ok so I [20M] been with this girl [19F] for last 5 months alright. she’s an absolute angel, i couldn’t but help think how lucky i got in life to have her because she just loves me and adores me so much.
but before we were a thing, she has been around with a lot of guys and has had sex with a few (7 to be exact) and it’s all cool now
we have a very healthy relation, everything is going really but i really can’t help but at sometimes break down and think about her past. i know this might be very stupid of me but i am an overthinker and my exes always were rough on me and treated me like i was ab option
there is no way that this girl will leave me but i dont know i just can’t seem to make peace with the fact that she was with so many other dudes before me
am i even supposed to make peace with something as such? i am very confused, i really do love this girl alot more than anything and i really wanna keep her
i don’t know i really need you all to help me out here and give me the all the advice you can give me.
3 comments
With the way youre overthinking things, she probably will leave you at this rate. Stop focusing on the past and focus on the present and future.
It’s quite normal for guys to be worried about a woman’s sexual past. At some levels it is useful because it says something about her level of sexual desire and her attitude towards risk taking. Your primary worry is cheating I take it? You should know though that it’s a very crude and unreliable indicator of cheating risk. You have to evaluate her total behavior. Most importantly: Does she act in a trustworthy manner or does she lie and deceive?
I guess your second worry is that you’re not good enough in bed? If so, why not use this as an opportunity to improve in the bedroom? Read lots of books with sex tips for example. This can reduce your insecurity on the sex front.
And I guess your last worry is that she is more likely to leave you for another guy? And to that I will say: you are both 19-20. You have to accept the fact that there is an extremely high likelihood your relationship will not last forever. No matter if she was a virgin before meeting you or if she was very sexually experienced..most relationships that start when you’re 19-20 do not last.
You are not stupid! Insecure? Sure, but insecurity is not stupidity, and even if it were stupidity would be so common that no one would bat an eye at it anymore.
That does segway into my next point. This is you being insecure over an irrelevant thing you have 0 control over and that has 0 impact on your relationship or on how she feels about you. It’s not wrong to be insecure, but the first thing you have to do is to understand that this is only a problem in your mind.
So I ask, why is this a problem for you? Would you love her less if it was 8? Would you love her more if it was 6? Would you love her even more if it was 0? Is it possible that you are, for some reason, attributing some value to her and you think that that value is eroded by each partner? Because if that is what you think, why?
So, figure out why this is a problem for you. Keep in mind that this is only a problem for you. and work this out in your mind.
One last food for thought: Do you understand that this means that out of all these guys, you are the one she chose to be with? She could have stayed with any of the other guys, she could still be alone, but she wanted to be with you. That got to count for something right?