Yesterday me and my husband went to have lunch as this is the only day we eat outside, he suggested a junk food while I suggested dine in restaurants (I explained to him MULTIPLE times that since I cook everyday and don’t go to restaurants with my friends because I’m on a diet and it’s the only day we eat out, we should eat at least a decent meal) so I insisted (gently) and so we went to a restaurant and he was okay and he liked the menu but suddenly he got mad out of nowhere and said he wouldn’t eat and when we left to a cafe so we could finish our work he dropped me off the car and said he would finish some work (he was mad), at this point I couldn’t resist so I left the cafe that he left me in and walked to another place, later on he called me and asked me where am I and I was really frustrated and crying that why he is punishing me? He did a similar thing last time and I asked him if he wants to get rid of me or if he felt bored, he tried to be kind but never apologized and when we talked I told him that I hate when he would punish me for trivial reasons, he said that I’m always nagging and only look on the negative side and he said that he hates that I’m a cold person and I’m very slow when I’m getting ready and when I cook (excuse me?? Then why you don’t help me?) today we have two tickets to go see a movie but I don’t feel comfortable going out with him again after feeling criticized and judged. Anyway we agreed to see a therapist but I don’t know while we wait.
**UPDATE**
No sure why some people are against me? Please understand that I asked him before many times that I want to go to restaurants with him and he AGREED, and ignored my demands many times. Before I got married he was NOT like that at all! We would go to a fine dining restaurant and he would spoil me with gifts, I didn’t know he cared that much about the money. To understand how I feel, I told him if I’m being sick you should bring me food and he said no, and when we went to eat breakfast he dropped off to home and went by himself and ate a lunch alone (he didn’t want to pay two meals for me). Please understand that I do all the chores and cooking and I make healthy food for both of us and I count the Protien and crab on each meal for the the whole week, don’t I deserve some appreciation? And yesterday he told me that he hates it when he sees me cooking late because he think I’m procrastinator. Why it bothers him when he would get his meal tomorrow? Why he doesn’t feel sorry for me and instead of watching he could do some help? Why if I go out with him and cooking when I come is making me procrastinator? I’m cooking late because Saturday is the only day that he would take me out.
**UPDATE 2**
Thank you for everyone who was trying to be fair and non judgmental! And I feel sorry for everybody who would make fun of me because of my language, I guess it’s obvious that I’m non native speaker and if this is hard for you to read then please skip it, I’m sure someone wiser would act more gently than you. At the end I’d just add that people who are making me like a bossy, I’m sure they just had a meal this week that they didn’t cooked, the people who thinks they deserve to rest and eat from restaurants but think the others don’t deserve that are simply narcissists 👌anyway please let me know if this conversation is making me bossy or sassy (who knows I may have not seen it)
🙎♂️: should we have fast food as a lunch today? I don’t want to waste my time setting on the table and waiting for the order we could just go to drive through and eat on the car
🙍♀️: if you want that it’s okay but it’s not what I want
🙎♂️: ok choose whatever you want but we will eat on the car and we will go to a drive through to order but choose the restaurant
🙍♀️: actually “drive through” service does only exist in junk food restaurants, so I can’t suggest anything else (with a sad face) .. but I have a list of restaurants..you can choose one
🙎♂️: dont be sad it’s just a restaurant.. but ok ill see .. emmm X restaurant has so many options, let’s go there
That’s literally what happened and I wasn’t rude or mean when we talked and he was ok, but yeah after he dropped me off I felt frustrated like where is he going and when will he come, and it was clearly a kind of punishment, but yes I over reacted by crying and telling him to leave me alone and feeling unwanted from him
28 comments
This seems like a communication and lack of compromising issue
Can you just skip going to restaurants on the weekends?
So you left, he didn’t leave you there?
You were right but you have to talk it to him to find out the root cause of his anger, he might have a hidden reason for that emotional behavior without thought
The restaurant situation, in my view, is just a symptom of deeper issues around communication and expectations. You speak of your husband with such negativity and dustain. As a first-time observer, I’m not sure if you are in love anymore.
Sounds like you both are in the wrong.
You can eat wherever you wish. If he doesn’t want to go with you, so be it. There is no rule saying you must agree where to eat. My god. Go eat
Hey OP quick question,. Where do you live? You can probably find good counselors
Trashing his selection of restaurants wasn’t trivial to him. So doing everything you can to minimize it like it wasn’t a big deal then trying to maximize his response to make it look as bad as possible in your post isn’t going to get you the correct answer. It will get you what you’re looking for those, validation. Having people say he is wrong and your right to feel better. Now take a deep breath and get over that paragraph.
Here is the truth, you’re both in the wrong.
Talking to him like he’s an idiot and being dismissive towards him is wrong. Going by his over reaction this probably isn’t the first time and it’s really bugging him now.
His reaction is wrong too. If he really wanted to go to that other restaurant that badly he should have his ground and not cave in.
Your dismissive, him doesn’t have a backbone.
I know your initial reaction to this will be to deny your treating him like this, a human thing to do. But next time there is a decision being made pay close attention to how you’re wording it and watch for it.
Couple therapy will with a science based therapist will help if your both committed to put in the work.
What did you say prior to him getting mad and leaving? I have a sneaking suspicion that you said something negative (most likely without realizing it) and he lost it. I watch my aunt do this all the time, without realizing, to her husband. She says horrible passive aggressive things, because she has zero empathy. She doesn’t mean it, she’s just very self centered and has never been able to see anything from anyone else’s point of view. (It’s due to childhood emotional abuse and defense mechanisms- but I won’t go into all of that). At some point (usually once every two to three months) he can’t ignore them and becomes super pissed off. Tells her she’s nasty and negative and leaves for a few hours to cool off. Aunt then acts like the victim and “can’t understand why he’s so mean.” I could be totally wrong, but I feel like I have watched your cafe experience many times over… I believe you two should go to therapy and learn how to properly communicate with one another, as well as learn how to see situations from the point of view of others.
Not saying that you are wrong but nobody just snaps and gets mad for nothing and out of the blue. Perhaps, again, perhaps you both have small issues and you should clearly communicate what both bothers you and then compromise, yes, you both may need to give up something in order for the relationship to last and thrive. Try it, what is the worst that can happen by actually making the other person more happier?
So you demand on going to a restaurant and expect him to be cool with it? So basically no compromise from your side? Okay
Weird it looks like you cried for not getting what you wanted
Are you sure your both in your late 20-s to early 30’s because you both seem to be acting like teenagers
It sounds like you need therapy to work on some of your control issues.
I’m sorry but this is so Season 1 Bree Van de Kamp 😆
You both sound horrible
Your update made it worse tbh.. you come across like a spoiled girl which you probably are
You can’t demand things cause you do things
That was hard to read.
Everyone sucks here
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You both sound awful
You both sound miserable and need couples therapy. Nothing anyone on Reddit can say will help as we’re getting o my one side of what seems to be a much larger issue.
maybe some weekends you can order food in and each get something you like. compromise and then every other weekend u can take turns picking the food i think that’s fair if it’s a big thing for both of u
Could you have forgotten to mention something that happened at the restaurant and make him mad or did he really get upset by himself out of nowhere? If sth happened that might cause him to get angry you should think about that otherwise there may be a big and heavy suitcase of problem he carries.
I’m sorry to hear that people are being rude. I don’t really know how to improve things. It’s hard being the sole cook and house cleaner. I’ll pray for your marriage. I don’t know if you’re trying to lose weight, if so, I love the app MeThreeSixty to track body changes that are non-scale victories. It’s how I realized I had just gained 20 pounds of lean muscle while staying the same weight.
Well, looks like his latte wasn’t the only thing that got steamed! 😂🤷♀️
It’s hard to read this post…the grammar is awful and I can’t follow.
Whether it’s he’s characters or your, if he can drop you off anywhere and leave, he’s not the man for you. You need to leave him and regroup and live your life or find a more loving man.