A love that develops over time vs love at first sight – does one mean more than the other?

10 comments

1. I can share my experience, married 15+ years. I did not have that love at first sight / butterflies thing.

   Now I run into different issues with how much I truly love this person.

   For example if you are in a rut with your partner where you lack intimacy, often the majority of the advice are things like “remember back to when you first met, what attracted you to him/her, what made you want to kiss/love/date that person”

   Can you imagine being in a place where the marriage has some issues and you are asked that what you would feel?

2. Fairytales don’t exist. That love at first sight is infatuation and lust. It’s Mother Nature’s trick to get us to reproduce. 😂. And after that phase ends, if the relationship lasts you know what’s left: a deep friendship and loving commitment and connection.

3. My husband and I met back in high school, and I’m two years older than him. The age difference is negligible now, but when I was in grade 11 I had no interest in dating a grade 9 student- it’s very different. And so we were just friends for many years. We dated other people, but eventually we ended up together and I fell in love with him. He is my person and my best friend. We have such a long and interesting history and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So no “butterflies” when I first saw him but we were in different points in our adolescence.

   We’re now 28 and 26, just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.

4. Love at first sight isn’t real. That’s called lust. Which is fine and fun and all! But you can’t love someone without knowing them.

5. I experienced love at first sight twice, when each of my kids was born. (Don’t get me wrong I loved my kids before then but that intense love at first sight feeling was a thing) But that feeling where I knew I would do anything to protect that little one and care for them no matter what was intense. It’s a bit different but I believe in it now.

   I think of love that is born out of friendship as stronger and deeper than a romantic love at first sight which is intrinsically superficial.

   My wife and I were best friends only at first. Love grew and we have been married 18 years and I have to say the butterflies are there now more than they were when we were dating.

   Honestly I realized I couldn’t imagine a future without my wife in it, back when we were dating. And we have been through a lot together. And every day that love grows a little more.

6. How many relationships have you had before this one? And have you had that feeling with other guys?

7. Love at first sight is survivorship bias. You (general you) might, more than once in your life, have an instant feeling of intense attraction to a total stranger. If they don’t go on to play any kind of role in your life, you’re going to forget about them pretty quickly. If you meet the person, and the attraction develops into infatuation develops into love and you actually stay together for the long haul, you’re going to remember that as “love at first sight” because the feelings were a continuum.

   You (also general you) shouldn’t marry someone you’re not attracted to, but it doesn’t need to have felt like a bolt from the blue in the very first moment you met.

8. I strongly believe love is built and not just a mere feeling

9. I had both with my husband. We fell in love at first sight when we were young, then reconnected years later and I love him more and more each day. I guess that’s what having a soulmate is like.

10. I’ve had love at first sight but that is not who I married. My biggest concern for your relationship is the “just never felt ready” comment. If not feeling ready after 8 years it may not be the right person