My partner (33M) and I have had penetrative sex quite a few times. He’s given me oral many times but I never went down on him. I’m much less experienced than him and there was never a situation in which he asked for or hinted towards a BJ. Recently, I was on my period and told him that I wasn’t comfortable having sex that night, so we just made out and laid down. I hinted towards pleasuring him then took initiative with a BJ. His reactions were generally positive, especially at the start. It was taking long (which I didn’t mind) and he apologized, to which I told him I was enjoying myself. He asked me if he should warn me before he cums, to which I said it’s fine if he doesn’t. We switched up positions a lot and I continued. Eventually he stopped me and said that it would take him way too long to finish and he doesn’t want to put me in that position. He said that it’s not me, that I was doing everything right, but that blow jobs and hand jobs never did anything for him. He also said that it didn’t help that he jerked off the day before. However, he remained hard for a while. I asked him to tell me if he wants anything that I was not doing. He said he would want sex but that wasn’t on the books tonight, which he said he’s fine with and he’s happy just laying down. He stayed hard for a long time.
I’m quite inexperienced and was wondering if it could be a situation in which he was letting me down easy or if some guys really just don’t come from BJs. I found it weird that he stayed hard but didn’t want me to continue to try. Do some guys really just prefer sex and don’t come from BJs? Or was it more likely that he didn’t want me to feel bad?
And, yes, I asked him and will ask him again but don’t want him to just appease me.
43 comments
It could very well be that he’s unable to get off from BJs, but technique does matter and don’t hesitate repeating it because practice does make perfect!
Some guys don’t even particularly like BJ’s, so I don’t think it’s inconceivable for some to be unable to cum from them
Can’t say anything about BJs because I’m not a guy, but can I just point out how healthy your communication seems? Maybe in a few days you could clarify if he has difficulty reaching orgasms from BJs in general or if he has some pointers on your technique you could use next time! Good luck
Love how much you both are able to openly communicate. Kudos to you!
I’m 33 with lots of experiences and BJ never made me cum
Try and stimulate the frenulum with your tongue. Trust me!
BJs are extremely pleasurable but generally don’t stimulate my penis enough to cum. Handjobs with a tight grip or vaginal sex is much more likely to because of the speed of the stimulation.
BJs are very relaxing and enjoyable to receive , but I know myself and many other guys don’t cum from them.
It really is possible that he doesn’t really like bjs that much, and is unable to cum from them. I don’t have a penis, but I don’t like oral on me. I don’t mind giving oral, but I don’t like receiving. I find it uncomfortable and feel kinda gross if I’m being honest. And though people don’t always like to admit it, men have sexual preferences, too.
There’s also the possibility of anxiety. Men especially can have performance anxiety, and basically, if they get in their heads too much, it will stop the big O from happening, or can even make them soft, because of the fear of disappointing their partner or even embarrassment. It could be that he felt like he was taking too long, and psyched himself out, so he asked you to stop and have a reason like that to take the pressure off in the future.
Honestly either or even both could be possible. If it’s something he would want to change, then you can try oral again in the future, but just make it about that experience without the goal of cumming. It can take the pressure of performing off. I hope that helps!
Edited fixed autocorrects
Some guys can’t. It’s normal.
He can finish from BJs, that’s why he asked if you wanted a warning. I bet he genuinely felt like it might take a while and didn’t want bother you
I’d bet some encouragement and a relaxed environment will get you what you want
This might sound arrogant, but I’ve had blow jobs from many different women, many different times, and I’ve never finished from one, just the way I’m built. Don’t take it personally
Until I met my current partner, I used to end BJs that way. It took me a while, and I felt bad. She can deep throat and took time to learn and practice what feels good to me. Now it might be the fastest way to get me there other than doing it myself.
It’s absolutely plausible. I dated a guy like that. In the years that we dated, I was only successful one time.
Have you tried aardvark porn?
I’ve had two partners who enjoyed BJ as a fore play but couldn’t cum with it. One said he had a bad experience as a teen and can never cum this way. Another said he’s cum only twice in all his years when the BJ was rough deep throating face fucking which generally women don’t like so it’s ok with him not to. He prefers PIV orgasms anyways. One best tech to try again is mix handjob (hard grip up down twist) on the shaft with BJ the head (sucking the tip, flicking frenulum) and other hand on the balls and the taint.
Completely plausible. Maybe next time let him finish himself? Suck his balls if he enjoys that while he jerks himself, or just lay your head on his chest and watch him finish the job. Sometimes it feels great but the other person just can’t get you over the finish line with a bj
Your communication was definitely healthy and it’s great to see. Perhaps he was feeling anxious about it because you were inexperienced and he was concerned about you being comfortable too much it got him stuck in his head. Especially when he stopped after it was taking too long. Try talking to him and ask if he thinks that’s what it is. He might care about keeping you comfortable or maybe previous partners have commented on how long it takes him to finish from a BJ that it makes him anxious now
BJs require a certain mood. Sometimes no matter how good they are it’s just boring and we’d rather fuck or so nothing. For the most part guys are do’ers. Removing that and just chillin while someone does all the work can be hot and keep us hard but not get us to the point we want to cum
This is plausible. I’m 35. I have only gotten off once (1) from a BJ. I get really close but never actually get over the edge.
I enjoy BJs as foreplay but never for an actual orgasm. I can cum from a BJ but it’s difficult and takes a good while. I’d much rather have PIV sex.
I’ve gotten Bjs that were amazing, and brought me real close to edge, but couldn’t quite get me over. I can think of one time switching to titty fucking did the job tho.
Everyone is different.
I’m learning it’s a thing that a lot of guys just can’t. I wouldn’t think it’s you. Especially if he’s never hinted at it.. I used to think it was some prized action but a lot of guys would just prefer the sex. My husband likes BJs but as foreplay. I Can count on one hand how many times he’s cum from BJs. The stars have to align just right for it to happen. 😆
I used to have this problem, I think my ex wife was able to get me off one time from a BJ but my current girl friend is nearly every time if she wants. I’d say it’s more of the passion and effort on her part and just learning myself.
Takes me over an hour to cum from a bj. At that point I just tap the person out cause neither of us are going to enjoy it
I’m a women but I can never get off from oral. I’ve been with men who are the same. Plenty of people enjoy oral just as an appetizer, but it’s never gonna be the main course. Sounds like your partner is a great communicator and you two have it pretty good. You can ask him if there’s a technique he would like you to use next time, or how he likes his BJ’s, but please don’t make him feel like you think he is lying to you. That would probably not make him feel great.
Yeah as a penis owner I really struggle to get off from a BJ. And I have been in positions where I didn’t tell someone that and then felt uncomfortable while getting the Bj and it was kinda what you said it was. So yeah, just check in. And make sure it’s kinda fine regardless as long as you both enjoy it
I’ve been able to cum from BJ’s exactly 5 times (I’m 56, so we’re talking decades). He’s probably telling you the truth. For some men it’s difficult or nearly impossible to cum from oral.
Ya there was a number of years when I could get off from a BJ I actually didn’t like them as anything but foreplay but ya eventually I found a woman that could do it after about a year of trying.
How would you handle him being forceful with them?
He may be using porn, imho
I used to never cum from BJs or handjobs. It was something that I was pretty confident would never happen. Then I met my girlfriend and she was relentless with her approach lol she’s got it down to a science now.
As a man who could not cum from BJs, it’s not all that uncommon. Some of us just can’t get off that way.
For me I have had many blowjobs, tbh only 2 girls got me to cum that way. One girl took 20 full minutes to get me to cum and I can tell she tired and her jaw was hurting. That happened 10 years ago when I was in my early 20s. The 2nd girl only took 10 minutes but it was a lot of work on her end, I could tell, and that was 2 months ago. They each only got me to cum one time that way and not again. Anyways what I am trying to say Is don’t beat yourself up, many girls have given me head many time and only 2 have ever made me cum in the 15 years I been sexually active. I believe you did fine and to me I stop woman about 10 minutes in because I know their jaw will hurt if I allow them to continue and also I know if a girl will be able to make me cum that way and if it wasn’t there after 10 minutes give or take, I just may stop them because I don’t want them uncomfortable. I bet he knows this also and don’t want you to give him a 30 minute bj. I have had woman do that and I tend to feel bad because I don’t cum at all but I stay super hard. It feels really good but I’d rather save her the trouble, unless she is woman who loves to give, by all means keep going, but I’d say maybe check out some head guides maybe for some pointers. Just an option.
Honestly, everything you described sounds completely normal and like he was being totally honest and kind/caring towards you.
I’m 37F and I never cum from oral. I’ve been with guys who hard a really hard time cumming from a blowjob. Sometimes you just gotta call it, and it has nothing to do with the other person’s skill or effort.
Sounds like you’ve got a good thing! This one was a refreshing story to read.
This may be unpopular, but I said that until I met a woman who fucking loved BJs, and told me to come in her mouth. Not asked. Told. The women id been with up till then were game to do it, but this girl, and the girl after her, just would not stop, and you could tell they really truly wanted my cum. Which I have since found is the key to getting me to do it via oral. If there’s any question in my mind, the tap stays shut.
My ex-wife would scream at me after 3 minutes why I hadn’t cum yet. She literally guilt-tripped me. Obviously she was selfish lover. I learned from my next lover that when she deep-throated me, the sensations were out of this world. And that was just the beginning. 🤩
Make sure he hasn’t had same experience in the past. Let him know you enjoy it and you will decide when to stop, unless it gets painful for him. Tell him no masturbating, your mouth is his hand now, make him promise.
Educate yourself on how to give a mind-,blowing BJ. (Pun intended). Author Victoria Blue has many books, even kindle, who helped me with cunniglingus. She has what you are looking for.
Take a night or several for the two of you to watch BJ porn only, maybe while on your period. Watch all, from sensual to downright throat choking. Find out what turns him on, what he wants. Then if it seems difficult, there is a subreddit on here for learning how to do it right.
You’ve got this girl, be the keeper he has been looking for.
Good luck.
Generally speaking, I can’t cum from
BJ, or hand jobs. So it’s entirely possible he can’t either. It’s a thing. We don’t like it either, trust me! I
Maybe he just loves you.
Im a guy, i dont come from bjs, but they are hot.
Practise how to deep throat, surprise him one day with your skills, make eye contact and let him finish in your mouth… Trust me, it won’t take more than 20mins
I used to think I couldn’t cum from BJ’s until I had a great BJ. perfect tempo, perfect squeeze, came instantly. I still think about it sometimes
32M here. I can’t cum from BJs, never have been able to. Only time I’ve come from oral, was an ex who let me fuck her face, but that’s it. Otherwise it honestly isn’t enough stimulation for me. Prefer it as foreplay. So its probably not you.
put a finger in his ass
39. Never been able to cum from BJs. That being said I do enjoy them. Once I got an experienced BJ from a woman who knew exactly what she was doing and that was incredible. I actually think that was more pleasurable than penis in vagina sex. It was overwhelming. I had to tell her to stop because it was TOO MUCH. I know it sounds crazy but it was 11 on 1-10 scale and my brain couldn’t handle it. I also didn’t feel comfortable with teeth near my dick. The texture is very different from vagina or hand . It took me years to be able to cum from penis in vagina. Not because I didn’t enjoy it but religious guilt and mental block of worrying about a baby and allowing myself to be in the moment, death grip syndrome, and sexual violence trauma from when I was younger . I got over it and now it’s not that difficult for me to climax from penis in vagina. Anyway it can be a variety of reasons. Don’t worry about it and enjoy the ride,