My husband (31 M) and I (26 F) got married this year in April. A couple months before the wedding he quit his job as the manager of a gas station and since then has been slowly changing for the worse. He is very money conscious so has become stressed and depressed now that his savings is gone and he is struggling with credit card debt. I top of that he is withdrawing from his friends, especially our close mutual friend.
He used to love children and was close to my nephews but he now says he doesn’t “want to be close to them because then they won’t respect me”. He said this after one of my nephews was acting out one day while he was out with them. He also is holding a grudge against our close friends spouse because they got into one verbal fight. The spouse apologized but my husband is using it as an excuse to avoid social gatherings.
Our family and friends are getting hurt because he is avoiding them and it makes me feel embarassed to be his wife how he is acting. At this point, it seems to be causing fights between us everyday. We make up quickly but then he will repeat the same actions. All he cares about is driving Uber and Amazon for money. Whenever I call him out for this he justifies it by saying “money makes people happy”. I keep explaining that no amount of money can make me happy when he is acting like this, but he doesn’t listen.
I realize he is depressed (I work in the Mental Health field) and he did go to the doctor and get medication but stopped taking it shortly after. I believe a steady job would help too, but he just won’t decide on what kind of job he wants. He got a position through a temp agency in manufacturing last month and quit less than two weeks in. I understand cultural differences might be at play (I am American and he is Northern Indian, we live in America), but if anything I thought it would just make his relationships with others stronger. He is always reminiscing about how close friends and family are in India but he refuses to spend time with our friends and family at all now.
This doesn’t just affect others, since we got married he doesn’t take me out to do things. When I do convince him to take me out, it’s a huge fight beforehand and then he finds a way to be miserable and quiet during the event to the point I’m embarassed. When I have a family emergency, like my brother being in hospital, he refuses to go with me for support. I love him and there are a lot of days at home we are happy but we can’t stay shut up in our apartment our whole lives. I don’t know what to do at this point.
TLDR: My husband won’t spend any time with friends or family or take me to do anything because he’s depressed and change in personality. All he cares about is money. I’m lost for what to do at this point.
1 comment
He should have kept his job. I confess, I didn’t read through your whole post. The first paragraph told the whole story. He should have kept his job, and not tapping out all his financial resources. Along with running up credit cards. Even if things turn around, y’all will be paying off interest rates alone depending upon the percentage. Along with paying back all that he borrowed from.