My bf (21m) and I (21f) have been together for a while now. I was almost at my breaking point when it came to the relationship because I felt like he wasn’t satisfying me in bed. I then realized it was time to have a honest and open conversation. Even though I talked to him before about satisfying me, he didn’t understand it and I also wasn’t being very clear of what I want.

But this time, I told him that it was getting to the point where I was very close to detaching myself and was honest about what I wanted. He finally understood exactly what I wanted and in the next few days he took me out and it led to sex and I was in the mood so I thought I’d see how it went this time. This time my pleasure was his priority and he was trying to make me comfortable which is great start. He was eating me out and trying different positions and asking me how I like certain things. but now I feel like I want him to be more dominant. I feel like in the past there might have been some disconnect because I also didn’t properly express my likes or dislikes and he said he was worried that he would do something I didn’t like. It’s great that he’s being sweet and making me feel comfortable but now I want to be dominated more.

How can I express this to him without feeling like I might be asking too much or adding more pressure? I realize there might be some anxiety between the both of us and he says his priority is to make me feel good and of course I want the same for him but I also want to be more comfortable asking for other things.

5 comments

  1. You are already on a good start by communicating… just keep going with it. When my wife and I were starting out I was asking a lot of question,s and at time being to timid, as I did not want to make her feel anything negative and wanted to ensure she was fully comfortable and satisfied. But we reached a point where we outlined certain things we were 100% okay with and felt good doing those acts that we did not ask any further, we just went with the flow knowing the other person was fully comfortable (of course, you always have the option to speak up in the moment). That could be a good start to the conversation of letting him know what he is doing very well at and that he doesn’t need to check in with you… that he can just go with it. This type of conversation will probably open up additional topics which is good to continue to explore with each other (especially if you are really looking to be dominated).

  3. Talk about it. Approach new boundaries slowly with escalating steps and with mindfulness. Communicate about what is and isn’t working, what you each are enjoying/not enjoying.

    You want more domination? That’s perfectly fine. Just maybe don’t start out with hard-core BDSM and extreme CNC involving suspension, vacuum beds, group play or gangbangs, rape play with knife play and blood play or toilet slave and the like. Those would probably not be good places to start.

    Maybe try experimenting with active/passive dominant/submissive giving/recieving in vanilla sex going to more extremes with role reversal between you two. Try some role play and costume play. Have some fun with it, don’t take it too seriously. Up the dirty game talk find some lines of dialog that work with both of you.

    Try some rough sex, leave some scratch marks on each other’s backs or hand prints on each other’s bums.

    Do some short term free use, with a start and stop signal safe word for a couple hours with a set time. Experiment with mimed somnophilia, him “waking” you up by going down on you, you “waking” him up with a BJ. Everyone is comfortable, try waking each other up for the real thing. Try acting out it while the other pretends to be asleep for the whole thing, maybe try the somnophilia full on if you are liking it.

    That sort of thing. Slow escalation, talk about it when y’all ain’t horny. What worked, what didn’t work, what you want to try next time. Practice stopping, keep up dating, vanilla sex and foreplay. Focus on after care for both peeps. Do the role reversal stuff so you can show each other both how you want to be treated and what you might like.

    Be safe, don’t try to go too far too fast. It’s okay if you try something you don’t like but you are more likely to notice “this is better as a fantasy than in real life” with less regret if you don’t go too far too quickly.

  4. At least you’re starting to bring it up. Maybe suggest and buy stuff you’d enjoy him using on you. My current partner was totally vanilla I told him immediately within the first week what I’m into. He said he’s never done that stuff but he’s open to trying. And he’s been doing very well since.

    If he’s worried that he’ll do something you don’t like just have a safe word. If you’re freaky and looking for a fun experience into sex there isn’t much you won’t like.

  5. Write it all down and give him a letter. Take the breaking up off the table because they’d not inspiring.

    Express you may be asking to much, but this is my fantasy of you doing x,y,s to me or saying x, y, z to me.

    Also, instruction during is okay as long as you tell it with a moaning voice
    Harrrderrrr
    Fasterrrs
    There
    Nooo, go back, yes there theeeerrrr.

    Moan are the universal language of sex. Don’t moan if you don’t like or it’s not the spot, don’t fake anything.

    Also, you try being aggressive and be on top. After he gets the ideas from you, scream, flip me over, “I want your weight on me.”

    He’s young and he’s been trained to be gentle, which is great. But sex is kinda a monkey see, monkey do. So do what you want done. You want the back of your hair slightly rugged, tug his. Also watch your fav movie with fav sex scene. Show him what you like. Communication can happen in all forms. No critical during sex or in the br and always gently and with love.

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