Hi Reddit. 24M here. Last night I ended my relationship with my girlfriend (22F) of 3 years, and now I am feeling serious guilt. This girl stuck with my through my last years of college and years of military service.
To understand the breakup let me provide context. I recently moved to a big city to pursue my career-path that essentially requires me to live in a city early on. Around the same time I had to make this decision, she decided to move to a very rural part of the United States on the opposite side of the country to experience nature. We both promised each other we’d stick together. She stuck with me while I was serving in the military, and I thought it would only be fair if I provided similar treatment during this portion of being an LDR.
Upon me moving to the city, and her moving across the country, she cut contact with me. She told me she was giving up on reaching out because I historically wasn’t available to do phone calls when she needed it. We barely have talked since I moved to the city, and she moved across the country. She told me she needs to figure things out, and believes we are becoming different people. This is added to the fact that prior to this move, she would constantly criticize me as someone who wasn’t making her feel heard or valued no matter how hard I tried.
Eventually she calls me about how us going on different paths has made her question our relationship. She told me she needs space. I didn’t handle this well, and asked “are you trying to break up with me?” Upon asking this, she didn’t give an answer, and said, “I don’t want to be unfair to you.” It all felt like she was trying to break up so I ended things.
I’ve been feeling really guilty because this girl stuck with me through so many important moments in my life. Despite distance we previously had, she would never pull away nor would I. Her pulling away now and losing faith in the relationship really just made me feel like a break-up was necessary. Every call we had too would be calls that would create criticism directed towards me. I’d rarely get appreciation for what I would do, and her saying things have changed and that she’s losing faith in us made me think things need to be done. Did I do the right thing Reddit?
1 comment
From what I’m reading it sounds like it would have ended sooner than later. She told you that you guys are becoming different people and that you’re not making you feel valued even though you try. You even said she cut contact with you because you weren’t answering enough even though you probably had reasons since you’re in the military. If there’s no communication, then there’s no relationship. It pretty much sounds like she’s putting all the blame on you for everything that’s happened which isn’t right. She might have been there for you in the past, but it doesn’t sound like she was ants to be there for you in the present or the future. I think you made the right choice. Three years is a long time for sure, but you don’t need a partner who doesn’t appreciate you or puts all the blame on you. You need someone who will support you and work through the hard times and not just point fingers