Hey guys, I’m just getting into the whole online dating BS… haha. I’ve had too many instances at this point of having a decent first date, the guy texting me after saying he had a good time, us texting over 1-2 days and then never hearing from him again.
I feel like this has been super confusing to me, like why text me anything after the date if you had no interest in asking for a second date. I’m always hung up on if i should text back (even if a week has passed) just to check in and ask if they’re interested in a second date or just leave it be because “if he wanted to he would”… it’s stupid I know.
So I’m curious to hear from others, if you’ve been the one to actively pursue (text first, ask on dates) a guy after a first date, has it worked out for you? I feel like while girls overthink everything, guys are more black and white, but I’m curious what others experience has been!
4 comments
Being worried about how you are treated in love is not stupid at all.
I would say it’s dangerous to assume someone is going to ghost and not try at all. Let’s replace ghosting with another term – abandonment. While you may not even care about someone all that much, being abandoned by them will be hurtful.
But there’s also the chance that they are not abandoning you, they want to talk more and get to know you more and being distant may signal those people to back off. Maybe they have completely different texting rules than you have and take what you say as different signals.
When I get ghosted, if I still want to hang out with someone I will text them at some point and lay all cards on the table. I’d just ask them if we’re still talking cause if we aren’t – I’ll leave them alone and if we are – I’d like to have better communication when texting.
At the end of the day ghosting and rejection are the same, so putting yourself out there to be rejected is scary but it will ultimately open the door to potential acceptance, too. Just don’t keep trying if they constantly do this and convince you they aren’t, it’s not you – it’s them at this point
i pursued my boyfriend after he had a crush on me years before and i had no idea! i just started hanging out in the same friend group and slowly got to know him, after a few days i realised i like him and want to get to know him better. i found his social media and later asked for his number. after a few weeks of talking i told him how i felt and asked him on a date. (i am extremely shy and would have never dared to do this before). we started becoming more serious without making it official and eventually he brought up the “what are we” talk. now we’re happily together and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Whenever I did pursued with a guy, he used it to stroke his ego and would bait and switch me CONSTANTLY. Act like he liked me one day, then the next day ignore me all so I would try harder and make him feel even bigger. Never again.
My big brother would tell me stuff. This 1 of them. He says he loses interest right away if a girl pursues him or show more interest. He it emasculated him so yeah…I guess it only works if the dude is very feminine