Update:
She works from home. I still don’t think that should matter but thought it was important to include.
My (33f) partner and I (29f) have been living together for over three years now. I have recently (in the last year) have been given the privilege of having access to our outside security cameras but still do not have access to the ones inside. We have four inside. Note, they are different companies. For some background information, we have a very good relationship. Full trust in one another and are very happy. We also have three dogs that she regularly likes to peek in on when we are away. On the few occasions we have a disagreement, one of the first things she does is pull up the video recording. Of course, I don’t have that advantage nor is that option offered to me. I only get short snippets of whatever she doesn’t like that I’m doing. I also don’t like the fact that I am constantly being watched and have no control over any of it. I have asked 2-3 times for the login information and the response was either changing the subject or ignoring it completely.
Thoughts?
30 comments
This would be *well* into deal breaker territory for me. Like are you kidding? She gets to pull up video evidence whenever you do something she doesn’t like, but you can’t even have *access* to the cameras in *your own home*? Hell no.
red flag red flag red flag. You deserve to have access. It’s BOTH of your home.
It’s your home as well. You should have access to those cameras. The fact that she pulls up the camera footage any time you have a disagreement communicates to me that she enjoys having this power over you and doesn’t want to lose it.
It’s not a good sign.
> Full trust in one another
Apparently not.
> the response was either changing the subject or ignoring it completely. Thoughts?
Stop accepting this.
Changing the subject = “don’t change the subject”
Ignoring = “I asked you a question”
FWIW, I would also hate to be watched in my own house and would want the ability to turn the cameras off when I’m in view of them. It’s for this reason that my partner and I agreed to only have cameras on inside the house when we leave for more than a day-trip.
If you don’t get anywhere with her, just unplug them when you want the peace of mind of not being on camera. In the longterm that’s not an acceptable sollution though, obviously.
This shouldn’t be a concern; it should be a simple *exitus immediatus*. There is a control issue here, with the potential for a lot more.
If you ask for the password and your partner refuses to give it to you, it’s not a full trust relationship, you’ve just been made to think it is.
Jeffrey Dahmer was a social guy too….
That’s really weird and borderline abusive. You need to set the boundary that you will have access or xyz
Huge deal breaker for me . That whole scenario creeps me out . I wouldn’t want to stay there for another night
The only thing i can think of is there’s more cameras than you know about and she’s spying on you, doing something very inappropriate
This sounds horrible. Why would you put up with it? Disable the cameras or move out.
Why on earth would you tolerate/accept that?
Either disconnect, or cover them. Repeatedly if necessary, and at least until she gets the message that if you can’t view or access what’s on them, then neither can she.
This is unacceptable. It’s your home. If you don’t have access, the master password should be changed to one that grants both users access.
This is very simple. She either gives you the login or the cameras are in the trash. You say there is trust in the relationship? No, there is not. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be telling this story.
She has you by the balls, sir.
Not acceptable on your partner’s end. You say there’s trust in the relationship, but it doesn’t seem like they trust you. Not giving you access to the cameras and them being able to access them any time is a big, big red flag. Why have the cameras if you don’t both have access to them? Something isn’t right here and if feels like they’re hiding something.
Why are you living in this prison on purpose?
F that. Either she gives you the login info or you put in your own cameras.
Also, tell her the next time she tries that stunt in an argument it’s over.
You’ve asked and she said no.
Now, it’s time for you to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. It would be for me.
If she wasn’t using them to win arguments it wouldn’t be a big deal to me, but she is weaponizing them and that’s not cool.
Start knocking down cameras man
She is hiding more than the log in information.
Good luck
She is not a partner, my wife has access to my password valt if she needs it and anything I think she needs is already shared with her valt. Yet she still ask for the odd password and I reminder the valt exists then log in for her. Your somewhere between a roommate and a fwb
Seeing you say “full trust in one another” after the first few sentences there made my head explode. How can you seriously think she has full trust in you if she’s keeping things out of your reach like you’re a fucking child. I hope for your sake this is a fake story.
You had to fight to get the outside camera’s login… Now this? Does she pay for it, or is it joint? If you help pay, you get access, hard stop. If she pays, tell her you don’t deserve to have her hold video evidence over your head if you aren’t entitled to the same IN YOUR OWN HOME.
This would be a deal breaker, boundary breaker, relationship breaker for me because it shows a pure lack of respect for you.
>short snippets of whatever she doesn’t like that I’m doing
RUN
That sounds really abusive.
*She’s 100% cheating on you.*
This is a HUGE 🚩 and deal breaker.
My thought is this is a scarily uneven power dynamic that borders on abusive. So she will go to video evidence to show you that you are wrong… and may even observe you? I mean if she goes to the tape for things she’s with you doing that’s ugly enough… but if she watches you when you’re alone and shows you things you’ve done alone that is next level creepy. Meanwhile she spends her days at home, working, but won’t give you access? She could run a meth lab when you’re at work or have any number of visitors. Or just use you Toothbrush without asking, whatever, but unless she really had something to hide it seems an odd thing to hold out away from you…
You’re being treated like a child by a younger woman.
What the actual fuck? You live there, and have every right to those cameras as she does.
Biggest of red flags for me. Any time something along the lines of “These rules are for thee, and not for me”… this is never okay.
The internet itself is coming at you with a “Aww, hell no!”
Show these comments to your partner. This is never an okay thing to do, if there is any sort of trust involved. Unlike any open phone policy, this one specifically monitors your living areas.
Either you get full access, the cameras go (not before looking into how they are viewed, and any or all recordings), or you do.
These statements:
>For some background information, we have a very good relationship.
>
>Full trust in one another and are very happy.
do *NOT* match with these:
>I am constantly being watched and have no control over any of it.
>
>On the few occasions we have a disagreement, one of the first things she does is pull up the video recording.
I outta send you my chiropractic bill for that whiplash I got reading this. I have so many questions.
Outside cameras I get for things like security purposes, but ***INSIDE?!*** For what purpose? Where are they located exactly? And are you sure there’s only that many? If you don’t have access to the feeds, how can you be sure there’s only four and not more hidden around the house? How long has this been going on?
Furthermore, what happens with the recordings? Are they deleted after a while or are they saved and uploaded somewhere? I would be so paranoid that my private moments were recorded and uploaded somewhere where who knows who’s watching.
The fact that you can’t access them is giving off major red flags. Plus for your partner to use them in an argument against you as ‘evidence’ is so worrisome. If I were in your situation, I’m sorry but I would’ve nope-d outta that relationship so fast.
Honestly, I’d move out.
🚩🚩🚩🚩📸🚩🚩🚩🚩📹🚩🚩🚩🚩
You really moved in somewhere with cameras and don’t have access to them? Why did you even agree 😂
What brand are the cameras I can help you get access to them