I (30 f) have been dating my boyfriend (31 m) for a few months. We recently started sharing our fetishes, and he told me that he likes being called “daddy” and calling his partners “dirty little girls” or similar, fisting (because he likes the feel of stretching a woman out), and water sports, particularly women wetting themselves.
Normally I would not find these to be red flags, I’m a very sex positive person and wouldn’t judge people for what they’re into, but… He has a 10 year old daughter, which makes these fetishes all together seem a bit suss.
Am I just being paranoid or is it actually a red flag?
18 comments
The only one who can say if it’s a red flag is you, because it’s up to what you are comfortable with. That being said, each of these kinks leans toward female degradation/submission (no judgement, if that’s what you’re into).
Have an open conversation with him and ask what it is about these kinks that appeals to him. Then decide if his answers lower or raise that red flag.
There is no such thing as a “universal red flag”.
A “red flag” is a warning for that particular individual who wants to avoid certain situations.
Anything which *you are not into* nor want to experiment with is a “red flag” to *you*.
You are entitled to have your own “red flags”, boundaries, and “deal breakers”.
Ideally you want to find someone who *already is* what you want in a partner.
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
honestly? follow your gut on this one.
The kink about daddy and daddy’s little girls is not references younger interests it’s dominance and power. As for the pee, seems extremely common. There is nothing about this that is concerning in relation to him having a child.
You need to listen to your gut. I call my husband daddy all the time. It started when our boys were young because our older son referred to his dad by name and not daddy. When I asked him why he said that’s what *ewwybuddy* calls him. We decided then and there that we’d go with M&D and about a year after that we were going at it hot and heavy and I said YES, DADDY! Fuck me hard!
It became a habit and now I say it so much it doesn’t register unless I see an older man perk up when I call out to my husband in public. 😂
That all said … if it EVER set anything off in either of us on the creep meter, it would end that minute. I’m a huge believer, supporter and proponent of TRUSTING YOUR GUT.
Never, ever do anything with anyone that skeeves you on any level.
These are pretty common kinks and I’ve known tons of well adjusted normal people with them.
Without any further evidence, I think it’s misandry to assume this guy is some kind of child predator.
It’s kind of a stretch. You have to examine the relationship with his daughter to make anything conclusive.
So you’re saying parents aren’t allowed to have fetishes that doesn’t make any sense.
The daddy/good girl/bad girl kink is quite common. So is water sports in that getting peed on is quite common but seeing someone wetting themselves not so much, fisting is not super widespread. Same goes for gaping and other stuff.
It’s up to you honestly. If you having sex with someone involving kinks, both partners have to be comfortable with the kinks. You can draw a line based on which ones you want to participate in and which are no-gos. Be sure to communicate your comfort levels honestly.
I’m glad everyone seemingly understands you can separate kink and real life. Btw you’re using kink and fetish interchangeably and they are not.
With a fetish you cannot get off without this sexual thing present. Usually refers to a physical object or body part also.
Kink would be the sexual deviance you enjoy but don’t necessarily need.
So you guys explores and expressed your kinks, fantasy and desire actual action all different. The more you know about him the more you can really determine red flags.
Reference Dr. Justin Lehmiller for differences.
If your bf was a pedophile, he would show no interest in you (unless you happen to look like a pre-pubescent girl?) and he would not be talking to you about his kinks. He is telling you about this stuff because he wants to do it with YOU.
I try not kink shame, but those as a combo would make me double take. It’s okay not to be into anything and combinations of kinks can raise the barrier to entry. Here, I wouldn’t be comfortable and would probably side step just in case.
Daddy isn’t that unusual, fisting isn’t for everyone but is more popular than many realise (relatively popular amongst queer women), “dirty little girl” not for me, buuuut could be okay, others wetting oneself is like entry level water sports again not for everyone but all in combo in one person? Yeah I’d walk away.
There’s not enough there to elevate to a level of taking further but enough that I dunno, I wouldn’t be comfortable.
Sounds like he was in a dominant/submissive relationship (bdsm) in a past life and now he’s sorta missing that being sorta vanilla with you and slowly trying to introduce it.
You can make your own decisions, but also know that kinky people can also have kids. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.
Can’t say it’s a red flag from the info you gave, if you say you don’t want it and he still engages in that way then it’s a red flag
Having a fetish or a kink (know the difference) is not a red flag.
How you go about communicating and finding parters in those things will be the red flag
Honesty and consent.
I’m not sure what having daughters has to do with it; calling someone daddy and dirty girl is pretty common as a kink, nothing to do with actual daughters or anything. It a dominating/submissive thing, not an age or incest related thing