It’s difficult for me to find anyone to swipe on in my age group and location, and then of the people I do swipe on, most of them I’m not attracted to when we meet in person. It’s really frustrating because I try to connect with people and give people a chance, but there has to be some level of attraction. I feel like I’m running out of people 😞
Does anyone else have this problem? Have you found a way to work around it? Is it only going to get worse the older my age group gets?
29 comments
Struggling with that right now. I tried dating someone who *was* attractive, but I wasn’t necessarily attracted to her and that part of the relationship really fizzled for me and then it eventually ended. So I’m not trying to do that again, and it’s hard out there. There aren’t many people I’m attracted to on the apps. The first woman I was attracted to in a long time officially ghosted me. Our 2nd date was supposed to be today.
I don’t have advice but I’m dealing with the same thing. I don’t know what to do 😔
Yes! Absolutely! I’m in the uk, in a beautiful but remote area. The last man was 45 mins away which was ok, but it does knock time off the date & a rush after work if we wanted to go out, but I’d be fine to that sort of distance again. I think living in the country 40 miles is normal, to someone living in a city they’re looking 5 miles max! I can’t find anyone else close, it’s very disheartening & at the end of the day I want to move on from the last man and I believe if I have company and doing new things with a new man I’ll stop thinking of the old one. But it’s impossible to find anyone! I wish it was easy to go out and know who is single but most are attached or the ones who I know are single really aren’t my type. The last man was perfect for me but he didn’t feel the same so it’s really upset me & put me off looking again.
If you find any answers to finding a good man, please share them!
Same issue here. I’m attracted to about 10% of the men I meet for first dates. When you add in the need for mutual interest, compatibility, and availability for a relationship, it gets pretty damn difficult.
Yes I find more than half the people I meet don’t look like their pictures. Frustrating.
Yeah, it’s a struggle for sure. I don’t like beards, as in bigger/bushier ones, but soooo many men have them these days, for example. Tons of women love it, but I’m just not one of them. I don’t want to swipe right on a guy just in hopes that he will shave it soon. He could be perfect for me though!! I just wouldn’t know because the beard is too much of a turn off for me at first.
It’s been a barren wasteland for dates this year around here, beard or no beard though.
Yes, definitely.
I’d been wondering if there was something “broken” about me, or if I had developed unrealistic expectations, so it’s very reassuring to hear you ask the question and see these responses!
I have to remind myself, I found someone attractive in 2017, another in 2018, and another in 2019, so it isn’t like it’s impossible. It’s just lower probability than I’d prefer.
Fully agree with u/UnlikelyPizza2 — I’ve tried to force a relationship with someone I wasn’t attracted to, who was right in so many other ways, and it didn’t work in the bedroom.
Some of it can be location. I tried Hinge for awhile and got exactly zero matches. The few I swiped on and was attracted to never matched.
Well, I did actually end up with a few matches, but as I suspected they were all bots. I only swiped on them to see what happened.
On the same island.
I find women attractive all the time but being able to find connection is another story.
You’d have a better chance finding a new planet than finding me a match.
I definitely understand this feeling. I tried going the opposite route–like, figuring out things I definitely find unattractive and then swiping right on people who didn’t have those things, even if they also didn’t have the things I think I find most attractive. It didn’t pan out, lol. Met some nice people but no real sparks…so, don’t have an answer, but would love if someone had other advice!
Maybe it’s time for a move? Where I lived (small town) before I wasn’t attracted to anyone.
Now I live in a big city and I swear, there’s beautiful men everywhere. However my city is also known for pretty men and women so yeah haha.
You can’t do much else. You can’t force yourself to become attracted to someone. You either are or aren’t. So look elsewhere, maybe you’ll be surprised
I’m struggling with this too and I’m wondering if I’ll do better on a different app.
Focus on it less. There will be pics that are definite no’s, and they’re fine to swipe left on.
When you find yourself getting picky and thinking, just not my type, don’t swipe left. Look at some of the other things about them, see how the conversation and energy goes. Try a first date.
Bc profiles are not very significant. I can say from experience I’ve been totally stunned both ways on first dates. Either someone I thought was gorgeous wasn’t, or someone I had no attraction to was breathtaking.
Applies to more than just attraction, but dating goes better the less you try to predetermine and the more you let yourself be surprised.
YES. Last 7 dates, I have found one of those people attractive, and that’s already being super picky with my swipes. Then you filter also for personality and long term compatibility and it’s basically no one.
Tell me you’re a woman without telling me you’re a woman.
It’s a numbers game. I love the story of how 9 figure business owner couple Leila and Alex hormozi met. Leila went on a date on bumble once a week for 18 months before meeting Alex. She stuck to it and kept going on dates despite a year and a half of nothings. Not sure I could do this myself but I always think about it.
I used to have a similar problem, only my problem was that apparently I’m just attracted to horrible men. There’s something broken in me that only responds to an asshole man.
Also, I’m apparently very superficial and am only attracted to “hot” gym guys….who generally are rather self absorbed and obsessed with the gym.
I feel bad about being so superficial, but I can’t help what I’m attracted to. I even tried dating a guy who I wasn’t really physically attracted to, and he ended up forcing himself on me. So no matter what I do, I only attract douchebags and I’m only attracted *to* douchebags.
After years and years of trying, I finally just gave up. I can’t say I’m “happy”, there’s a lot going on in my life that prevents that, but I’m happier than I was when I was trying to “find the one” because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t exist, at least not for me.
I am getting increasingly confused about this. Guys who I don’t even find particularly attractive are the ones politely declining second dates. It makes me feel like I don’t have a accurate self-perception of how attractive I am. At the same time, the ones who “stick” are the ones I find more attractive. The more I date the less I understand about it
I struggle with this too. The only reason I matched with one guy I dated was because I had already met him very briefly in person. I didn’t really find him attractive at the time either, but during the first date I really started to feel it sitting next to him and listening to him talk and laugh with me. I couldn’t get enough of him after that. It often makes me feel like dating apps are almost pointless for me because if I go off of that experience and match with people I don’t find attractive, I feel like I’m stringing them along in a way if I give it a few dates to develop. But then if I only match with ones I find attractive, I think I’m eliminating people who might be better in person. It all causes a lot of frustration. I don’t like the advice people give to completely abandon the apps because it feels like giving up, but I definitely think meeting people in real life has much better results for me.
Welcome to the club
YUUUUP. I find quite a few guys objectively attractive but that doesn’t automatically make me attracted TO them. Finding someone I feel genuine all-around attraction to is something that happens maybe once or twice a year, at best. Though I seem to be especially cursed in the sense that when I do find someone like that they’re usually attracted to me too but it *still* doesn’t work out or go anywhere. 🙃
But for me, it’s not purely physical… I can find someone super hot but feel nothing for them if their personality or way of thinking doesn’t pull me in. It makes it hard to judge guys on an app purely because of it. Like, sometimes I’ve gone out with someone I didn’t find super hot but I developed attraction in getting to know them because everything else was amazing, and sometimes I’ve found someone extremely attractive and compelling on paper only to meet them and feel like “**ew**” about how it all translates to reality (or they think this about me lol)
Definitely feel that feeling of running out of people, especially since I see the same guys I was/am attracted to on the apps still like a constant reminder of how few there are. 😂
I have this problem too. It’s easy to find people I think are attractive physically. It’s VERY rare to find someone I’m attracted to. Very different things.
[removed]
No man is a viable partner until I know how good we fuck. haha
This is me 💯. I’ve been on around 50 dates this year and was probably attracted to 4 of them but either dated them and it didn’t work out or there were personality or lifestyle incompatibilities (sociopath, low effort, had children). I wish I could be attracted to a wider range of people!
try getting off the apps and getting out into the wild.
The vibe is important to.
Its you …. not them
I’ve found this. The crazy thing (to me) is for attraction, I just need “nice” teeth. By nice, I mean brushed, all accounted for and mostly facing the right direction. I feel like the bar is so low you could trip over it. But nope. I’ve even shown up to a date and he used an app to fix his smile. 🤦🏼♀️