Throwaway account because I don’t want her to see this post before I have a talk with her.
We m(20) f(22) flirted made out and had sex on vacation. She was really into me but I was not sure if I want to start a relationship with her because she she lives 600 miles away (I have never had a LDR). Another point was, that I didn’t think it was that serious between us.
After the holidays we started having phone calls for hours and we texted every day. However I still was not sure if it would work out and it made me feel really bad because she was so into me (and seemed really sure about starting a relationship…she never said it she just gave hints ). I was also really into her but it was all going too fast in my opinion.
Two months before we met for the first time in real life after the vacation, I went to a lot of parties and made out with two friends of mine, (we were drunk and it was just an unserious party thing. )
I felt really bad afterwards but did it again twice in that week.
After the second time we have met in person I asked her if she wants to be my girlfriend and we are in a really happy relationship for over a year.
A few days ago , after we went to a bar together and during a stress infused mental breakdown of her, she told me that it was love on first sight for her and that it really hurt her that It took me so long to ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend (4 months ) and she said she thought I was her boyfriend before we had our first date and that she is jealous about me going to a Strip Club with friends in that time.
Now I feel bad about these parties,i have never told her because it was before our first date and because it would only hurt her if she knew.
What should i do?
please help me
Tltr: Girlfriend thought i was her boyfriend before being a couple and before having the first date in a LDR. I made out at parties in that time and feel
Bad now
Edit: I’m really happy in this relationships, it’s the best I’ve ever had, I just feel a little bit guilty for something that happened before we had our first date in real life and being in an official relationship
3 comments
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Don’t get guilt tripped. If y’all were boyfriend/girlfriend she would’ve said something
First major point: never date someone who expects you to read their mind. Ever. You are literally being held accountable for her inability to communicate like an adult. Don’t beat yourself up over living your life. You were single until the agreement not to be single was reached.
That said it has been a year now. However it started, you’re in a real relationship. You’re unhappy and no longer interested. It’s noble to not want to hurt her, but you should not make yourself miserable to avoid her pain. That choice just increases the eventual hurt she suffers while also holding you in silent suffering. The longer you lead her on, the more attached she will be.
I recommend telling her that you “don’t see a future in this relationship.” She didn’t do anything wrong, but the distance has cooled your feelings. Make it a clean break. Don’t argue. Don’t let her plead with you. Once you make the choice to revoke your consent to participate in the relationship, it is done. Lingering after that is just taking advantage of her.