I (25f) think my husband (26m) is trying to baby-trap me.
To give some context, I (25F) pick up three packs of birth control every three months. I ran out of my current pack yesterday and went looking for a new pack, as I thought I had picked them up last month. I keep them in the same place in my nightstand, pushed next to some books in a drawer. I’ve always kept them there for the almost ten years I’ve been taking it.
They weren’t there last night. I told my husband (26m) and he suggested I probably ran out. He also “helped” me look for them and the first place he went was that spot in the nightstand. He’s never physically seen me put them in there before, I know that for sure. But they weren’t there. And I definitely thought I had gotten them last month. So I went to refill the prescription today and the pharmacy tech told me I’d have to pay because insurance only covers them every three months. Basically confirming that I had picked them up last month.
I went home on my lunch break to look for them and spent 30 minutes flipping my bedroom upside down trying to find them. I looked in every bag, box, crevice, and drawer and they were just gone.
Here’s where it gets fishy.
Three weeks ago, my husband and I had an argument because I am very terrified to have children. I know that “it’s great” and “I won’t regret it” according to every mother ever, but I just don’t want to do it. There are so many children in this world who need a parent, I would so much rather adopt. Well, I told him this and he freaked. I understand why he was upset, but there is a laundry list of reasons why I just don’t want to do it, and his lack of compassion in other situations definitely feeds into that.
Anyway, fast forward to now, I confronted him about my BC disappearing and he had a very strange reaction. He said “I mean I said I want kids, but not right now. I’m not about to go throwing your birth control away.” That, to me, seemed like a weird way to skate around the topic. This was also over text message and he had waited a good thirty minutes to respond.
We’ve been fighting a lot recently about a variety of other things and this just seemed like very convenient timing. I’m just not 100% sure. It seems like such a crazy thing to do. Just want to hear other’s thoughts on it.
TLDR my birth control went missing around the same time my husband and I started fighting about kids.
44 comments
Maybe maybe not. The bigger issue is your incompatibility. You do not want children, he does. Unless you decide together to become polyamorous, the relationship should be over.
Switch to something he can’t mess with.
It sounds like you’re incompatible and reproductive control is abuse and him tampering with your birth control falls under that umbrella.
Ok I just want to point out the massive red flag of incompatibility here with not wanting kids. It’s perfectly fine for one person to want kids, and one person to not want kids. It’s not fine for them to be married to each other. Those are opposite views that always lead to resentment and bitterness.
Marriage counseling now to compromise or come eye to eye, or please for the love of God leave that man now
How did you, who does not want children, manage to *marry* someone who does? What did you talk about before you got married?
OP, I don’t think any of us can tell you if this is a baby trap problem or if they fell into that mysterious abyss missing things end up in. But don’t have sex with him unless you are on reliable birth control. And the two of you need to sit down and decide if this miss match on kids is a deal breaker. He’s not wrong; you’re not wrong. But you are likely wrong for each other.
I’m not going to touch the BC issue since everyone else has. I am going to speak to what all those mothers tilde you…. THEY ARE LYING!!!! Having children may be great and you may not regret it BUT it may not be great and you may majorly regret it. I love my kids and would never give them up. However there have been times that I really regretted having kids and I’m talking about the times that they are just flat out annoying or going through a phase (puberty sucks). But there are times when I sit here and look at my lovely children actually behaving themselves and doing what I asked them to and think “why the hell did I ever have kids” and truly regret it. But that is rare. It is also not always great, terrible twos are called that for a reason, puberty is just soooo much fun to parent through, and when they are teenagers and know better than you is also a wonderful time. Don’t have kids if you are in the fence about it.
I think this is a pretty clear sign that you need to get out of this relationship. You seem to be incompatible.
He wants biological kids, you don’t want to be -pregnant. Neither of you is wrong, but that’s a big difference to try to overcome. One of you is always going to resent giving in to the other if you stay together. No amount of counseling is likely to help in that case.
I do think he’s trying to baby trap you. Especially when your birth control went missing after fighting about kids, and his behavior when “helping” you look for your BC.
Kids are not something you can compromise about. Be kind and end things. You are not compatible long term.
Why did yall get married if he wants kids and you dont?
My sister’s ex did that to her, and now she has two kids with him when she wasn’t ready. You two are incompatible and I would highly recommend getting the implant in your, the only way anyone can fuck with that is if they dig it out of your arm. Also, the IUD hurts like hell for weeks if you’ve never had children, trust me I know from experience.
Why did you marry each other with different views in children? That’s a deal breaker for most
Get yourself the implant, he can’t mess around with that unless he tries to cut it out of your arm..
Get an IUD
This should have ended when you guys disagreed about having kids
Don’t have sex with him while you’re off birth control. Do you live in a pro-choice location?
Well, the consequences of not finding BC = no sex. No sex = no kids. He’s so guilty 0f taking them.
don’t have any more sex with him especially if you’re going to end the marriage.
Even if the missing pills magically turn up, they could’ve been tampered with in the pack to make them ineffective. Extreme heat is one way Car, microwave…
OP beware.
If you are on different pages about kids you are incompatible.
Why did you get married without talking about kids?
if you really wanna try and see if he did it, make him wear a condom until they’re found.
Go get an iud placed. Don’t have sex with him until you get it.
Honestly, it sounds like you two are on completely different topics when it comes to kids and that is not a good thing and a marriage and if he’s going to act shady like that, then you probably want to find a different model. Just let him know that birth-control only works in regiment, so if you don’t take it for a few days or a week and then take it on a Monday, that does not mean that you are good until you’ve taken it for a few days and it’s in your system, so no sex for him.
Also, I would straight up ask him where he put them and every time that he hesitates just say stop thinking about it and tell me where you put them and just keep doing that until he says some thing and if he doesn’t tell you where they are, then I would just ask for a divorce.
Also, if you’re anywhere near Boise, Idaho, feel free to hit me up. I’m fixed…
He might have. It seems like you two want different things with regards to children. You might need to reconsider your marriage, unfortunately.
Go get the Paraguard IUD right now. If he’s been tampering with your pills at all that is the safest and strongest preventative. Plus it’s non-hormonal and lasts for 10 years so you have plenty of time to figure out if you want to continue on it or not. IUDs do hurt going in but never having to worry about BC is amazing. Plus if it doesn’t work for you you can easily have it removed.
Please be safe and get away from him. Even if he wasn’t being malicious, the incompatibility is too much to overlook. You deserve better.
Call your doctor & explain what happened. They might have some free samples they can give you to cover for a few months before you can get an 3-month prescription filled on insurance.
And I would tell him you know he threw your pills away & you won’t be having sex with him for at least 2 months.
Def sounds like he’s scheming.
I had to get Nexplanon because my abuser wouldn’t stop trying to impregnate me within the six weeks after I gave birth.
As soon as I was cleared to get on birth control again, I got Nexplanon. 3 years of peace. Aside from him threatening to cut it out of my arm and biting at it when he’d attack me, of course.
I mean, why would he throw them away if he is trying to trap you? It is obvious that you don’t have any right now so you would take other precautions. It would have been a better trap if he just microwaved it and put it back.
Well it’s easy just tell him no nookie till you have birth control .
He is absolutely going to baby trap you. Do NOT have sex with him, but particularly not before the whole BC thing is down on lock.
Is your husband a proven liar for you to accuse him? Nothing weird about his reaction if he’s trustworthy…
From what I read your current state of mind is you’re “terrified” of having children which, imo, is different than a decision against having children.
And it’s totally okay to be terrified! It’s hard and awful and smelly and actually having one is the most irreversible life earthquake ever. So DEFINITELY put it off and keep taking BC until you feel ready. The time might come later, might not.
AND even if we gave him the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t throw it away (which I’m majorly side eyeing)
I really think that this is either a huge issue that needs to be addressed or the first step in separation and divorce. The distrust, the fighting, the different futures you want.
Oh and definitely don’t have sex. And if for some reason you slip up in the moment and do? Get plan B the next day without even telling him. It’s not 100% but better than nothing. I wouldn’t trust him to correctly use condoms.
Please get on nexplanon. It’s an implant that goes in your arm and you forget about it for 3-5 years. He can’t mess with that. If you are adamant about not having a child u will regret having one. Alot of these mothers say they don’t regret it to save face to other women, but many have let me know they hate their children and feel trapped by their husbands.
Did you not talk about wanting/not wanting kids prior to marriage? A little late to be trying to figure those issues out …sounds like an incompatible situation. But if you really think he is, try getting an implant or shot BC that he can’t mess with
How did yall get married and not have a basic conversation required of a marriage? Did yall spend the entire time saying one-liners and trying to charm each other?
You both don’t want the same thing. You should agree on that and come to a decision that is fair and makes neither of you happy.
But he sounds dumb as hell if he’s gonna casually implicate himself with that line, then think he’s gonna get away with it. Probably dont trust him not to microwave your pills or sumn
It sure sounds like he is the culprit. You could put it back on him by telling him that insurance won’t let you have more since you just got 3 months worth last month so that will mean a month on nothing and so that means a month of no sex because your not taking any chances. He will freak. He may offer to use condoms but dont fall for it. You can bet one would conveniently fail. Just tell him unless he can come up with an idea of what happened to the missing pills there is nothing that can be done about it.
It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to baby trap you based on what you’ve said. You said he’s never seen you physically put them in that spot but that’s the same spot you’ve had them in for ten entire years so of course he knows they’re in the same spot lol. You may be overreacting and misplaced them, and you may also not be overreacting and he did do something. Hard to say. Get a different form of birth control that can’t be easily lost regardless though.
That’s sucks but how tf did you guys get married and not discuss this shit prior??
Get an IUD and don’t tell him.
I’m 37yo and have birthed 4 kids. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO NOT WANT TO BIRTH A CHILD. You should be 100% jazzed to get pregnant and birth a child, not coerced or tricked into it.
>I know that “it’s great” and “I won’t regret it” according to every mother ever
You would resent everyone who coerced you into trying to conceive. Pregnancy is no joke. Childbirth and labor are not easy or fun. It is worth it, but only if you WANT it. Only you can decide if you WANT to get pregnant. You don’t.
Talk to your ob/gyn about other bc options. IUD is a great option if you are comfortable with that, I love mine, but only you with your doctor can decide what sort of bc will work best for you. I can’t say your spouse took your bc, but it is not ok if he did. It is not ok if he tampers with any of your medications. If he can’t respect your decision to NOT get pregnant, then you need to consider whether or not to continue the relationship. You are worthy of love and respect. You are not obligated to be a baby factory for anyone.
I will never understand why people get married to people who are not on the same page about having kids. Did you really never talk about it beforehand???
He wants kids. You don’t.
Why be with someone this incompatible regarding such an important issue?
Why the fuck do people hate adoption so goddamn much. That’s shit pisses me off.
Ignoring the creepyness and what he’s potentially done…why did you marry someone who wants kids if you don’t??