My bf is really sweet and talented and lovely but he cries all the time. Wether he’s upset about something or I’m upset about something he cries. I’ve been through a lot and sometimes it’s really hard for me to be empathetic. Most recently around a month ago we both smoked weed in a park as we were walking back we were whistling. I wanted to stop but I kept whistling because I find other people’s whistling for long periods of time annoying. I stopped and when he didn’t stop after around 10 Minutes I told him I really didn’t like whistling not just his whistling but everybody’s. He cried and told me it was a lullaby. I told him I was sorry and comforted him. Then last weekend we went on a road trip. On the way up he sang and whistled the whole time I was annoyed but I didn’t say anything and felt like there was no way I could ask him to stop. On the way down he started whistling and then asked me what I was thinking. I told him I was considering telling him that I could only take 30 minutes of whistling. He cried I comforted him. I asked him how I should have said it and he told me to just ask him to stop. Which he’s right I should’ve done that instead. Last night we were watching lilo and stitch afterwards he seemed upset with me but didn’t tell me why just said not upset just sad. The next morning he told me he was sad because the movie reminded him of the whistling. Part of me felt resistant to comforting him because I had cried myself to sleep while he ignored me and because it’s hard for me to understand why it hurt him sm. Eventually I got to a point where I was able to recognize Him holding on to it meant that it had deeply hurt him. I told him I was Very sorry and I comforted him. He told me he was still upset and needed space. I left. I’m concerned that if whistling can be so big bigger issues will be unmanageable. I don’t want to invalidate him and force myself to a point where he is valid but maybe someone less jaded would have an easier go at it. I’m not sure how long I can keep it up
TL;DR
Over the course of a month my bf has cried because I don’t like whistling 3 times. The first time I told him this I didn’t know he was whistling a lullaby to me. I’ve apologized and comforted him many times but he is still upset. It is hard for me to keep atoning. This is not the only case like this just the most recent
1 comment
As someone who easily cries and gets my feelings hurt, you need to sit down and talk with him about the deeper side to this. He clearly has some sort of emotional capability, so maybe he is yearning for this type of conversation— come to him from a place of deep empathy and tell him that you grew up in a world where speaking your mind, even when telling someone to stop something that’s annoying you, never came from a place of judgment or hate. See how he responds, or ask him questions on how it made him feel when you told him to stop whistling.
Maybe he got embarrassed and it made him upset. Maybe the thought of being annoying to you is triggering for him. Maybe he grew up in a world where a simple mistake or being annoying lead to torment and hate from the people around him. Try to talk it out with him. If you are constantly apologizing still, it’s not an apology he is wanting—he probably wants to talk to you about his feelings but wants you to initiate it.