Just because I could, doesn’t mean I should. Need advice.

28(M) two years into marriage and a year of knowing each other. Altogether three years now. It was during the last month of us getting married, the topic of money was spoken between us. She (25) had asked me how much I would be paying her Monthly and I explained that whenever I was short of money, I’d withdraw from the family business account or tell my accounts manager to credit mine and I asked her if that method was okay for her. I said I’d credit her money whenever she was short in her account. She told her SIL receives a fixed amount from my wife’s husband and she wants a monthly allowance. We had decided that I’ll pay her 40000₹ per month in which she doesn’t have to pay for any household expenses (Food, Rent) or any of the trips that we together. She said she would come to my office and look after some department, so she feels she is not getting it for free.

Starting from this year, she asked more and after a lot of arguments, decided to pay her 50k in total every month. She justified by saying she has to pay her gym trainer, music and dance expenses and personal hygiene every month. I have been withdrawing 100,000 Rs/- from my family business for my expenses FYI. I do not contribute for household expenses as well. It is just savings and personal expenses.

I didn’t know until recently that my mom had been paying her designer blouse bills and her dry cleaning expenses as well. When I confronted her that I was under the belief that she spends the money that she receives every month for all her expenses and asked her why she didn’t inform me that my mother spends for her expenses as well. My mom is pretty okay with spending for her too. She doesn’t separate my sister or me or my wife. But I was not okay with it because I have been giving her share of amount for all her personal spendings.

Few days ago we had a big argument. She was demanding 100,000Rs/- for herself. It is not that she is actually contributing much in her department she is looking at. We anyway have a manager to take care. She justified by saying she doesn’t want to ask her mom or my mom for her clothing expenses. Also by saying i had withdrawn 250,000Rs/- from the company money. The reason I did was my account balance was less than 5000Rs/- and I had spend for all the expenses abroad during the business trips. To spend from my account or the company account, I look at it the same.I told my accounts manager to send 100,000Rs/- like before on further months. Even though my dad or mom wouldn’t mind me withdrawing any amount, I understand my limits. I prefer the modest lifestyle where I cater to my needs. I do not prefer designer clothes or cars. But my wife is not the same. Recently we bought a electric xc40 for my dad to replace his 10 year old car. My dad asked my wife to drive it for a while since she has been complaining about her Skoda rapid. The ideal thing she must’ve done is to drive it for a while and ask my dad to drive it back, but then she has been driving it ever since. When asked why she hasn’t done that, the reason she gave me was she is facing some back pain due to the road conditions on her other car and she feels comfortable in this one and my dad hasn’t asked it back. The bad roads are hardly 300 metres fyi.

I had explained her to have gratitude for the privileged life we have been getting and we have been have big arguments back and forth.

I might sound like she is the only bad one in the relationship. I feel I haven’t taken her alone on dates enough. But that’s mostly because I call my friends and their wife’s to tag along. I realise I haven’t spent time for her outside our personal space enough. I’m willing to change that in me. But she has a lot of positive things as well. She is ambitious and wants to establish something on her own. She always says if she is earning in crores, she will give me anything. Even I do not mind spending for things that would contribute to the betterment of her. But I’m not willing to spend for the wants which doesn’t make sense to me. The major red flags is the fact that she spends most of her time looking for high end clothings along with her mom. She is a big influence on this I believe. Whenever she returns from her house, I could see some changes in her. Though I can afford her lifestyle, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. No one in our family pressures her to have a high standing in dressing. We prefer simple lifestyle. I had explained how people are earning a fraction of what she gets and they pay their food, rent and other expenses and manage.

Most of her conversations are about having children, going on trips and buying clothes. I know I’m screwed when she will gets pregnant. I want to make sure things are sorted and aligned before.

She used to sort out any problems between us, but now she has involved my parents (Red flag) for delaying having a child or not giving her enough money. Things are out of control and we might have both our parents to come and resolve. Need advice or suggestion on what I should change to get things sorted between us?

I do not indulge or spend on parties. The only thing I spend are for my wildlife trips (Hobby wildlife photographer) which is hardly once in six months and I spend on the trips that we go together. I’m ambitious and want to achieve big in business, make big money, but I do not think I will change my modest lifestyle and ideals.

Every time we have an argument, it is money and lifestyle related. What am I doing wrong and how can I correct this?

PS. It was a semi arranged marriage between us. She had been having crush on me since her school days since our family knew each other. I like her for the things and activities she indulges in like classic dance and classical music and she is also ambitious and wants to do things on her own. I gave suggestions to start her own school for music and dance. But she is interested in my family business. But she doesn’t contribute much there too.