This has never been said to me, but I gather from a few friends and things I’ve heard/read that this accusation of being selfish is regularly thrown at people that don’t want children. But why? I can’t grasp it. A hypothetical child cannot be neglected and the world can’t be deprived of somebody that never existed… so where is the selfishness? Genuinely want to know the angle, this is not some kind of rant.
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Because people are idiots. People assume wanting to live your life for yourself is selfish and forget that it’s not selfishness if it’s not to the detriment of someone else.
There’s also a hint of jealousy because of the freedom and financial benefits that come from not having kids.
I’ve never heard this actually said in person. I’d assume their argument would be it’s selfish because you just want to be able to go on holidays and live life for yourself, which frankly seems a silly argument to me (that it’s selfish).
Having a child means having someone who you are entirely responsible for, and whose needs and desires always come before your own. So, presumably, people with the opinion you state conclude from that fact that anyone who doesn’t want children doesn’t want to put their needs and desires below someone else’s, and therefore are selfish.
In general, it’s an emotive topic and some people on both sides have strong opinions.
Probably jealousy over the fact you get to be selfish and think about yourself first and foremost.
Usually because they miss the freedoms they no longer have after having children, and justify to themselves by saying society needs children or it will die out. They are jealous of those without kids, but could never admit it.
Jealousy?
At a continue-to-have-a-functioning-economy-and-society level, people who leave the workforce need to be replaced to ensure there’s enough money to provide the various services needed to keep everyone healthy. You either do that with babies or immigration.
Not overly convinced that’s what people are thinking of when the view gets expressed though.
It’s only been said to me once. Introduced to a friend of a friend, my husband and I had got married earlier that year so he asked if we would soon be hearing the tiny feet or something to that effect. When I said no, he said did I mind if he asked why, I replied that we didn’t want them. His response was “I have to say, I think that’s really selfish”.
Totally threw me as I like other people in this thread thought it wasn’t something people in real life would actually say. I kind of get it, because by not having kids you continue to put your own wants and needs first. I think (good) parenting is amazingly selfless and demanding. But I think what he (and others that hold that viewpoint) miss is that it’s no more selfish to not do something you don’t want to do, than it is to do something you *do* want to do. We all make decisions based on what we believe will make us happier.
I think its selfish to bring children INTO this world, there’s always a flip side
Because you’re not suffering like them, therefore selfish.
Because they’re hypocritical idiots. Having children is incredibly selfish.
On the flip side, how many genuine non-selfish reasons are there to have kids..?
https://wehavekids.com/having-baby/Most-Common-Reasons-Why-People-Want-Children
My fiancee and I don’t want kids. If anyone said that to either of us they would be told to fuck all the way off.
I think it’s the polar opposite of selfish. The world is on fire so pardon me if I don’t want to subject children to that.
I think the better question is “why is being selfish considered bad?” Loads people talk about self care, that’s being selfish. Taking care of yourself and making sure your needs are met is never a bad thing. Being selfish is good.
The rub is when someone is being selfish TO THE DETRIMENT OF OTHERS. This is never good and why being selfish gets a bad rep.
So deciding not to have kids is “good selfish” because it’s not to the detriment of anyone else. Having kids and then still trying to live your own life like holidaying without them is the “bad selfish” IMO.
You enjoy your best life.
90% it’s projecting either…
a. They can’t have kids and are jealous
b. They have kids and they find it hard
Some people see it as a duty, rather than a privilege. Sometimes that’s religious, or social, and sometimes it’s just because they have kids, hated it and want other people to suffer too.
I personally think it’s projection. ‘If I have to suffer, you should too’.
It’s like they never realised they had a choice until someone else makes that choice.
Ask them why they created another life instead of adopting someone who is already here and in need.
You won’t hear an answer that isn’t selfish.
Honestly I think quite a few people who have kids are surprised at how hard it is and secretly jealous of those who made the decision not to have them. It comes from a place of envy – like ‘I’m suffering and you’re selfish for choosing not to”.
Because they’re stupid and have thought about their argument for a grand total of 0 seconds.
It’s so funny because I was talking about this the other day. Like who is it selfish to? The unborn baby that lives in another dimension? 🤣
The amount of times I’ve been told I’m wrong for not having kids is stupid I’m 37 and even though I’ve never wanted kids I have to explain that I CANNOT have them due to medical reasons, also my GF cannot have them either so we’ve resigned ourselves to just live our lives as we see fit and still get called selfish.
Misery loves company.
Some people are just bitter they fucked the wrong person and ended up with kids.