I (M24) had my first kiss with my first girlfriend (F22) about 5 weeks ago and ever since then my brain has changed and I need advice. Since meeting her I lost the desire to watch porn. I used to watch porn and masturbate daily for the past 8 years or so, and I’m thinking this is having a negative effect on my new sex life. We tried having sex three times now. The first time I couldn’t get hard, the second time I got hard but went soft after awhile, and the third time I stayed hard for 15 mins, but never felt the urge to cum. If anyone has any insight into my issue or advice on how to reverse this please let me know. She’s a great person and I really want to fix this for her.
2 comments
Does she know about your past addiction and how it affects you physically and emotionally?
That is step one.
Step two is the realization that porn is 2 dimensional and she is 3 dimensional and you need to make sure to teach your brain to distinguish between the two.
I was there before I met the gal who is now my ex. Porn did help me try things with her I would have never done before. But the physiological side effects took about 6-9 months to get over.
Be patient. Situations like this take time, and you fixating on performing will just make it worse not better.
There’s no silver bullet for this. You just have to relax and take it try by try. Focus on how much you enjoy being around this person and how much she turns you on. You’ll figure it out eventually. Sex is a skill, you develop it over time, and any excess pressure will just hurt your performance. Most people aren’t successful their first few times. Shit, I’ve had sex hundreds of times, and my first few times after taking a year long hiatus were terrible. I couldn’t maintain an erection, because I was so focused on performing.
Now, I’m fine. Focus on being attentive but not overbearing with your partners likes and needs. Your dick will figure itself out, assuming you’re not putting it in a vice grip every night.
If you still have issues in a month or so, go see a doctor and get tested for low T and explore other methods to maintain an erection. But for now, what you’re describing is 100% normal.