Giving back items to ex
I am cleaning out my room and came across a toy chemistry kit from an ex boyfriend of about 7 years ago. He had gifted it to me but it was gifted to him by his grandfather when he was younger. He was super close with his grandpa. I did use it back then with my nephew and niece so it is no longer in pristine condition. But I am wondering if he would like to have it as a memento. I feel bad to throw it away but also don’t want to intrude into his life since we broke up ages ago. I thought about dropping it off at his house with a note saying that was for him but also don’t t know if that’s appropriate and I don’t want to upset him. I also believe he is married and don’t want to upset his wife. The thing is, I know this was a special item and it’s probably the reason he gave it to me in the first place. Any advice?
TL;DR- I have what I think is a precious memento from an ex boyfriend and am wondering if I should try to give it back to him.
16 comments
Absolutely give it back. His wife shouldn’t be upset by a simple “I have this, how do I get it to you?” message.
After all this time, I wouldn’t do anything. It obviously didn’t matter enough for him to take action into asking or persisting for it back.
Mail it without a return address.
Yeah go for it. Write a note being clear about the Grandpa connection and cleaning out old things (and otherwise it would just be thrown away) and it should be fine. If he doesn’t want it he’ll just throw it away himself, but as long as you keep it focused on it being just normal human thoughtfulness and no subtext about reconnecting the marriage, it should be cool with everyone involved.
He gave It to you so it’s not a memento he’d keep to himself
Would be different If he didn’t gift it to you. I’d just throw It away after all this time
Just mail it back to him. Short note of explanation. That’s all. It might be something he’d want, it might not be. He can decide that when he has it back.
It doesn’t have to be complicated or messy, unless you have some specific reason where hearing from you in any capacity would hurt him. You didn’t mention that, so I’m assuming that isn’t the case.
do you have any mutual friends? acquaintances? someone closer to him than you but wouldn’t mind you contacting them?
if there is a third party that reasonable to ping, i would ask them and/or request they do the returning
returning gifts is a tough situation! if you decide it’s not worth it bc of the time, etc, you are doing nothing wrong by passing it on to someone else, keeping it, or throwing it away
Nope screw him not your problem
“HI. Sorry to pop up after 7 yrs. I’m decluttering and came across your grandpa’s magic set. I plan on donating it, but I know it had sentimental value and wanted to know if you’d like me to mail it to you first.”
From there it is what it is. If they respond you get your answer, if they don’t you get your answer.
Keep it short and cordial. Straight to the point so intentions aren’t misconstrued. Afterwards engage in no other conversation .
Do you have any means of contacting him? Either message him directly or ask a mutual friend to do so: send a picture of the kit with the message, “I found this item you gave me many years ago, would you like it back?”
No reasonable person could be bothered by a message like that.
Either he says yes and you both negotiate how to return it to him, or he says no thanks and you can dispose of it how you like.
> I thought about dropping it off at his house with a note saying that was for him
Don’t do this, this would come across as weirder than just contacting him directly.
Contact his wife – tell her that out of respect to her you chose not to contact her husband, but you found his grandfathers chemistry set while tidying up.. and ask if she would ask her husband if he wants it back, or if you should dispose of it….
Honest and open…
I think he would really appreciate having it back considering it belonged to a late family member.
You’re an adult, so is he, so is his wife.
Shoot him a message saying that you found the item, and ask if he would like to have it back and if not ask if it is okay to throw it out.
After 7 years it’s yours now
I agree with the other comment about giving it to a mutual friend or acquaintance would be more appropriate. Otherwise, he hasn’t asked for it back over all those years so it must not have been that important to him.
I’m with those that say you should try and reach out and keep it neutral. It might be something he’d love to have back.