Tl;dr dating for a year, I (F27) was told at the begining of our relationship that he don’t use social media. Recently his brother added me on IG and I accidentaly found my BF’s IG account. I checked his account (it’s private) a few times since and he followed a few people. When confronted he got mad.
Last night I was scrolling on FB and my bf expressed that he doesn’t like social media and that he didn’t use any of those platforms in years and etc…
After hearing that I confronted my boyfriend that I happen to find his IG noticed that last week he followed a few people and someone followed him back. I explained how I found it and how I knew that he was active on it.
Anyway, he said he has no idea how is that possible and that he has been locked out of his account years ago. Then he said that he was asked to change his password months ago but he didn’t used the platform, then he said that he might have been drunk and logged in at some point. Everything he said sounded off, then he offered to me that he can login and show it to me… He didn’t have the app and did it on the browser. Pretended to struggle to login.
After he logged on, he had a go at me for not trusting him. It’s first time I asked him to confirm something… and I just again explained that this situation sounded off, especially when I use my social media in front of him and he has access to it.
After he logged on I noticed that more then half of the pics are of him and his ex girlfriend (that’s over 100 pics)…
I wouldn’t be bothered but a few times when he was tipsy he just couldn’t shut up how gorgeous she is and looking like a model, mind you I’ve never asked about his ex appearance in my life.
So I’m upset that he hid that account and lied that he isn’t active on it. I feel uncomfortable that he has all of those pics of his ex but non of us and I know he is still hidding something.
Also while he had a go at me for bringing this up he used words such as “I can’t believe you asking me this I’m so good to you” and ect.
And I don’t have confidence issues as I’m good looking and I’m getting tons of attention from other guys so it’s not that.
Anyway after he had a go at me I went to sleep in a separate room and I’m not sure how to navigate this situation further as he said he can delete those pic’s for me then he got annoted why he should even though I didn’t ask him that.
4 comments
Yes for lying and gaslighting you. I’d be asking myself what’s going to be next he’ll be lying to me about??? Do you want that kind of relationship?
Sorry, it’s not clear. He doesn’t use Instagram any more?
Obv the ex is the one that got away..
Okay, so one of two things is happening here. Either he really doesn’t use it and he was anxious to log on and show you that he never got around to deleting the pics of his ex. Or he actually uses it to doom scroll and is thinking about his ex and what could’ve been. At the first half I believed the former but after reading he said those things about his ex while drunk I am believing the latter. OP you need to evaluate whether he actually is ready to be in a committed relationship with you. From what I read he is not over his ex and he should be single. He doesn’t deserve to keep you as placeholder.
I would like to add a little personal perspective from my life on this. I was with a high school sweetheart for over 7 years. Once we broke up the final time I deleted everything I had of her. I rarely use my social media. I haven’t used my facebook in years but I still have it for messenger for my family. I deleted all those photos even on there. I got into my current relationship rather quickly after that. I never wanted this former situation to happen with me and my gf. I didn’t want to put her in a position thinking that I wasn’t over my ex or to even have her see pics with my ex. It’s not fair to the person you are choosing to be in a relationship. I’d say just evaluate how you want to interpret this situation with him and make a decision whether you want to continue this relationship with him. You can sit down and talk with him about it. But clearly he is gonna gaslight you and understand that it is not okay to put you in this situation. He could be using the social media or he could not be. The fact that the pics are still there and he is saying those things about her are speaking volumes to me.