I’m sorry to write a novel but i have many questionings and i mishmash things between my shyness, my views on society and my thougths. TLDR : I’m questioning wether if i’m socially anxious or if it’s now normal to not be able able anymore to meet new people, strangers irl in public events and places ?
This may be a dumb question but i’m wanting to know if put too much pressure on myself or if i’m a socially anxious person who may have real social anxiety disorder, and sometimes i feel like everyone have SAD now. I know i’m shy and as more am an autistic person and i’d like to try to be less shy. I actually d’like to be able to meet new people, strangers, even in public place without anxiety or stress but i don’t know if i put too much pressure on myself. I’d like to be able to talk to people in events, in parties if i even decide to go there. Just wanting to be able to talk to people in public. I have a friend that go speak to people in public to strangers with no fear, and even if it means he won’t keep the relationship he’s just speaking with ease.
On the other hand, myself i feel anxious calling a friend to go out somewhere together, i scare going to talk to someone who looks cool or beautiful, who’s doing an activity that i know too, even if i’m in a festival where i know i share interests with the people there, go to someone say hello and exchange names, just chat about weather or the festival scares me to death and makes my heart beat fast.
My mom says that today in 21st century, people don’t meet in public places anymore and that everything goes through online meeting, through meeting friends of friends, through collegues at work. She says i put too much pressure on myself and that i should stop to worry about that.
But to me that seems so limitating, unhuman and so sad, how did people meet each other in the past ? I’m almost sure saying hello you look cool was a normal way to meet people but the arrival of internet seemed to make everyone socially disabled and unable to meet people through real life with strangers.
I guess that also depends a lot on the culture and where you live, i live in Europe in Switzerland, it’s not like Japan where everyone is socially anxious but it’s kinda of every person closed in on oneself, it’s not like USA or mediterrean Europe where everyone seems to know everyone in the neighborhood or open to meet strangers in public transports by exemple.
1 comment
That’s not how the U.S. is at all. No one meets people on public transit. I mean maybe if you see that same person every day several times but like, I’ve been to New York which has the most extensive public transit system in the country and no one is meeting new people there. Maybe if you see someone reading an uncommon book you’ve also happened to read or something.
And people in the U.S. hardly meet their neighbors. I live in an apartment and I’ve only met like two other people in the years I’ve lived here. People in the suburbs only seem to meet their neighbors so they can complain about them to the homeowners’ association that they’re not cutting their grass often enough or whatever.
But your mom’s wrong, people don’t just meet online first. It can be hard to find places where people are meeting people, but when you find those places then you have to get over your anxiety and actually meet them. Though finding the right place could help.
The right place could be with only like 20 or so people, so that if you’re the only person clinging to the wall not meeting people it’s a lot more noticeable. A festival sounds like too many people, in a crowd of a hundred no one’s going to notice if you don’t have anyone to talk to. Also with fewer people it’s more likely someone will come up and talk to you, you don’t have to do all the work starting the conversation, just be willing to engage. It also helps if there’s some sort of agenda, like everyone is there for a shared interest in something and not just like happened to come to this pub at this time.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s OK to leave if you feel too uncomfortable. At the same time remember everyone came to this place looking to talk to people. If they didn’t want to talk to anyone wouldn’t they just stay home? Therefore they want to talk to you too. You should give them the opportunity!