I have worked in my current job for around 16 months and have been with my partner 2 years. I have the option of working from home as often as I would like with the exceptions of in person full team meetings etc. My old team were not really social and all hate coming into the office. Due to this I only tend to go in around once every 2 months.
A couple of months ago I changed team and this team is a lot more social. They like going into the office either individually or as a team and enjoy going for lunch and planning social activities. I like this as I like being in the office.
I love working from home but it can feel quite isolating. I now go into the office once or twice a week. Not everyone fro mthe team are there when I go in but whenever people from the team are there we will sit together, grab lunch etc.
My team has 8 people, 5 of these ae women and 3 are men. There have been times where I’ll go into the office and there’s only 1 member of the team there and we’ll go to lunch. My partner has started having a problem with me going into the office as regularly as I am.
She said it’s weird going for lunch 1 on 1 with another woman but I just pointed out they were my colleagues and it’s not like it’s ever planned to just be 2 of us in, it just depends on the rest of the team.
My gf has said she thinks if it’s only going to be 1 member of the team in the office that I shouldn’t go in or at least go to lunch with them. I told her there shouldn’t be a problem with me making friends at work but she just said its disrespectful that I’m not listening to her and considering not going to lunch 1 on 1 with another woman. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
tl;dr I got moved to a more social team at work so I now go into the office more often. My gf said it’s weird that I’ll sometimes go to lunch with just 1 member of my team and said it’s disrespectful that I won’t consider going into the officel ess or going for lunch less. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?
7 comments
So her issue isn’t at all you going into work more. It’s you having lunch with other women
This again? You’ve already posted this a few months ago. What are you looking for?
You could ask her why she finds the 1-on-1 lunch arrangement disrespectful. What feelings are associated with her opposition to this plan? Is she worried she’ll flirt with you? That you’ll cheat on her? Does she not believe you when you say that you want a strictly professional or platonic relationship? Let her explain herself.
From there, you can address her concerns, either through clarification on your thoughts and feelings about the matter, or by explaining what plans or arrangements would be made to prevent her fears from becoming real. Would things help if she ever got the chance to meet your coworker and see what she’s like, herself?
I’m suggesting all these ways to alleviate her concerns, but in the end, your girlfriend needs to be able to accept what you tell her. Because if she can’t take her boyfriend’s reassurances at face value, and she has trouble trusting you or believing you, then this is going to be a very difficult relationship.
It’s work. It has nothing to do with her or respect.
I will add that if lunch is sitting in the cafeteria at work, this shouldn’t be an issue at all. If you guys are going out to a restaurant or whatever, then that could be questionable.
At the end of the day, this isn’t about right and wrong. It’s about making your partner comfortable.
Misleading title. Girlfriend is upset that you basically go on lunch dates with coworkers of the opposite sex.
Be upfront. Your gf is making an unreasonable request due to her insecurity. Ask why doesn’t she trust you because thats the actual disrespect here.
It would be staggeringly unprofessional to do ask she’s asking.