I’ve been with my boyfriend (Both 24) for 3 years now and we talk to eachother about everything. About a year about my mates and I went to a pub for holidays and drank. I ran into my niece while I was at the pub and she was there with her friend group which included my ex. I introduced myself to my niece and we caught up because she’s been studying abroad so I have not seen her in some months. My ex also came and said Hi and we all were talking very casually mostly about how my niece has been going to school. We all decided to take shots and my niece left for some time to help her friend with something. My ex and I didn’t talk much besides about random things such as the singer that was performing at the bar. Well when she came back we all had been drinking for some time and we began taking pictures. I took pictures with my niece and I guess i took a selfie with my ex as well. We then went our separate ways for the night and the next morning my ex sent me those selfies saying he forgot he took them. I just joked saying we should burn these pictures and I never replied after and the conversation ended.
This was last July. I told my boyfriend about everything that happened and he was a bit upset that I had ran into him but we sorted it all out and everything is fine and he appareciated that I told him everything. However, til this day I feel so much guilt over the scenario. I wish I was firmer with my boundaries and for some reason I keep having this guilt like I cheated? I know I didn’t but my brain begins to convince me as if maybe I did and I just don’t remember or tell me how i’m a bad partner. It’s been a year and we’ve moved on but I still carry this guilt with me such as I’ve been unfaithful this whole time due to that night. Since that night i don’t drink that much anymore so I can be more stern. Sober me would not have taken the selfie which is where this guilt comes from.
If anyone has advice or similar scenario or just words to help i’d very much appreciate it. Thanks lots
TLDR: took a selfie with ex at party year ago and feel guilt like i cheated on my boyfriend
edit: We’ve talked about this situation a lot and he’s very supportive and ensures me it’s okay. iItry not to bring it up anymore because it’s not fair to constantly put him through it but don’t know why I can’t stop feeling guilt over something that in the grand scheme of things doesn’t matter.
2 comments
I don’t see what the big deal is unless there’s missing information. From what you said, it sounds like you and your ex are able to be civil. You and your partner also talked it out after he got upset and things are fine now unless there’s some underlying tension between the two of you that was triggered by this event or he gave you the impression things are okay when they’re actually not. Perhaps your guilt isn’t actually about the drunk selfie but something deeper or some other event related to it?
>I wish I was firmer with my boundaries
What boundary is it that you feel you crossed here?
Was it really the selfie, or is it that [even with alcohol as a factor] you found yourself way more comfortable around your ex way quicker than you liked and maybe that stirred some old feelings, etc?
Like realistically I don’t see what you did wrong. You were polite with an ex who happened to be in the same place/group you were in at the time. Maybe you’ve always considered exes 100% hands off but… well, adult life can be a bit messier than that. Like if you had spent the whole evening stonewalling him that’d have been super weird and awkward.
>I told my boyfriend about everything that happened and he was a bit upset that I had ran into him but we sorted it all out and everything is fine and he appareciated that I told him everything.
Honestly though, I don’t get his response either. Like you bumped into an ex, what is there to be a ‘bit upset’ about. He makes it seem like you did something wrong or whatever.