My other half (M/34) and I (F/32) have been together for nearly 11 years. We live together the last 4 years.
Of course when we moved in together it was like the honeymoon season all over (alot of action).We have no children or are not married yet but we would like both in the future.
The last few months we have barely touched eachother and haven’t had sex in over a month. I have spoken directly to him about it, and he said he was sorry that he’s just been very tired the last while.
I would try to initiate it myself, however every night he constantly says how tired he is and the fear of being rejected would break me.
It’s been over a week since that conversation and still nothing.
TL;DR 1 month on and no sex or affection from other half. I fear he is just not attracted to me anymore. Has anyone been in a similar situation with their significant other and how did you manage to get through the ‘dry spell’?
8 comments
I understand that you’re going through a dry spell in your relationship. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your needs and concerns. Maybe you can have another conversation with him to express how you’re feeling and see if there’s anything you can do together to improve the situation.
I understand that you’re going through a dry spell in your relationship. It’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner about your needs and concerns. Maybe you can have another conversation with him to express how you’re feeling and see if there’s anything you can do together to improve the situation.
Might as well start with the hated basic questions.
Is he on erection killing meds? Have you let yourself go physically? Are you saying no to things he wants to try in bed?
Beyond those basic things, only he can tell you what’s up. Maybe hes gay or cheating.
If he is genuinely chronically tired you might have to pay a visit to the doctor as that are all sort of health complications that can make you tired and as a result lower the sex drive.
You’re experiencing a dry spell in your relationship and haven’t had sex in over a month. Communicate openly with your partner, seek professional help if needed, and remember that relationships have ups and downs.
“the fear of being rejected would break me”
Hold on. You’re 32 years old. You’ve been with this man for over a *decade*. You seem to be sharing a life. You should be able to handle your partner turning you down for sex. Has it never happened before? Have you never turned him down? Is your self-esteem tied to your sexual activity?
Sex is absolutely important in (most) relationships, but if you’re terrified of being rejected after this long together, something is amiss. My husband and I have only been together 4 years, but we’ve already had a couple time periods where, due to a series of unfortunate events, sex just hasn’t happened for a month or so. It’s not a big deal to either of us, because we’re both very secure in the relationship and in ourselves. So, ask yourself: What is the root of your insecurity in this situation?
If he’s tired all the time, it could be a medical issue, or maybe he’s in a particularly busy and terrible time at work; maybe he’s lying to you, but we can’t know that. You don’t seem to be curious about the reason behind his fatigue, but that’s something you should try to get to the bottom of instead of immediately jumping to “my partner isn’t attracted to me anymore.” Also, barring some kind of nasty depressive episode, he should still be able to be affectionate with you—hugs, cuddles, kisses, etc. Is he still engaging in that kind of affection?
We had a brief dip where we both got in our heads about it. We fixed it by scheduling sex for Saturday mornings at around 11. Early enough we had energy, and we looked forward to it and so built anticipation. We did that a few times and then the sex got more frequent and spontaneous again. Now no issues.
I suggest talking to him about why he is tired, what’s going on, and if he needs to see a doctor/get a check up etc. It could be anything that is causing him to go through a dry spell with you, just talk to him and be a safe space