24M, I matched with this person on Hinge a couple of months back. We hit it off right from the start. She was clearly hurt by her last breakup and was also prepping for her GMAT. She also left her job ti study – and clearly is in a lot of stress. She used always discuss how traumatic her past, and how bad it was. I used to be there for her, help her out with things. I used to also help with her gmat, work and host of other things. In short – I was too into her while there were hints that she was into me as well. I recently moved to another city, and kept in touch almost daily. We texted, called daily and it almost felt like the thing. But recently ive noticed shes begun to become cold. and gets mad at small things. I literally used to be awake night after night to help her out with her studies, and othr stuff thats affecting her.
Now i dont know where this is going – I have a strong gut feeling that she’s not invested into what we have.
Its a bit hurtful that even after everything, you just cant fix a broken person. Even if you succeed, at the end they leave you.
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Were you dating and/or did you bump uglies? If not–or maybe even if so–I’m not sure how invested you’re expecting her to be. It’s possible she just takes you for granted because you were too available. Freeze her out for a wk and see what happens.
Sounds like we need to talk to her about this then.
Also, sounds like we weren’t helping her out of the goodness of our own heart but to get something out of it. Which isn’t ok.
‘.. you just cant fix a broken person. Even if you succeed, at the end they leave you.”
Taking on a “project” rarely works out.
When someone is only with you because *they need you* it’s usually a temporary arrangement.
Most people prefer to be with those *they want* over those *they need*.
Eventually “graduation day” arrives and the broken person *you fixed* moves on.
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
Ideally you want to find someone who *already is* what you want in a partner.
Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own “red flags”, boundaries, and “deal breakers”.
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.’
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
If you’re not a therapist, then it’s not your job to fix a broken person.
If you are a therapist, I would question your decision of dating someone “broken” to try and fix them.
You don’t date a broken person hoping to fix them. People need to fix themselves, and then you date them once they’re better.
If you try to fix a broken person chances are better than not that they break you rather than you fix them.
Let that be a lesson to you. Don’t date people that need to be fixed.
Date people who are on your level now.
Yeah because people who are on hinge AND are trying to pass the GMAT are prime stable people.
IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. JOB. TO. FIX. ANYONE.
Unless you are a mental health professional and they are your patient, you don’t fucking try to fix a broken person you barely know.
Get off the fucking white horse.
You can’t fix someone. They need to choose to fix themselves. Let her go.
Why would you possibly think it was a good idea to fix anyone, ever? It’s pretty much a universal in dating that doing that is a horrible idea, deflating and fruitless.
And, here you are.
People who need “fixing” usually do back off when you get too close. It’s part of the shit that needs “fixing”. Call it avoidance, self-sabotage, whatever. You can’t fix other people. You can help them, or support them, but you can’t go to a gym and work out and build someone else’s muscles or cardio stamina, and you can’t process their emotional trauma for them.