone who holds your values and you can agree to a realistic timeline. Also if you have someone you trust make sure they know and are there to back you up incase of emergency whether that’s your parents finding out (because if you hide it for to long they will) or a guy turns out to be bad news and your scared to tell your parents.
Don’t.
For me it wasn’t worth the hassle. They completely controlled our time together. I was over it after 3 or 4 months. I didn’t want to cause family strife so I told her that after some time I realized I was to busy with my career to focus on a relationship. I’m pretty sure she knew what the real reason was but she played along because she didn’t want to start drama with her family. This was when I was like 19/20 and she was around the same age.
If a woman lies to their parents they will lie to you.
High School girlfriends mom was a nightmare and played a role in us breaking up. She didn’t like me, especially at first. At one point there was a family cookout at one of my GFs relatives that I was invited to. Her mom invited some guy that she really likes. He showed up with a teddy bear for my gf. Her mom would let her get her learners permit when she turned 16 but let her younger brother when he turned 16. After we broke up she was dating someone and her mom told her she should have stayed with me. It was bizarre.
Wildest kinkiest hottest sex ever.
The stricter the parents the more loose the girl was..
You date the girl not the parents.
The girl also needs to accept that fully and deal with backlash if and when it should happen.
Otherwise the girl needs to get her parents to pick the future partner(s)
Awful. They were backwoods, homeschooling Christians and I was a city boy. They actively disliked me and my mom started asking me not to go to their house in case they tried to kill me lol. That relationship was a 2 year and done situation that we forced to go on for 5 years.
Looking back if it lasted 2 years it would have been lovely relationship that would have ended in friendship but nope. Young and dumb.
How old is this girl? Under 22 I would understand but older than 22, why can’t she date?
What the family doesn’t understand is the more they prohibit the more she will exhibit:-)
Those girls will eventually start sneaking outside the house, if the family cannot have trust of their daughter she will resent them and usually doesn’t end well.
For some reason strict parents think they’re actually doing something good, you ever tell a kid don’t touch that, and they wonder why?
Especially now they’re teaching sex so early, it’s not like they can avoid it.
To me parents should just trust their kids, of course keep an eye on them maybe even some type of tracker on the phone.
But the harder you hold the grip, the family that is she will do anything to get outside the house.
Sounds like a paradox but that’s usually what happens.
I did this. Not worth it.
I’m a white guy, she was an Indian girl and we were both in our late 20s living at home. I lived in Canada at the time. We went out for 3 years, with some more time on and off. Her parents never knew I existed. If we were out in public and spotted another indian person, my ex would let go of my hand and run off ahead of me pretending to be alone just in the off chance that the stranger one her parents.
I’m married now so not in the game, but the advice I will give my son when he is an adult is that if she has to keep you a secret then just walk away. If she is not mature enough to be an adult within her family, she is not mature enough to be in a relationship.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. But unless you live in some regressive country where knowledge of a relationship can bring physical harm (eg Saudi Arabia, India, Afghanistan, etc) then keeping relationships secret from parents is just childish.
Edit for more context: my dad is pretty racist. He HATED that I was dating “one of those”. I got a lot of shit for it and there were arguments between us about it. It would have been easier for me to keep her secret as well, but I refuse to capitulate to his ignorant views.
I’m in need of a range here:
When we say “don’t see each other often” do we mean 1x a week, 1x a month, or completely sporadically?
I’ll give anecdotal info:
– a Chinese woman I dated had to keep me a secret, we were also not nearly as intimate (emotionally or physically) because of reservations she had admitted she caved to based on stories she was told by her mother and other women. I didn’t get to see her when we both had vacation from school (uni). That sucked, but I made the most of the time I had alone, and I talked to her for an hour or so a day. No nudes, no sexting, just chatting. Couldn’t text if her parents were in the room. She couldn’t speak English on the phone without her parents needing to know with who, etc. I didn’t love her, but I wanted to. Outside of hitting me and screaming when she was upset, she was very sweet and chill, but I did feel it was worth it. Our relationship was sweet and innocent. Just two people who liked each other. 6/10
– a local Christian girl (at the time) I was in love with and dating for 5 years had a fairly strict father, but her uncle/aunt who she lived with thereafter were more… Difficult to maintain a solid standing with. They were very church active, progressive, but still firm believers in the way a person must be to truly be worthy of marriage. I was with this girl when she basically got kicked out by a cliche step mother (mom traumatically passed away as a kid), I taught her how to drive, bought her her first college laptop, and helped her with many other things along the way. At the time I felt firmly that I had long since proven my worth and commitment. However they were very expectant of respect in their household. Traditional to me. I hated this. I don’t ever let people suggest untrue negative connotations to me without speaking my part. I did it, but I hated it. Was it worth it? Yes. Without question I am happy I was there with her through things. Driving her home from school and disappearing right away to not get caught, only spend time together with her and her family, not allowed sleep overs, curfews, etc. Worth 100% 9/10 only because of how we broke up. I learned all the small bits of a healthy relationship with her. We talked things out, we had in depth disagreements and returned safely to loving each other, we both learned how to be supportive of someone even when we didn’t have the energy etc etc.
– a local (teens) girl I dated had a mother who was SAed as a teen. Her daughter (my ex) had very large chesticles. This spooked her mom, understandably to a degree. This meant supervised visits (watching her kid brother, with her mom or dad there). She wasn’t allowed to go on dates (movies at 8:30-10), couldn’t hang out past 8pm. I didn’t love her, but she was quirky AF and funny when we were alone. I don’t regret dating her even tho I didn’t care much, it was a pleasant experience and she articulated heavily on her views of SA, as well as her fears on a daily basis as an attractive teen. 3/10 dating, 8/10 on lessons.
– another ex (adult) had a military father. He didn’t want her dating someone he couldn’t meet or approve of. It was hot, but her meltdowns over how her dad MIGHT react were draining. Hearing about how neglectful he was and that I couldn’t talk to him about it on her behalf also frustrated me. It broke my heart tbh. Loving someone who is in a toxic household is heavy on the heart, not as heavy as their burdens, but just as. We had me stay over a few weeks when her dad was on vacation, her sisters were rude AF to me, but I didn’t care. I loved having any time with her in her space. I got to be there for her night routine, help her with her make-up/lotion process, cuddle in her bed/see her in various pajamas. 7/10 outside of how we broke up (onlyfans).
As an adult, I’d say I would still do it because now I know how to better use my free time. In my ideal world I would see my gf for 3 days a week. What we do in that time is fine because secrecy is fun, it’s hot lol.
Loving someone sometimes is a nice enough experience to indulge in the moment however it goes.
Not me. But a good friend of mine fell for a girl (also a friend) who’s parents controlled her entire life. When I say fell I mea. He fell HARD. Eventually though, it led to him resenting her because it wasn’t clear when she would ever let them really be in a relationship. He broke up with her and was devastated for a few years before finding his now-wife.
She, on the other hand, is still being controlled by her parents in some ways, and it’s really messed her up because she has no actual experience doing anything for and by herself. She’s like a shadow of her former self.
They are freaks.
You will get limited time together. Make the most of it n
Parents were well off Asian immigrants who didn’t like me because I didn’t volunteer myself to be their next servant boy. An example would include me moving furniture for their son’s gf without even asking me to help, just because I had a truck. The thing is I would’ve helped if they asked, because that’s how you get help. Dad made her use a tracker on her phone and if she was anywhere unusual, he would call her and make her go back home which also included if she was at my place for too long at night (she was 27). He also had control of her bank so if she spent money, he’d ask her on what. that also made it hard for her to save money for herself to move out.
Tbf her and her whole family were spoiled rotten and she herself even admitted to it, and that was a big red flag I was willing to ignore for nine months. Dating her was like walking on eggshells because I never knew when it was ok to agree with her on a plan we would make and if her parents would let her go. As a teen that makes sense, but as an adult it’s just ridiculous.
They expected her to bring home a highly successful Doctor or Lawyer.