Hello,
Let me start with some context.
I’ve never been an avid dating person. My longest relationship ever was 5 months, and it was my senior year of high school, so over a decade ago. Since then, I dated a few women in college, but all of these relationships were very non-serious and short-lived.
I have spent the past 4 years digging myself out of an extremely low personal point. I graduated with another degree last December, started a new career-oriented job in February. I moved out of my parents for the last time a couple months ago. I have some money in the bank, I’m paying down my student loans and still managing to save a little money.
So I feel good about where I’m at in my life. But all this time, I felt that when I got to this point, I would be more eager to meet someone. But I’m just not. And I don’t know if that’s because I’m just disinterested in dating, sex, romance etc. Or if it’s because I don’t like using dating apps.
I get matches when I spend a little time swiping. And there are some women who seem nice and we make conversation for a couple days but it’s just so flat, and I don’t know how to manufacture conversation to make it not flat. I feel I would be a lot better at that in person. I don’t know.
But I always stop replying and stop using the app for a couple weeks before I eventually pick it back up and try again. This has been going on for a couple months.
Does anyone relate to this experience or have any advice on how I can motivate myself? Deep down I believe I want to be with someone.
Oh and to pre-emptively address this concern — my testosterone levels are normal. And I’m as sure as I can be that I’m straight, not ace.
Thanks in advance.
1 comment
I can definitely relate to fluctuating levels of interest in dating. A few thoughts:
– It’s normal and healthy to want to focus on yourself at times. Don’t force it if motivation isn’t there.
– Dating apps can feel draining. Consider taking breaks and focusing on real-life social/hobby groups where connections are more organic.
– You may need to feel totally secure being single before embracing partnership again. Keep growing at your own pace.
– Explore your values and what you truly want from a relationship. Having clarity on that can spark more drive to date.
– Dating is an adjustment after a long period focusing inward. Ease into it slowly without pressure.
– Small actions like saying yes to double dates with friends can gently put you in mingling mode.
– Don’t force dull app conversations. Prioritize meeting sooner if a connection seems promising vs endless texting.
– Consider noting feelings when more eager to date. Was a hobby fulfilling? Did self-work bring new insights?
Overall, trust that as you keep prioritizing your well-being, dating enthusiasm will come and go naturally without forcing it. Enjoy this milestone of independence. Connection will come.