Is this normal?

38 comments

1. If he’s not actively hiding them and it’s just been a matter of no real opportunity then I don’t see the big deal. Why not just ask him if he has any plans with his dad this weekend and if so, can you tag along so you can meet him?

2. >Now his dad is coming down this weekend

   Did you ask to meet him?

3. That would be normal to me but I’m not trying to meet or be involved with anyone’s family or personal life

4. Sometimes people’s families are complete assholes but ya good to schedule something with their friends once a year

5. It’s definitely weird to not even have a conversation about it, but also what’s your intentions and longterm goals? If you want to date casually then there’s no reason to meet friends or family, but if you’re in an exclusive relationship (monogamous) and you could you see yourself being with them for a while and you want to be closer to them by meeting other people they care about like friends and family, you should definitely bring it up and now would be the appropriate time.

   If he’s being weird about it at 6 months then your relationship is the furthest it’s going to go at this point.

6. If things have moved slowly I wouldn’t expect to meet his father after 6 months. And that’s totally ok. As for not meeting anybody else that could be normal. I moved away from my hometown. I’m in my thirties. It’s hard to make new friends and I don’t like to hang out with coworkers. So if I was dating somebody I would have nobody else for them to meet.

7. I would ask him about it. Maybe just mention that you’ve met his family, and so you would be interested in meeting his Dad if he’s comfortable with that

8. take your time, no hurry

9. My parents/family all live out of state (6+ hours away, two are a plane ride away) I think it’s totally reasonable to not have met family in 6 months. I don’t see my family hardly at all so this would be normal for me. My ex never met my dad – but I also didn’t hide my family. So it really depends if he’s hiding them/you vs you just haven’t met them bc of distance.

10. >He runs/owns his business so is very busy and spends most of his free time with me. Some of his friends live 3 hours away, and others have kids/married.

    Some people just don’t have much of a social life by choice or not. It wouldn’t bother me unless I knew he was actively hiding our relationship or didn’t introduce me as his gf when meeting his friends. Depending on the person meeting the parents might be a big step so I would talk to him about it and whether he’s comfortable.

11. Speaking from personal experience, lots of men are very isolated and lonely as hell. Dont give him grief about it, make him feel cared for and valued – he probably already feels bad enough about it as it is.

12. I’m just going to say being in his shoes currently, it’s really reeeeaaaaallllyyy hard for men in their 30’s to make friends if they’ve relocated half way across a country at that age.

    I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a bad thing, he may be introverted or too busy.

13. That’s fine to me. You said both of you want to take things slow, so that makes sense. Personally I don’t introduce anyone to family at this age unless it’s really serious (i.e. I can see myself marrying them), and I’m just really awkward at integrating my partner and my friends.

14. I dont think it’s that weird. Family can take a long time, especially if he doesn’t spend much time with them. I’d be happy to never introduce some of my family to my bf, and that has everything to do with them, nothing to do with him 😄.

    I’d only be concerned if he was doing something with friends, maybe other couples, that you could easily attend and he went out of his way to not invite you.

    One other point (that may or may not be relevant) as a recently separated person. I was with my ex husband for a long time and we have a lot of mutual friends. I am hesitant to bring my new bf around some of those mutual friends who I don’t see as often because I want to give them (and me) time to adjust to the split/new dynamic as well. I wanted to have at least 1 hangout with them alone in between the old partner and the new partner…if that makes sense.
    Edit: just re read that you were the one out of the marriage so this probably doesn’t apply for him.

15. you said his family lives in another province and even his friends live hours away and he doesn’t see them, what do you expect on that front?

    6 months might be about the average to be introduced to the family, but if you’re ‘taking things slow’ i’d say maybe a year, and he might not want to introduce you to just his father when he visits, but the family as a whole in the future

16. My ex-gf and I (both queer people) were together just shy of 6 months. Both of us have had strained family situations. She ended up meeting my sister and a good chunk of local friends by month 5. The day before she dumped me, she openly admitted that she had no intentions on ever incorporating me into her family & if I wanted or needed more from her in that regard, that she was sorry but couldn’t do it.

    Between safety concerns & shitty pasts from said family, she still made a point to visit them a couple times a month.

    I never wanted to be besties with her family. I just wanted them to know that I existed, since she and I were loosely talking about moving in together around the 1-year mark and wanting to get engaged.

    Speaking of besties, she was best friends with her ex-bf, the last serious relationship she had before me. They hung out way more regularly than she and I did. On our 3rd date, as well as periodically throughout, I’d get “he’s a brother! Don’t ask me to choose, because it’ll be him.” I only met him once while we were helping move a couch into her apartment. Wasn’t introduced as her partner whatsoever.

    I kept optimistically sharing how much I’d love to meet the few friends she had that lived in town, regardless of if she was introverted. She never had them on the phone while around me. Never had screenshots of convos between them bragging about us like she claimed she did all the time.

    I met ONE woman she was once college friends with and it was a few days before our split. She was a shitty fucking person to us during our entire time hanging out.

    Smdh. There was a messy end to our unexpected split and it took me forever to realize that she was still somewhat in the closet and that I was a dirty little secret. Her parents had zero clue I existed. As I’m sure many people in her life. Refused to have me on socials, claimed she wasn’t on socials, but the stories would change. And then would get sporadically upset by me posting about us.

    EDIT: I’m too biased with this. I saw comments stating and reminding me that his circle is all living out of the area, so I’ll grant him some grace. Hell, if I were you, I’d be cool with Zoom or FaceTime calls with friends to do virtual game nights with. Or phone calls with these friends. Try to connect on socials or something so you can have some form of connection with your partner’s circle if there aren’t any ways of connecting in-person. If your partner refuses this, THEN I’d call it a red flag.

17. My ex didn’t meet my parents until we had been together for 9 months. They live an hour away and most of the family birthday events happened in the first couple months of us dating and it was too early. The next available opportunity wasn’t until my birthday the following spring, which felt like a much more natural opportunity to introduce them since the event was centered on me haha. I never thought there would be an issue and there wasn’t – it was honestly just a matter of logistics.

    I’d say so long as it doesn’t feel like he’s going out of his way to avoid introductions it’s all good. I would ask him about meeting his dad when he’s in town, but keep in mind there may be a specific reason dad is in town that doesn’t lend itself well to meeting you, like if his dad is going through a hard time or there is some sensitive topic they need to discuss. It may not hurt to ask him his thoughts about introducing you to his family if it’s bothering you.

18. Sadly, once men reach their 30s, they don’t have as many friends. I tend to (inadvertently) prefer to spend time with the person I’m dating over my friends bc friend relationships in their 30s for men are much less intimate and consistent if that makes sense. He is prioritizing you most likely and doesn’t have many close friends near.

19. I’m like your guy. I’ve been seeing mine since January and know everyone in his life. He met, on accident, two of my friends. There’s not really a reason other than scheduling and everyone in my life is busy. It’s not that I’m ashamed or don’t want him to. More of lack of opportunity and my family does not live close. I also don’t have a “group” of friends but several individual friends. And we don’t see each other regularly. I would definitely suggest talking it out with him. I know my guy was very concerned I wasn’t as serious as him because I’m not incorporating him into my life the way he feels he is me

20. I am not close with my family, it sucks but I am normal. I’ve made peace with the fact that I don’t have that cool family dynamic like others often have. Hope you don’t hold it against them.

21. Point it out to him. Say, “You’ve met just about everybody in my life – when will I?” Have you had the exclusivity chat? Have you spent the night in his place? Have you ever heard the word “girlfriend” come out of his mouth? If not, you have a right to be worried. In the words of Chris Rock, “If you’ve been dating a man for four months, and you haven’t met any of his friends, you. are not. his girlfriend.” Gently put your foot down, before this goes any further and some massive bullshit is exposed.

22. Iam guy living in city 1 hour and half from my home town, i was in relationship with a girl and the same situation happened to me no body from my side and she have introduced all her people to me and they have loved me, but she was different from you she was trying to take me from all people she loved me in insane way 😂😂

23. No this is not normal

24. *Talk to him.*

25. If he doesn’t introduce you to his community, something is not right…unless you guys communicate that you don’t want that to happen yet, he is not ready for anything serious.

26. Owning your own business can be a pretty lonely lifestyle. You have a ton of acquaintances and business relationships, but often little time for friends or friends that understand your lifestyle. He may not have a whole lot of people to introduce you to.

27. I have only met one of my partner’s [young adult] children and none of the rest of his family in nearly 2 years. The opportunity just really hasn’t come up as they live over 3 hours away. He’s met my children and other close family.

    If it’s not purposeful avoidance, I don’t think it’s a red flag.

28. Just ask to meet them

29. Not normal

30. Running a business can do that to you. I can confirm from my own experience.
    Remember: „Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead.“

31. Why do you suspect its weird? If hes spending all of his free time with you, had no family or friends nearby in similar life situations. He probably has nobody.

32. Its normal for him and not you because of how you both were raised differently. Give him a chance to “fix it” to see if his words and actions aligned and then decide what you want to do. My concern is, if he doesn’t and you two move in together would he be expecting you to pick up where his parents left off? Other things to consider is if you see yourself long term with this guy, how do you view relationship roles, equally working, contributing to every aspect of the house or 1 person working and the other taking care of everything else. This should give you an idea of how you want to move forward.

    Example- I Dated a 40 year old guy who hardly did chores at his house and his mum would do most when she flew in for him. When he would visit me – no help at all as he expected me to do everything. It became very exhausting because I was working at the same time. Even worse was, when we converse about marriage, he expects me to do mossttt if not all the house chores and still work at least part time. I said hellllll nahhh!!! For me, it’s either we have shared responsibilities or I being a stay at home wife and manage the house and kids but I’m not doing both!

33. Huge res flag! In my experience, he is hiding something from you. Of he sees hou not as wife material but just a fwb or fling

34. I would just say something like “do you want to do something nice with your dad while he’s in town? I’d love to finally meet him” then just gauge his response. At 6 months in, I would have expected to at least have had a conversation about meeting family or said hi when he was on the phone to them or something. Especially if he has met yours. Although, I second the comments saying how hard it is to make friends in your 30s, even more so if you live out of your hometown.

35. I think it depends a little bit on whether he is resisting you meeting them, just isn’t quite ready yet, or if it just hasn’t happened naturally yet. Big difference.

    As an example, I met a few of my partner’s friends and his mom fairly soon. Both because he was happy for me to meet them early on, but also because it worked out that way out of convenience. His friends live right nearby, and his mom was in town visiting.

    My family lives far away, so it’s only natural that he hasn’t met them yet. I have close friends in the town were in, but I’m more cautious about introducing a new partner until I know for sure it’s serious, so I waited until I felt secure and safe enough in the relationship.

    So it could simply be a matter of different preferences and of timing. All you can do is ask him about it. If he is resisting you meeting any of them, it’s time to have a conversation about why. If he’s open to it, and it’s important to you, it’s time to start planning it.

36. I just got out of a relationship with a very similar story. Long story short. Yes it is weird. It is a sign of hiding stuff. Only in my case I am a man and it was the woman I was dating who didn’t let me in on her life. She met some of my friends and family and I didn’t meet anyone from hers. I don’t want to divulge personal stuff but i now know it’s a red flag in my opinion and I wouldn’t do it again. Def try to meet the father if you can. Or try to meet coworkers. Anything to show you what this person is up to when your not around.

37. I went 7 1/2 years without meeting someone from my exes family and they all live locally. At one year become concerned.

38. Yeah I’d ask to meet the dad – and tell him that it feels weird if he hesitates