It’s been truly getting to me lately, but recently I have noticed how little guys talk to me. My friends all have boyfriends or close male friends themselves and every single one of them has several guys in their DMs, no matter how much they complain about it. But I feel that I would be so grateful to even have one guy in my DM? I have rock bottom self esteem and I am terrified that I am going to be alone forever and that I am too ugly to get anyone. I’m not sure what to do :/
by the way this is senior high school
8 comments
Welcome to the life of an average guy
Easy solution. Build a hot body in the gym with a healthy diet. But you’ll attract the horny dudes mostly, so be careful what you ask for.
Most guys in high school don’t have a clue about women and won’t approach out of the blue unless they know you’d be open to it. If your general demeanor is low self esteem and scared then I’m guessing you’re not making yourself look approachable. If you want a more social life, then you need to be someone people want to be around. Be friendly, active, and happy. Make more friends, do more stuff to meet new people. Also most young guys are pretty shallow, so if you need to lose some weight or whatever you need to do to improve your attractivness then you should, this will help your own self confidence as well.
Stop thinking about yourself in a negative way, this is a negative cognitive bias. Your thoughts and view of yourself as unlovable, ugly, depressed, low self esteem is feeding the beast and making it a reality. In reality this is not the truth, but because you think it is, you make it come true like a self fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine if you held a firm belief that you were a great person and everyone wants to be your friend. Wouldn’t that make it easier for you to talk to guys and be flirty and have a boyfriend? And on the flip side, holding the belief that you’re unattractive and destined to be alone forever, what’s that going to do to how you interact with people?
Joining CLUBS and “Helping People” are probably something you can start tomorrow. Both build esteem and feelings of self worth. Both get you “out there” and connect you to people. Some friends have boyfriends – those boyfriends all have friends as well. Socializing doesn’t come easy for some people – it’s a skill that one needs to work on. You can start by a very simple hold – have one short conversation tomorrrow with a guy you’ve never spoken to. It can be super short – that’s all – just a simple conversation – comment on something that’s happening “the teacher is talking so fast”. Ask a question, it csn be anything. Point is you talk to one person. Then next day you repeat – then two conversations, etc. The “guys talking to you” part WILL happen – not many people are destined to be alone forever – but some do get nervous and then other people get nervous around them, etc.
There are tons of resources out there but I think you simply need practice – thats why clubs are great – as is anything where you help people – spca – shelters / senior shelters , just two hours a week – any activity where “you matter” boosts confidence quickly
Same thing we tell guys who have no luck with getting girls attention. Hit the gym hard, diet, and work on your goals.
How often do you start conversations with guys?
> I have rock bottom self esteem and I am terrified that I am going to be alone forever and that I am too ugly to get anyone. I’m not sure what to do :/
Looks DO matter. If you feel you’re lacking greatly then make the best version of yourself by getting in shape and dressing accordingly.
Talk to guys, then they will talk to you.