Am I an abuse victim?

People: Me (M22), GF(21)

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This is going to be very long-winded, but I will be breaking up this post into multiple parts, and I will summarize a TLDR at the end for those who want to make a quick judgement.

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About me: I’m 6’0” (183cm) and 160 lbs. I’m averaging 18 credit hours and just recently started the process of taking on a second job (already got the job offer and NBIS is handling a background check for security clearance). As of June of this year I tutor programming at a community college and I’m a soon-to-be computer science research assistant with the department of defense due to their loan repayment program and great benefits. Once I start working my second job, I’ll be making roughly 3k a month post tax and will not have to worry about student loans; I’ll also have my master’s degree paid for and will be outplaced from my department making around 80k when I graduate with my bachelor’s degree next fall. (This was confirmed by my hiring manager when we discussed terms of employment and what my contractual NTE of 2 years meant). I’m also fairly good-looking nothing crazy, but attractive enough to get complements from baristas and gymgoers.

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About GF:She’s a massive overachiever, makes 65k a year and has already has her bachelor’s degree. Her parents paid for her college and her first internship was handed to her by her mom’s friend (like they deadass created a role for her, and she didn’t have to interview for the company). Let’s just say she comes from money. She suffered her own problems and experienced/witnessed physical abuse at the hands of her brother growing up (will be relevant later). She’s very caring, shes attentive and I really love her. My only gripe is that she’s incredibly prideful and only likes to admit fault under EXTREME circumstances.

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A turbulent period:January of 2021 I was fired from amazon as a warehouse associate due to trying to clean a mess that had spilled into a “Safety Violation Zone”. Due to this infraction I was terminated without notice. Due to me having worked for 5 years without break I took this as an opportunity to get my GPA up from a 2.3 to a 3.4 over the course of 3 semesters. I had about 3 thousand dollars saved up and didn’t really feel like I had much to worry about. I had a rich work history (for my age) and thought I’d be able to jump back into the workforce without any issues. When the time came for me to jump back into the workforce, I fired up LinkedIn, Glassdoor and every other jobsite under the sun. I printed out 10 copies of my resume as well and went in to apply for anything and everything. Unfortunately I couldn’t land anything. McDonalds turned me down twice (I waited the 90 days and came back and got denied the second time due to not being able to work nights). At one point I did get hired by Whataburger and they brought me in for training then never called me back or paid me for the 10 hours I worked for that night shift. 5 months turned into a year and then a year turned into 13 months before I managed to land my current job as a Tutor (I make 20/hr but I’m capped at 19 hours a week rn). During that time of unemployment my girlfriend was getting (rightfully) fed up. She had never seen me as mentally and physically shattered as I had been. We stopped going out on dates and just stayed around our area to chill and mostly ate fast food when we did go out.During this time my girlfriend started to get uncomfortably close with a male colleagues at work (planning out an out of town trip to go see an artist she had no interest in before working there). I had found out that she planned it and never followed through, but it hurt me. Like bad. This happened seven months ago, but I still feel a tightness in my chest just thinking about it. I started getting unnecessarily clingy and my ADD started going out of control. I kept it to myself and bottled it up because my I didn’t want to ruin her image to my family and friends out of worry that they would blame me for allowing it to get to that point. They would also tell her that they appreciate how patient she is with me. They’re like a second family to her at this point.

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Skip forward 2 months to May of this year. I arrive 5 minutes after the ceremony starts because I live about 40 minutes away from the downtown campus of our university and there is no seating. Nonetheless, I am there and wait 2 hours to catch a picture of her walking the stage. After seeing her graduate, she texts me letting me know that it’s going to be a few more hours before they release them, so I head back home to wait and celebrate her graduation with her. After shes released she tells me to just stay home because everyone is tired and shes just going to get some drinks with her mom and grandma then head home and we can get some friends together to celebrate her big day. She then proceeds to ghost me and get blasted with her friends. I call her (a lot) because at this point I’m feeling like I’m just not that important to her and that im just there for when it’s convenient for her to have me. Around 2 am she picks up the phone and I can hear her friends in the background laughing at me. I asked how her graduation went, told her I loved her and then hung up. I was pretty hurt. I drove over to her house the next day and left the bouquet of flowers I got on her doorstep and went to the gym. I got a slew of texts about how I’m controlling and creepy while I was at the gym and just called my dad and ugly cried over the phone after my workout.

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Skip forward to the beginning of June. We reconciled and she admitted that during that time I was unemployed she had begun seeing me as less of a man, and that me not working had significantly changed how she viewed me. I had also agreed to try and be less clingy and to try and not focus on negative aspects in our relationship. We both cried. To celebrate we went to a cabin in a nearby city. We got really drunk on the first night and a few hours into some sexy time she spontaneously got dry and we decided to take a short break. She asked me to go get her phone, so I went and got it. When I got to her phone for some reason the cheating incident popped into my head and I unlocked it and took a quick glance at her text history before bringing it back. Big mistake I guess. She walked over and started screaming at me, choking me and pushing me around the house. When all was said and done I was left with a massive bruise on my arm from her biting me, and some lacerations from her nails on my neck. I don’t remember the rest of the night too well but for some reason I just decided to accept it and moved on because I didn’t want to leave her stranded 2 hours from home.Current situation July:I am a programming tutor and I just got accepted for a junior position with the department of defense as a research assistant which means that college tuition is no longer a worry. I am going to be working 2 jobs and maintaining a full time class load as well. I was talking to my gf about how happy I am to no longer worry about finances going forward and that I can finally save up to replace my car that is \*literally\* falling apart. Her response was that I can also start paying for both people on dates when we go out because im a man, and its time for me to be a gentlemen. I told her that even with these 2 jobs shes making twice as much as me and that I’m only comfortable with paying for half of our meals like we have been for the last few months. This led to her calling me some pretty shitty things, and saying that im just average, so this is something I should get use to.

For the last year her friends have been telling her that shes being manipulated and that everything shes been doing to me is justifiable. I feel incredibly broken rn and I genuinely feel like I’m the problem in the relationship because I haven’t been able to do enough to receive her love and affection. Am I in the wrong for breaking up with her, or do I still owe her more?

TLDR: I feel like im a victim of abuse, but everyone else around us says otherwise. Her friends say im creepy and manipulative. I genuinely don’t know what to feel or if I need help because I’m crazy.