I have had social anxiety all my life. I was sexually assaulted and bullied by a few older girls when I was 12 which has ruined my ability to talk or interact with most women. I’m constantly in a state of panic in the presence of strange women. I had accepted that I’ll never be able to have a normal relationship because of this and depression. I was on the verge of ending it all and wanted to experience things for once. I had been looking at sex workers in my country for a while but never had the courage to go for it. It is legal in the country I live in. I made sure to try to find someone who was local and who was on other social media platforms etc so to sort out any potential women who were trafficked. For days I saw the profile but couldn’t go about it. One night I got sort of tipsy and had the courage to text her.
I got the confirmation and Ubered to her place and they opened the door for me. She could see I was very nervous after paying as any time she tried to get things started I would just stop and freeze. She told me it was okay if I wanted to take things slow and that this is her last appointment for the night so she doesn’t mind going 10-15 mins over the hour. I still couldn’t move and she tried to ease me in with a conversation. I don’t like to admit this but for some reason I started having tears in my eyes which she noticed and ended up trying to comfort me. I didn’t have sex with her that night but we just ended up holding hands and talking. I got back and slept when I woke up I felt kinda good for once. I had gotten a text from her saying she hopes I reached him safely as I was pretty distressed. I didn’t talk to her again for another week and I got slightly tipsy again and the same thing happened again we didn’t have sex but just cuddled a bit and talked. This same thing happened for atleast 3-4 times before I told her about the first night and about the anxiety and the suicidal thing. It was a bit awkward after that night but I got home and that was that. I got slightly busy for the next couple of weeks with some family matter and I guess she was worried that I might have done something so I got a text from her. I just responded quickly as I just was convinced that she just doesn’t want to lose a constant source of money.
After the two weeks however I saw her again and this time she sort of opened up to instead of just me and we just cuddled as usual. Two weeks ago was the last time I met her and I told her that I’m not sure if I’ll be able to meet her as much anymore as money isn’t as easy to come by and she seemed upset but she asked me if she could kiss me incase we never meet again and and that’s how I had my first kiss.
I hadn’t talk to her at all since then and wasn’t planning to anytime soon but yesterday I got a text from her asking me if we could meet for dinner and she offered to pay for it too and the place she mentioned is a very fancy high end place so it would be a decent bill even if I just got a salad. I was surprised and thought maybe she was in some trouble so I asked her if everything is okay and she told me it is and that she just missed me and wanted to see me. I told her okay and I went she was dressed very dancing and I felt underdressed we just had dinner and talked and it was a nice little thing. While walking her back home we kissed again. After I reached her place she asked me to come in which I did but after sitting for about 20 mins on her couch she was getting close and I started getting anxious and asked her if it was okay if I left and she said of course. I left then after reaching home I texted her saying thanks and she sent me a really long paragraph which went something like she had a great time too and really wishes we can keep doing this every other day as she likes spending time with me and also offered to pay again for it.
She is really cool and I never had any feelings for her initially as I only saw her there for the money but I’m a bit confused lately. I do like her but I don’t know if there is any exterior motives to this or if she is genuinely interested in me. I do plan on seeing her again but I’m just curious if I should be vary of something.
TLDR: was drunk and suicidal decided to try to hook up with a sex worker before I did it. Couldn’t due to past trauma and ended up only talking to her for multiple sessions and cuddling. Told her couldn’t continue because it was expensive and got a text asking me out 2 weeks later. Already went out once and she asked me out again. She paid the first time and had offered to pay again. Wondering if I should be cautious of something
2 comments
I need serious relationship lead to marry
Maybe you are the first guy to actually talk and not just have sex which is new for her because obviously she is a sex worker. Maybe she developed feelings for you and I doubt she is a gold digger. Hey why don’t you give it a try , this can be a good opportunity to come out of your anxiety and be in a relationship.