I’m looking for advice on what to do/ how to proceed.
Also, second opinion, am I overreacting?
I, (NB 17) am the oldest of five kids, both parents work from home, I have no nearby grandparents.
I also have the problem where I am homeschooled, and have no outside commitments. (Besides Church, but I stopped going due to homophobia) I’m with my family 24/7, and what little friends I have live 30-45 minutes away, and I’m not allowed to go see them without asking, or making plans days in advance.
I just have a pretty bad family life in general, and am planning to go no/less contact with most family once I turn eighteen in seven months. I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Binge Eating Disorder, and show signs of BPD. I say this to make a point my mind isn’t always in the greatest of places.
One of the big problems I’m having is the homophobia. As I mentioned earlier, my family goes to a VERY conservative church. One that believes everyone in the LGBTQIA+ community will burn in hell, no questions asked. This is a problem, as I am Nonbinary and Pansexual. I am still partly in the closet, I told my parents I was Bi to gage their reaction. Although Dad has been “Not big deal as long as you don’t act on it”. Mom has been calling me “that” bisexual. And saying I’m one of “those” people. She also went and told my grandmother and the mom of my friend after I asked her not to. Meanwhile I’m not out to my siblings, and one of them makes constant transphobic jokes and uses slurs.
I do have a sister “M” (15F) that’s come to me and said They’re Bi too, and having gender dysphoria, (Although M haven’t changed their pronouns at all, or offically stated anything, I will use they/them pronouns for them, It’s complicated )so they’re not going to church either, I’m not quite sure about where M stands.
Well, a couple months ago, M tries to unalive themself. Took a crap load of pills, ended up in the psych ward for three weeks. Ever since then, life’s been hell. M is doing waaaaay better now, and seems better, but still healing.
However, my younger siblings don’t seem to see how serious this is. My brother (13M) contantly talks about how when parents won’t let him play video games, he’ll unalive himself, or when he has to take out the trash, he’ll run away.
My sister (14F) DID run away, but we found her.
This not only triggers M, but also sends our parents into crazy mode, and affects all of us.
Every time I say something about being sad, mom goes on and on about how I’ll be the next kid to try and unalive themselves. (I’m depressed, but not s*icidal). They also installed an app called bark on all our phones, which tells them what we google, what we watch, what we post, what we write on google docs, everything we say to anyone. (The app claims not to send everything to parents, but I’ll tell you that’s a f*cking lie) I cannot have any conversations with any of my few friends, because my parents see EVERYTHING. (I’m a bad child and have two backup phones they don’t know about)
There’s other stuff too, but. It’s late, I’ll answer any questions/Give Updates when I can.
TLDNR: Mom thinks I’m going to Unalive myself because my sister tried too. She also thinks I’m going to hell.