A couple years ago I landed the girl of my dreams. The girl I played in the front yard with. The one I went to elementary, middle, and high school together. The one that braided my little sister’s hair. The one that I would make boys only forts to keep her out hoping that would encourage her to come in. My first kiss. My best friend. The center of my universe for 20+ years. After college we got together and then earlier this year we were engaged. She left me unceremoniously. It has been 2 months no contact. I am in a perpetual state of grief. How can anyone get over anything like this. There is no one that will ever compare to her. It is a miserable existence. How does anyone get over anything like this.
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TLDR: Girl I’ve known my entire life left me after our engagement. I am at a loss on how to go on.
5 comments
Very sorry to hear this.,
This sounds like limerence. You can google it.
Can be serious, might want to find a therapist. Time helps.
I think the comment about limerence is a bit insensitive. You just lost someone who you grew up beside and love deeply. It makes sense that you’re grieving. I would feel gutted in your situation 🫂 I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Grieving takes time. I’m sorry I don’t have anything else to offer. Good luck.
it’s going to take a very long time to get iver rh8s heartbreak. seek solace in friends, family and maybe therapy. try to find clubs or hobbies, group biking or hiking trips when you are ready to keep your mond off this sadness and one day, it will be ok.
so sorry, this is incredibly difficult. I went through something similar and it took many years to get over it.
Shit OP you’re in the thick of it. I’m sorry you’re in pain, you spent your entire life connected with this person and so naturally the attachment has many threads in your mind, heart, body, spirit. You have no choice but to go through the dark night that is this suffering. To feel it, breathe it, see it from every angle. And, it will pass. I promise. Nobody will replace what you had with her and also you are going to integrate and learn from this magnificent depth. I promise. I’ve been through it. This will change you and you will develop a scope of empathy and capacity to love far greater than what you’ve yet known.
Do what you need to do to feel everything. Remember to take care of yourself and your basic needs while you do, it will help you process faster. I imagined parenting myself (to get out of bed, to eat, to keep a clean home, etc.). Its so easy to let basic needs slip but that will perpetuate the pain. Stay strongly connected to your will power no matter what. Eat, shower, clean, then cry in bed. Go for a walk and cry in a park. Go to therapy then go to the gym then come back and let yourself be immobile on the floor (to FEEL). Our deepest pains are also our doorways. Lean in. You’ll make it through this. This is alchemy my friend.. it’s the worst experience that nobody can lighten for you. But we can see you, acknowledge you, believe in you, and remind you that you matter, you’re loved, your body was built to hold every feeling, and your life is your own. Countless humans have shared in this experience. Sorry if this is too heavy on advice giving, take what resonates. You can do this. Sending love.
The selflessness of you to not only share this wisdom with me, but to carefully spellcheck, edit, and probably revise your initial draft. I’m hopelessly grateful that there are people like you in this world. You are a compassionate and thoughtful person. Thank you so much.
Much love,
Michael