Hi everyone,
For some background, my boyfriend and I have been together for around a year and a half. We briefly broke up recently due to infidelity on his side, but we’re back together now and we’re trying to mend things. During our break up period, he found me at the apartment I’ve moved into with a ring and quite a few accusations. To be fair, some of them were certainly true, but a lot of the things he was saying felt pretty off to me. We were together again for two weeks before I asked for some space to think about things longer. During those two weeks, he used his company credit card to purchase a plane ticket for me. They had a seminar in Florida and he wanted me to come. I told him I needed to look at my vacation time and my work schedule to swing this, I hadn’t fully agreed to go before he bought the ticket. After I asked for some space, he was very upset (which is understandable) and stated he had already bought the ticket. He ended up canceling it.
Now, he has to appeal to a board and has told me he’s likely going to be terminated due to him using company funds to purchase a plane ticket for someone that doesn’t work for them. He blames me for this. I do feel badly for him and I hate that this is happening, but he’s said “if I get fired from my job I honestly don’t know what that’s going to mean for us.” If he doesn’t want to be with me any longer, I understand. But am I truly to blame for his being fired? He’s blamed me for things that I don’t believe are my fault before, including the infidelity. We’re in couples therapy, but this is really rubbing me the wrong way.
I know this goes without saying, but some blunt advice is very welcome. Thank you.
41 comments
Lol. I’m not laughing at your post, just your boyfriend. Look, did you tell him to purchase a ticket with his company credit card? No? Then you don’t have any accountability.
I’d just tell them it was an accident. Especially if he canceled it. He used pre saved information, accidentally selected his company credit card, and canceled it once he realized.
It is NOT your fault he *chose* to use a company card for a personal expense. That is ALL on him.
You didn’t ask him to buy you a ticket, he did that without telling you he was going to do it, and he was the one who decided to use his work credit card. 100% his fault.
He chose to abuse his company card. How is this your fault?
He’s a liar and a cheater. Everyone knows not to use their company’s credit card for personal expenses. If he gets fired it’s because he’s an idiot and **he** chose to use his company’s credit card for a plane ticket. You’re not responsible at all.
I am having trouble keeping count of all the ways that your boyfriend keeps screwing up.
* Unfaithful
* Unexpected proposal while you were broken up
* Complaining about you while proposing
* Making false / questionable complaints about you
* Buying a plane ticket for you before you agreed to go
* Buying you a plane ticket using someone else’s credit card
* Blaming you for getting in hot water for fraudulent use of a company credit card
* Blaming you for his infidelity
The only positive thing that I saw in your post was his implication that he might have to end the relationship over this. You should take him up on this quickly before he withdraws the offer. I noticed that you were in couples counseling. What have those sessions been like? Is he changing? He does not appear to very good for you.
So he steals from his company and it’s your fault?what?
Why is he still your boyfriend?
You didnt put a gun on his head to buy that ticket, why is even your problem?
HE chose to buy the ticket on the company card and knew the repercussions of doing so. You also never committed to going, so why on earth would he think purchasing a ticket makes sense anyway? He’s trying to shift blame to you because he knows he screwed up… more than once and it trying to alleviate some guilt from his cheating by trying to make you feel bad. Like somehow ANYTHING could possibly be your fault instead of his.
He made a lapse of judgment and used his company credit card when he shouldn’t have. Even if you pressured him to do it (hopefully you didn’t cause that would suck too), ultimately he’s in the wrong. It’s that simple…
The only way in which this would be your fault is if you stole his company credit card and made purchases on it. In that case, the company/bank would probably go after you for theft AND they would very likely fire your boyfriend for being careless enough with the card that it was stolen. Since this isn’t what happened, there is no scenario in which they can come after you for the purchase, even if he says something ridiculous like “she made me do it.”
>but he’s said “if I get fired from my job I honestly don’t know what that’s going to mean for us.”
You can spare both of you the thought experiment. He’s probably hoping you’ll offer to, like, say something to board or his boss as if that would make a difference. But again, the onus is squarely on him. You didn’t get him into this, it’s not your problem to get him out. What that means for “us” is that you break up. Full stop. You should never have gotten back together but hopefully this second fail gives you enough of an idea of his character that you realize you deserve someone who doesn’t treat you so terribly.
Has your BF ever heard of the concept ‘*personal responsibility*’. He purchased the plane ticket (had to know that it was against company policy), without obtaining your full consent. Now it’s your fault?
That is absolutely ridiculous!
So lets see:
1. He cheated on you
2. Showed up later with accusations–after the break-up (that’s bold)
3. He’s blaming you for his probable termination
Now he has the audacity to question ‘what this could mean for us’. The legitimate question you should be asking yourself is: “*why would I want to be with him*!”
He’s attempting to transfer his many short-comings over to you by making you feel guilty.
Maybe you’re no angel yourself but seriously, salvage your self-respect and ditch this guy. You can do better… a LOT better!
He’s just a manipulative gaslighter. In no way is this on you. Make sure you stand your ground on this.
Time to block him!
He cheated.
He stole from his job, this is totally on him, yet he thinks it’s your fault.
Please run!
Chested on you and in couples therapy in a relationship in the span of year and half woof just walk away and bury this.
Yup all your fault he decided to do fraud. How dare you?
…. This question shows how he has manipulated you…. Go no contact with this clown
Dump him. I like to give more advice but he cheats, takes no accountability and is trying to have cards to use against you in the future that you are not responsible for. DTMFA.
Please block him it’s not on you that he used a work card for something that wasn’t for work also he cheated another reason to let him go
Bruh
Your bf is an idiot on top of being a cheater. Don’t hitch your wagon to someone so useless.
Didn’t even read the text. No.
**HE** was cheating on you and **HE** brought a plane ticket for you **with the company’s credit card**? But for both you are at fault? This guy really knows how to double down. Throw this guy into the bin where he belongs to.
I honestly don’t get how women deal with so much bs before they leave.
Your first red flag was him cheating
He didn’t ask you ahead of time buying this ticket so of course you aren’t at fault if he gets fired.
Your partner is supposed to be respectful to you and also another ADULT at ALL TIMES.
Anytime men call women names, or blame them for things they’ve done they don’t care about you.
Do not put up with this behaviour even once in any relationship!
i dont get how it could be your fault?
What you have is low self esteem. You really need to ask yourself why you’re allowing yourself to be treated this way. He honestly sounds like a piece of garbage. You could probably throw a rock in a crowded room and find a better bf than this.
Couples counseling with someone who could believe this is a supreme waste of time and money
…you know there are more than three or four men in the world, right? Why are you wasting any more time on this clown?
**Are you to blame**: Did you hold a gun or knife to his head and threaten him to buy the ticket? Did you blackmail him or coerce him in any way to buy the ticket? Did he buy the ticket under duress?
**If the answer is no, his life was not in danger or under threat from you – you are not to blame.**
**Blunt advice – block him, unfollow and unfriend**.
His blaming you for something HE CHOSE TO DO – is such trash. His actions shows incredible immaturity and irresponsibility. His throwing the blame on you is not even acceptable had you asked him to take you with.
He committed FRAUD. He tried to STEAL from his company using their money to buy you a ticket. That is CRIMINAL. He would be lucky if he’s just fired.
**Add that to his cheating – there’s a pattern: he is a liar, cheat and thief. Run away as fast and as far as you can.**
When you work for a company that gives you a company card, there are rules and policies that you are trained on, most common one being that the card is NOT for personal use, only legitimate business expenses.
I’m sure he was trained in that or at a minimum provided with a travel/expense policy. If he didn’t read it—not your fault. If he was confused about it—not your fault. If he is stupid enough to use it for your ticket thinking he wouldn’t get caught—not your fault.
He’s purposely trying to find something to blame you for and/or use as his way out of this relationship while making YOU feel guilty—just like you say he has in the past.
He obviously hasn’t changed any of his shitty behaviors—why are you giving him more chances and staying with him???
You’re not to blame for his stupidity. And please don’t continue to be involved with him.
Do you really need to ask is this your fault? Why are still with this guy?
Why are you even entertaining all this bullshit?? He’s full of it and if you want your future to be him blaming you for all the shit that’s HIS FAULT then you’re gonna be miserable AF… And you deserve way better than that!
GET RID.
He is not only an awful boyfriend, he is also very stupid. He used his company card for private, frivolous expenses. He is getting rightfully fired and you need to stay away from this man because that is not the last absolutely unhinged thing he will do.
There is no way to slice this where you are at fault here. None. He’s being manipulative. And he’s bad at it, because his “reasoning” doesn’t even make sense.
He bought the ticket on the company card. You didn’t ask him to do that or even know he was doing it. If that’s a fireable offense, you not doesn’t matter. If anything, you not going and the ticket being cancelled can only help the situation. Was the ticket non refundable? Then he needs to reimburse the company. But he would assumedly have been reimbursing the company for the cost of your ticket anyway if you went, being that it’s a personal expense. Trying to pass a personal expense off onto the company would obviously be a fireable offense. And you have zero responsibility for him trying to pull some bullshit.
How many red flags do you need before it hits you your BF is a not a good guy?
Girl with all due respect: come the fuck on.
I swear I’m starting to think some of these posts are a sort of “pity bait.” It’s like every single post from a woman on this and similar subs is an extra level of depressing lately.
Anyone who has a work credit card KNOWS that it is fraud and theft to use it for non work purposes. It was his choice to commit serious misconduct at work and if he gets fired it is completely on him.
Come on girl,, you have to know him deciding to use company money to purchase a ticket you didn’t ask for is not your fault. He’s one that every wrong thing that happens will be your fault.
I would like to know how you caused him to cheat.. guess you pushed him on top of her..
Why would you want to be with someone like him. Bet he has to always be right as well.. What a nightmare.
I bet nothing is ever his fault. Get him out of your life asap
You didn’t force him to steal from his company to pay for a trip you didn’t even agree to. It was his choice.
Op this is ridiculous and definitely not your fault.. He chose to use the card after you told him that you weren’t even sure if you wanted to go..He was trying to manipulate you into going. And his cheating on you is also not your fault. You guys have only been together for 1.5 yrs. You’d be better off to leave him and let him deal with his bs. He sounds like a tool. Good luck Op and I seriously hope you reconsider this relationship.