I have not drank alcohol ever and don’t want to drink alcohol. It’s kind of a religious thing. I do however want to date, most men meet women in bars but I don’t like it when she also drinks.
She can drink alone, I don’t mind it, but I don’t like it when she drinks with me. How do I tell someone I want to date this?
If I go on a date and she drinks, I would not be paying for the drinks, I don’t mind paying for the whole date every time but not the drinks. It is a cultural thing for me living in an Arab background to be providers but I will not be paying for something I am not convinced off.
I have never asked a women out in a bar, it’s usually either a gym or park. Or randomly in a coffee shop.
Any suggestion how do I slip this before a date without feeling awkward and smoothly.
43 comments
You definitely need to tell her soon. I almost always have to drink on first dates, and have gotten worried my date would judge me.
Actually, I dated a guy who didn’t agree with me drinking, but I did anyway. I hated it cause I felt uncomfortable, and I also felt like he was uncomfortable.
Neither your choice of not drinking or her choice of drinking is wrong. It is just different. It doesn’t matter if you “don’t mind it”, you still don’t like it.
This will become an issue later down the relationship. Drinking is a big part of some people’s social lives , and the last thing you want is for your or her to feel awkward and uncomfortable every time she wants to have a drink.
Why do you care if she drinks when you’re with her? Sounds manipulative imo
I think you would be best off looking for a woman who doesn’t drink (maybe one who shares your religious or cultural beliefs).
Most women who drink aren’t going to have a problem with you not drinking, but will have a problem with you trying to control what they drink.
You don’t, its clearly that you are not compatible
You just did.
Say it calmly with confidence. No shame in not drinking or not wanting to be around it for whatever reasons they might be. You need to feel comfortable in your relationship so speak your truth and go for it!
If it’s a cultural thing why not date women from your culture?
There’s plenty of people that don’t drink in every culture, you just have to be upfront about that.
Maybe by SPEAKING to her !
I personally don’t drink, I have no problem with others drinking though ! But I clearly draw a line that no one will force me to drink nor I will tolerate “Sorry got too much drunk” as an argument.
BTW why can’t you date someone who is more compatible with your ideologies because it will be difficult to deal with in the long-term.
You tell her right away. Like, the next time you see her.
You owe that much to her, so that she can run before she gets feelings.
Date someone who doesn’t drink.
Just be straightforward
For me personally, I’d just be honest. Whether by text or phone call (however you planned the date).
It is the kind of thing to just be upfront about from the start. Say what you just said here, about it being due to religious reasons. The best way is to just be straightforward about it. Don’t try to play any games or whatever, just do it.
You absolutely don’t want to be on a date, and when you guys are ordering she orders an drink, and then you drop that after you guys are done ordering. That would be awkward AF.
You will probably want to date another Muslim, a Mormon, or a recovering alcoholic.
Find someone in a church. That’s your only answer. Everything else will be harder
You don’t.
If she wants to drink, she should drink. If you don’t like it, find you a lady that doesn’t drink.
So you need to tell her this ASAP. I mean literally at your next meeting. This is clearly a big thing for you. It is not for 99% of the western population so you need to make your feelings clear to her.
Where it goes from there is up to the two of you….,
I’d recommend you have some type of rehearsed speech and roll w. that.
Although, I don’t agree w. you, I appreciate your commitment to your morals. Be honest, and state your intentions and stick to them.
Be willing to walk away if it doesn’t work for either of you.
Good Luck my internet friend!
Well since you can’t control what a woman wants to do at any time then you need to only date women who do not drink. 🤷🏼♀️
“I don’t like alcohol & prefer not to be around it”
**Advice from someone who doesn’t drink:**
* **Option 1:** Be okay with her drinking AND paying for her drinks.
* **Option 2:** Date someone who doesn’t drink.
* You can try to come up with a compromise.
* But really those are the only two options.
Just the same way that you told us.
If you’re so against drinking that don’t like them drinking around you and will pay for everything except the drinks, should you be in a *bar* looking for women?
It’s like an atheist looking for dates in a church and then telling them to act atheist around him.
If you don’t drink you shouldn’t date someone that drinks and you probably shouldn’t be meeting women in bars
You should look for a woman who doesn’t drink. Expecting women to not drink because *you don’t drink* is ridiculous, petty, selfish, and unsustainable.
it’s weird to not let her have a drink
I don’t drink for non-religious reasons, and I always disclose it to people quickly when I meet them, no matter the type of relationship. I never disclose why, and when people asks about it I usually answers politely some kind of variation of “that’s none of your buisness”. If people take it badly or insist to much I know they’re not people I want in my life.
Most people I saw again after this explanation proposed places to meet where we both would not drink alcohol and most make sure if the setting include alcohol at the time I explained this that I was comfortable with them drinking and had good alternative options.
Maybe you should start disclosing your boundaries toward alcohol without feeling the need to explain why. You don’t have to justify yourself, and people are usually less empathic and accepting if your justification is religious.
Date people who don’t drink or don’t like drinking in front of people. Don’t ask someone to change for you
Yeah… you can’t really tell someone that, well I mean you can… but it won’t be received well 9 times out of 10.
It’s even worse being a non religious person who doesn’t drink. Just about every woman smoke and drink these days.
Don’t date women who drink.
Easy solution for your problem.
You should find someone who also doesn’t drink. Be up front about that’s what you’re looking for. Otherwise it’s going to be seriously off putting to insist on this later.
Just tell her! But you’ll go further if the tone and framing of how you tell her is not judgemental or accusatory.
For example something like “hey I need to mention that I don’t drink alcohol at all for religious reasons and I’m a little uncomfortable around alcohol myself. But I obviously don’t mind if you drink! But if possible I would love to to avoid being around it or having to buy it if that’s okay.”
Some people get very defensive when around people that choose not to do something that they do (being sober, not eating meat, eating healthily, avoiding parties, not smoking, what styles of clothing to wear, and weirdly in my personal case not dating men lol etc). So it’s always best to frame it in a way they don’t need to feel defensive.
Just make sure you truly are okay with her drinking and aren’t intending to try and change her later on. That’ll be a headache for you both.
If you don’t drink, and you feel strongly about not being with someone who drinks, you should actively seek out people who don’t drink as dates. If she suggests going to a bar, tell her you don’t drink and don’t like spending time at bars. Just don’t go to bars.
“hey I just want you to know that before we go on a date, I don’t drink and I prefer to be around those that aren’t drinking as well. I do not mind if you want to drink and I’m happy to pay for the date but I don’t feel comfortable paying for alcohol when it is a religious conviction.”
Woman who enjoys drinking opinion: I think if I really liked you I would stop drinking for a short time but long term it wouldn’t work. I understand how you feel because I don’t like guys who smoke weed, but it’s their own way of decompressing after a long day of work.
If it makes you uncomfortable, I would find a partner who is more compatible to your beliefs and what you’re comfortable with. Otherwise it’s just going to be a battle
You ultimately cannot have a serious relationship with someone who drinks, if you are morally against it. You are OK with it now, because casually dating someone doesn’t much affect you, other than the fact that having to pay for a drink feels like an imposition upon you. But for a person you introduce to your family, or more seriously, plan to marry, you will feel more pressure being with someone who drinks when it’s considered improper by not only you, but your family and friends. So if having to pay for a drink feels like an imposition, imagine having a wife who drinks in front of your friends, family, or imam. If things get serious, you will become controlling of her. You’re not compatible with women who drink.
I think it may be in your best interest to date women that don’t drink, or are willing to give up drinking if things get serious. You say that you just don’t want them to do it around you, which is fine and dandy in the dating stage, but what if you get married and move in together? You’ll be together almost all of the time, and I’d imagine you won’t want it in the house at all, so dating someone who drinks casually and plans to continue to do so doesn’t seem very viable. is there a church, temple, mosque, etc that you are affiliated with? I know they will often have study/prayer groups or the like specifically geared towards young, single folks. that may be a good place to start?
I’m not a drinker. I can drink, but it’s not something I do often or feel a need to.
However, I would still not feel comfortable with being told that you don’t like this because culture and you won’t pay for it because culture, because to me, it would simply sound like this is just a start of a potential incompatibility with someone who might use his culture to control aspects of my life later.
So, the best thing for you to do is to just be honest and upfront. If the woman isn’t into it, then she isn’t, you aren’t compatible and you can move on to someone who is.
You need to be careful not to cross the controlling line here. Fine if you don’t drink, less fine to tell her what to do.
Look at your own culture for dating. Not gonna go over well if you don’t buy a girl a drink. Or you can start the date and order a ginger ale, if she’s perceptive, she’ll likewise order non alcoholic. But don’t expect them to read your mind.
Tell her and accept her response one way or the other.
Honestly, it’s not fun if you drink/smoke/420 and your partner doesn’t.
Hold on, do you not want them to drink at all or do you just not want to pay for it?
If it’s the latter, just communicate that. It’d be the same if someone was vegan and the person they dated wasn’t. Some woman may care but I think the majority won’t.
But if it’s the former, you’re better off finding someone who has the same religious views as you.
Just date women who don’t drink if it’s a religious and cultural thing to that point …..
And or say
I’m sorry it’s my religion it’s forbidden to buy or drink alcohol, I’m very happy to buy dinner though if that’s ok.
When you go on dates ask to go to places during the day that don’t serve alcohol. As you get to know her tell her how you feel about drinking. If she’s not okay with that then you’re not compatible.
Date women who don’t drink. Do not try to control the ones that do.