Throwaway account.
I got married in mid-2022. Since then, I feel like my marriage has kind of gone downhill. It’s hard to explain, but basically I just don’t feel that there’s much between my wife and me at this point. We both work from home most of the time, and I just feel almost no desire to be with her at the end of the day. The little things I used to find cute just annoy me now, and the things that didn’t bother me in the past have begun to bother me. It almost feels like my mind is trying to make me antagonistic toward my own wife.
I’m beginning to question how viable our relationship can be in the long term. I’m realizing more and more that we just don’t have that much in common. Our dinner conversations are usually short and just consist of us recounting what happened at work that day, with maybe a bit of discussion on the news. We don’t have sex very much. It just feels like there’s no passion between us.
We also have a child on the way, and I’m not excited about it, while she is. I’m also giving up a great professional opportunity because it would require us to move across the country and my wife wouldn’t be able to continue working in her niche field there. I can’t avoid the feeling that I’ll feel bitter toward her for that, and that will negatively affect the relationship for the foreseeable future.
I’m nervous that my marriage will go on autopilot and become a loveless marriage, and I’ll be one of those guys who stays miserably married for the sake of his kid. That terrifies me and keeps me up at night. I don’t know what to do.
How do I get out of this rut? Or is this hopeless?
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4 comments
How long have you been together and Why did you marry her ?
I think with you both working at home you spend WAY to much time together. You need to get away from each other. Find other things to do separately. Hobbies or the gym. Try to start as soon as possible. The baby coming is definitely not going to help.
Hate to say this dude, but the kid is definitely going to cause way more strain on your marriage. Did you consider this before getting her pregnant…? You said you’re not excited about it, while she is. Well it takes two to tango. Why did you get her pregnant if you didn’t want it or weren’t 100% happy with the thought of parenthood? It’s hard to tell you what to do at this moment since you’re kind of on an expiring clock of how much time you have left before your entire world turns upside down once the baby arrives.
I suggest reading John Gottman’s book 7 Principles for Making a Marriage Work. He (and his wife) has researched marriage for many decades. I want to encourage you to read this and possibly read it together because it’s a wonderful resource for any couple. Your marriage is so new and there’s a baby on the way. I think it’s too soon to give up. But you shouldn’t be working on it blindly either.
Btw Gottman said the most important thing within a marriage isn’t actually communication. It’s friendship. You should work on that.