Hello r/sex, I’m badly struggling and need some advice
Whenever partners bring up kinks, I say I have none. I actually have a lot of very weird kinks. Nothing illegal or immoral per say, but things any normal person would find incredibly creepy and gross.
More and more I’m becoming uncomfortable with sex in general because I feel embarrassed about how dissatisfied I am with having vanilla sex/sex that solely indulges in other peoples’ kinks every time (and a little sick because it feels like if anyone found out they would be disgusted). I feel deceitful because no one realizes they’re sleeping with a creepy fetishist, and it feels like something is emotionally/mentally wrong with me because I’m finding it difficult to just shrug my shoulders and be satisfied with perfectly normal sex after years of hiding this.
I don’t know how to get rid of or confess these kinks and it’s really impacting my self worth. What can I do?
8 comments
Do you mind sharing what the kinks are? Maybe it’s not that weird
Give it a chance. Share with the person and see their reaction. You be surprised how open people are
You should be able to discuss these with your partner.It is a thing,perhaps they are more understanding then you think.Allow time for yourself ..find groups with like minds but don’t cross a fine and wavy line in the sand.Do not lie and hide emails or phone calls…that said person could be thinking way worse things are going on.
If your solo there are plenty of group chats for an outlet for you.There is a kink for everything.There is no need to feel shame just because you think differently then others.It does not shape you as a person and you shouldn’t let it effect your self worth.The fact that you have a conscious about it proves it there.
Best of luck!
A little bit hard to answer since I’m not sure if it would be better to give you advice about how to accept your kinks and talk about them or how to separate yourself from them. Kind of different things.
If they’re harmful, or if you think they might lead to harmful actions, consider speaking to a therapist about them. It’s not unheard of to have intrusive thoughts. Folks with experience can help you realize that they are… thoughts! And it’s okay to have them, and then let them go without giving them your attention. It takes practice, though, and folks who know how to help can help!
If it’s just that you feel weird about being into pee play, or being curious about pegging, or wanting to dress up as Star Wars characters… Relax! It’s perfectly common to find some “odd” things enticing and interesting and not understand why at all. The particular thing might be uncommon but people come in all kinds of varieties!
If you’re kinks involve things like “consensual non-consent,” you can go either way with this. If you feel like you need to separate yourself, see above. If you want to seek a partner who shares this kink, learn how to communicate very well. Educate yourself. Take your time. Keep communicating.
I’ve always had some deep-seated kinks that I was ashamed of (at least ashamed of expressing to a potential partner for fear of judgement). I was lucky enough to find someone on Tinder into exactly the same things. So, now I have a FWB that I can act out my kinks with and it lets me more enjoy the “vanilla” sex I have with other partners. You would probably have a more difficult time as a man but perhaps try an anonymous ad on Feeld or a similar site and see if anyone shares your interests.
That’s too bad, sorry your feeling like that.
Get on Fetlife. Make a profile and list your kinks. You will find your people.
Share with someone you trust. Need to get it out there even if you’re not looking to have a relationship with.