long story short i (19F) was in a talking stage with this guy and he kind of sexually assaulted me + coerced me into doing stuff. i’ve ended things with hin already and it’s been about 1.5 months but i’m really confused with regards to how i feel about all the sexual shit that happened. for the full story u can read this post:
If it wasn’t exactly sexual assault, should I still feel like shit?
by u/poopinghorse1 in sex
honestly despite some people telling me what he did can still be regarded as assault even if he hands didn’t touch my v*gina, i still don’t know if it’s valid to be affected by it. or if i’m even that affected by it or my brain is just pushing the notion that yea, i was violated, so i have trauma.
i’d say i have stopped thinking about it. however, occasionally i’d have nightmares..in these nightmares, similar things would be happening to me but instead of him it would be other people. in 2/3 of these dreams, it was my therapist that assaulted / harassed me, which was really scary because he’s someone i trust with all this trauma.
idk if i’m traumatised or not because when i broke things off with him i found myself more affected by other factors (eg. him liking another girl more than me) and it’s as if i got over the sexual stuff quite quickly. but my dreams say otherwise and i think i do feel a lot of shame for even starting something sexual with him when he wasn’t my boyfriend and i shouldn’t have gave in so easily. yet i feel like so many other people have had it way worse than me so idk if it’s even valid to say i have trauma from my situation.
1 comment
Go to therapy. You might think it’s been a while or you’ll get over it eventuall but you won’t. You see something like this is going to poison your mind like an infection and you might feel ok but subconsciously it’s there and then when you find a good person you want to get close with it’s will come up all over again. Talking about it to a professional tharapist will allow you to deal with it now and help you learn how to deal with potential triggers. Also talking to a therapist will help you practice talking about it so you can talk to you future partners about this way they can support you and know how to avoid accidentally triggering you. You see the most important part of sex is communication and it’s even more important to be able to communicate when you have sexuall trauma. Now I’m not saying you have to tell people on the first date about your trauma not at all. But just being able to say I have some sexuall trauma so I’ll tell you when I’m ready to tell you. That starts the relationship on a path of communication and talking things slow. Sure you might be worried about someone leaving after hearing that but you do really want to waste time with some who not going to give you the time you need to get to know them. Life is too short to waste it on the wrong person. You deserved a great sex life the way you want it. But the only way to get it is be communicating it as early as possible. So by going to therapy you’ll be able to learn how to do all that after everything you’ve been through.