Hi, I’m 17 and from France so I’m sorry if my English isn’t perfect.
Please read my whole post if you want to comment to get context and please don’t be rude to me, I have some bad experiences on this advice subreddit.
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About 3 months ago I messaged a girl I met briefly at an event and told her I liked her and she seemed very nice and pretty to me. After some back and forth messaging we went on a “date”, then another and another…
One thing you should know is she’s very shy and nervous and she never been in a relationship (me neither).
Something I’ve noticed is she often doesn’t read my messages for a day or 2 (she says she doesn’t use her phone a lot) which is the opposite of me since I text all day. And when we meet it’s always a week or 2 in between those meets because she says she’s often busy.
So we’ve met in real life about 7 times (recently we were both on a month vacation and couldn’t) and I liked it but she often seemed like (now less) she wasn’t being herself which made it a bit awkward at sometimes.
At the 3rd date I “asked” if I could kiss her, and she was kinda speechless and didn’t really seem like she wanted too. But she did say that she does have feelings for me irl and in texts she will send hearts or kisses etc. So some things give me mixed singles.
1-2 months after our second date I asked again and we could be a couple but she said sorry multiple times and that she needed more time. I told her it’s okay but deep down I don’t really like and the low amount of contact we have (irk/msg) makes my feelings slowly fade…
What you should also know is that almost always when we meet, it’s because I ask her, it’s almost never been the other way around, same thing with messaging, it’s usually always me who sends the first message.
Now it’s been a month after our vacations snd we haven’t met. Is it wrong for me to not send an invite to a date now to just see if she will even do it? It’s not pleasant to be the only one trying to plan one for me…
Am I a bad person for feeling less in love because she needs more time even after 2 months or more?
I feel awful even thinking about “breaking up” because she needs more time, am I?
I don’t know what to do or how to feel.
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TL;DR She says she has feelings for me but sometimes I don’t see it. I really think that she does feel something for me but her not really seeming ready for a relationship after 2 months and taking everything slowly while we don’t have a lot of contact (irl/msg) makes my feelings fade a bit.
3 comments
She’s 16, shy and not letting you push her into things she’s not comfortable doing. 2 months is nothing, you two are barely dating and she owes you nothing. If you’re already frustrated and losing interest, find someone else.
Let her go, sweetheart, and wait for a more mature person. She’s not ready for what you want.
You should definitely let her go and find someone who wants the same things as you. You’re not a bad person for wanting to progress the relationship, and she’s not a bad person for not being ready – it’s just that you’re both at different maturity levels/have different goals right now.
And it’s perfectly normal to lose feelings for someone that you barely get to talk to, especially where the relationship shows no signs of progressing. It’s ok to move on and find someone else!